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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told someone I was pregnant today…

232 replies

BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 13/06/2026 13:57

…and they asked if it was planned! 🤦‍♀️

I’m 33, own my own home, and have been married for over two years.

AIBU to think this was a bit of an odd response?!

OP posts:
T1mesAreHardForDreamers · 13/06/2026 18:06

youalright · 13/06/2026 18:05

Why is it, its a valid question.

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Valid to who? Valid in what way?

youalright · 13/06/2026 18:05

Beavis8 · 13/06/2026 18:02

Um because it's a fucking rude thing to ask!!

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Why is it, its a valid question.

Beavis8 · 13/06/2026 18:02

youalright · 13/06/2026 17:34

But genuinely what is wrong with that? If I got pregnant at 39 I wouldn't be keeping it.

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Um because it's a fucking rude thing to ask!!

T1mesAreHardForDreamers · 13/06/2026 17:59

Awh I feel you OP.

I had 3 children by 26 with small age gaps and I have been asked a few questions I would never dare ask anybody else. Because it's rude in the first place and also, I don't actually believe most people ask those questions with good intentions, because how would the convo go after an honest answer that wasn't positive?!

I had a guy in the office ask me if my first was planned, fair enough but also awkward as we weren't friends.

It was quite awkward when I started my new job (I found out I was pregnant a few days after I interviewed and was offered and accepted the role), as people assumed it was my first at 26 when it was my third!

And after having 3, I have had acquaintances and total strangers making conversation and asking if they all had the same dad 😅 (Yes they do and we are still together).

I am so overly cautious when asking about pregnancy related things as I am aware so many struggle with fertility and lots of other things surrounding family planning, I could't imagine asking anything of the sort!

jdb9803 · 13/06/2026 17:58

MyCottageGarden · 13/06/2026 16:49

So by this logic, married couples who’re living in social housing with lifetime tenancies aren’t financially stable enough to plan children? I’d argue that the roof over their heads is far more secure; given that living in a house with a mortgage, you’re only ever 2/3 payments away from repossession!
Yes, home ownership is a smart investment of course, but unless your mortgage is paid off, it’s certainly not more ‘stable’ than a lifetime tenancy…

Edited
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somebody hit a nerve

SiberFox · 13/06/2026 17:57

cuckoolodger · 13/06/2026 14:10

My mother in law said” oh, do you know who’s the dad?….. I had been married to her son for 4 years!

beyond horrible thing to say but absolutely 😂😂😂😂

SurreySenMum26 · 13/06/2026 17:56

cuckoolodger · 13/06/2026 14:10

My mother in law said” oh, do you know who’s the dad?….. I had been married to her son for 4 years!

Bloody hell! I hope you was quick witted enough to say there was quite a list to get through but you was confident you could whittle that down to 5-10 suspects with a straight face.

jdb9803 · 13/06/2026 17:53

youalright · 13/06/2026 17:34

But genuinely what is wrong with that? If I got pregnant at 39 I wouldn't be keeping it.

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You can't think of anything wrong with suggesting an abortion when someone happily announces their pregnancy!!

jdb9803 · 13/06/2026 17:51

cuckoolodger · 13/06/2026 14:10

My mother in law said” oh, do you know who’s the dad?….. I had been married to her son for 4 years!

I hope you answered, 'no, not a clue'

moderndilemma · 13/06/2026 17:48

Oh I had that with someone at work asking 'if we'd been trying long?' (my other child was only 2, so definitely not an unusual break between kids).

I said: "Well Sandra, that's quite an intrusive question. Are you asking whether my dh and I have been using contraception or not? Whether it was a happy accident, whether we've been at it like rabbits for months..."

Sandra was a bit flustered... I then added: "And I'm really happy to share that information when you are equally happy to tell me, when and where you and Duncan had sex, and whether you used contraception."

Not a peep out of her after that!

BudgetBuster · 13/06/2026 17:44

youalright · 13/06/2026 17:34

But genuinely what is wrong with that? If I got pregnant at 39 I wouldn't be keeping it.

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Surely it's not generally polite to ask someone if they are keeping their pregnancy?

GuYou · 13/06/2026 17:43

youalright · 13/06/2026 17:34

But genuinely what is wrong with that? If I got pregnant at 39 I wouldn't be keeping it.

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There’d be about 3 kids in DD’s year 1 class of 30 if that was the case 😂 It’s pretty common where I live.

Tink3rbell30 · 13/06/2026 17:38

MoleskineNotebooks · 13/06/2026 17:31

Only if you’re unbelievably socially dense is this a ‘common question’.

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It is though, it won't stop. One of those questions that will always be a thing.

LambriniBobInIsleworthISeesYa · 13/06/2026 17:38

Tulipsriver · 13/06/2026 15:37

I once had a shop assistant ask whether I was hoping for a positive or negative on the test I was buying. That felt a bit intrusive 😬

I had this when I was trying for my eldest. This was the time I was pregnant after having been trying for over six months. I didn’t mind the question so much, but when I said that I was hoping for a positive she replied “I will be praying for you, then!” which felt… weird.

youalright · 13/06/2026 17:34

GuYou · 13/06/2026 17:16

My mum asked if we were “keeping it” when I told my parents I was pregnant at the age of 39 so nothing much surprises me about people’s responses to pregnancy announcements anymore 🤷‍♀️

But genuinely what is wrong with that? If I got pregnant at 39 I wouldn't be keeping it.

MoleskineNotebooks · 13/06/2026 17:31

Tink3rbell30 · 13/06/2026 14:38

It's one of those common questions, a simple yes or no.

Only if you’re unbelievably socially dense is this a ‘common question’.

Original poster
BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 13/06/2026 17:31

SevenYellowHammers · 13/06/2026 17:27

Congratulations 🥳

That’s what people are supposed to say!

OP posts:
Sahara123 · 13/06/2026 17:29

cuckoolodger · 13/06/2026 14:10

My mother in law said” oh, do you know who’s the dad?….. I had been married to her son for 4 years!

Oh my days this wins surely !!

Twotoned · 13/06/2026 17:28

PrayForPlagues · 13/06/2026 14:10

“Yes, we’ve been going bareback for a while now”

That soon shuts them up

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Class response 👏🤣

SevenYellowHammers · 13/06/2026 17:27

Congratulations 🥳

ReyRey12 · 13/06/2026 17:25

RumPidgeon · 13/06/2026 14:29

Congratulations on your pregnancy!! 💐

I have multiple kids very close in age and get asked: “Do they all have the same Dad?” 😆

It’s always men who ask - never had this from a woman. I’m early 40s, middle class, well educated professional, own my own house and look quite boring. (Not saying Mums with kids by multiple partners look wild and aren’t professionals but I’m just throwing this in for the sake of those who judge by appearance- I don’t.)

Me and my siblings are far apart in age and alway get asked if we have the same dad. I was so confused by the question when I was a child.

namechange62 · 13/06/2026 17:23

On announcing number 2..'is (insert DH name) the father.?. people talk b**cks.

HerbertPootle · 13/06/2026 17:17

Woman at my work sort of congratulated me and commiserated at the same time as ‘she knew it had taken a long time’ 🥴 I told her ‘no, worked first go, which is why baby is due at Christmas, as wasn’t expecting it!’

GuYou · 13/06/2026 17:16

My mum asked if we were “keeping it” when I told my parents I was pregnant at the age of 39 so nothing much surprises me about people’s responses to pregnancy announcements anymore 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 13/06/2026 17:09

Boreded · 13/06/2026 17:04

Also, respectfully you are being ridiculous…2-3 missed payments from a repossession…NO! You wouldn’t even end up having it sent to court until after 6 months, you’d be unlucky to be out within 12 months as long as you communicated with the mortgage provider

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Yes this - repossession really is a last resort for mortgage providers

OP posts:
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