AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

So you tell dh that at least once a month he pick up his Dad's friend and takes him to your FIL's house to visit and eat there - freeing you up.

Another time, once a month, you take one or more dc and go out for brunch / lunch / special mummy time.

That halves the time you have to spend with your FIL.

And importantly, every single time your FIL visits, it is your dh's responsibility to clean the bathroom. Even if that means you swapping duties and you making the beans on toast.

Is it quirkiness to have young children exposed to this:

racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants

So someone being racist and sexist is quirky? 🙄

It doesn't sound like it unless op is overreacting and a drama queen. If what she is saying is accurate and he spends his whole 2 hours being racist and sexist then no I don't know anyone lile that but my opinion wouldn't change in the sense that its not for me to tell dp who he can and can't see in our home which is 50% his. I might choose to go out myself if I couldn't stand the person.

The problem, as always, is the husband. OP has quite a few threads about the reckless husband.

He’s definitely not too old to find out his opinions are not conducive to a good atmosphere. Remember your children are hearing them, talk to your husband. This is not good. Start by planning a day out. I know you like to stay at home. Plan a day out for the children to enjoy it then come back early maybe 3 o’clock and get all your bits done then just break this weekly habit and then introduce your husband going over there for an hour or meeting him in the pub where he has his friend doesn’t sound like he’s lonely to me. The next few years are very important in your children’s lives and to have this voice echoing every Sunday is going to damage them.

DH cooks. Its not an amazing Sunday roast that I assumed, but cheese on toast!

Zoning out from the general public's offensiveness is different to welcoming it into your home.

But presumably your family guests are not such utter wankers.

Yanbu to resent it, also if your dh went round their instead you would be missing out on time together. Could you do something like one week dh goes to see him on a week night, then the alternate week he comes to yours (on a sunday or another day). Agree you need to think of some plans which mean you are busy on some sundays, to get out of this pattern.

I certainly wouldn't be cleaning the floor that would be dp job. As for the other stuff I'm very use to hearing these sorts of comments working with the general public Im very good at zoning out from people.

Did you miss the part where I no longer have parents or are you completely devoid of why I’m grateful to have fil in my life, just so you can make a bitchy comment?

How is he a 'poor man' exactly?

He's a weapons-grade dispicable bastard.

You have my full sympathy OP I wouldn’t want anyone in my house every single Sunday without fail. It would drive me nuts. You have even more reason to be annoyed as it’s your only day off and he sounds difficult.

Can he come another day when you’re at work? If not make plans to go do something for yourself when he’s round?

Make a point of cooking the most ethnic foreign food you can. He will soon get the hint

Oh for goodness sake, are you sure you couldn't find anymore "isms" to accuse the poor man of?

You're going to have to decide how often you want him to come round and whether on some of his visits you could go out. Then communicate what works for you to your fil e.g. every other week where on one of those occasions you are out and DH can take the kids to see him on one of the other weeks if he wants. In that's scenario he gets to see DH and the kids three weeks out of four but you only see him once a month.

Every other Sunday your DH sees his father Sunday lunchtime - this may or may not be at your home.

When at yours, DH cleans up his father’s piss from the toilet.

If FIL is staying for lunch, you could go out to the shops, coffee shop, cinema etc.

When FIL isn’t being seen, as a family go out for the day and have fun together.

Does your DH see him any other time? This could be something he does with the kids when you’re at work maybe?

Husband needs to clean up after his Dad x

Go out and meet a friend for coffee, go for a walk, mooch around the shops, you’re in control of your own life. Decide if you want to all , none, some of the DC with you.

He won't be around forever and he doesn't stay long. It's the same for your husband, he would probably rather have Sundays to do his jobs and things but he puts up with it.

You could sometimes say that you are going somewhere next Sunday and then not answer the phone :-). Or go out for lunch, that would be a nice change and carveries are lovely.

I would hate the man's attitudes and opinions but I presume you don't have young kids at home so you can throw a deaf ear. You're unlikely to change the man now.

Where's your line of acceptable behaviour from a guest though?

So racism, misogyny, sexism, homophobia all in earshot of your children = fine, apparently?

Pissing all over the floor by someone with all his faculties = fine suposedly?

He’s 88, lonley and wants to get out, maybe once a month go to him, but he won’t live forever

Let your DH entertain him. He probably won’t be alive much longer anyway.

If my partner tried to ban any of my family from our house our relationship would be over.

And what are we calling racist views, I wonder. The suggestion which seems to run along here is that only old people hold these views. Not so. I know a young person who is anti-Semitic. I see on my TV people waving placards saying 'from the river to the sea' (i.e. exterminate all Jews) and 'transwomen are women' (i.e. women have no right to exclude men from anything men want to do), the one being racist the other sexist. The wavers are for the most part young - which I find very worrying.

And as FIL has gone every Sunday, I hope you'll give the OP some consideration with her say on who isn't welcome in it. After all, it would be equal...