AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

So its purely his age that gives him more of a free pass in your eyes, and your bar seems awfully high for what we should put up with imo.

You haven't mentioned his hatred of women and gays, his pissing on the floor (despite no mention of frailty or disability) or the fact he's just.. horrible?

OP should have some say in how often someone visits her home. Unfortunately her husband doesn't seem to listen to her much, going by other threads.

You're not wrong or unreasonable to want some space/down time in your own home on your only day off. But there could be a happy medium - FIL comes to your house once a month, your DH goes to his dad's house another week, they go out a 3rd week, 4th week is family time (without FIL). Obviously for this to work, you need your DH and his dad to actually put someone else first every now and again.

It’s time to start popping out for an hour or two every Sunday - perhaps a new hobby?

It doesn't matter who cooks. The OP doesn't want to have to put up with the old buzzard and I don't blame her.

Your husband has his dad visit for one hour a week, is hardly outrageous. If you have things to do then crack on with them but it’s unreasonable to dictate that your husband can’t host a parent for one hour a week.

I hate all of these comments trying to guilt you. Let your husband deal with his father. I would no longer be cooking lunch. Could you invent a reason to leave the house on a Sunday? Honestly, the selfishness and entitlement of some old people needs to be studied. People say the young are entitled, but some old people knock them into a cocked hat!

The view on Mumsnet where people seem to think we should never be inconvenienced at all is endemic. Functioning as a part of adult society means making compromises and doing things we don’t want to do.

I don’t know where my line is but I don’t think allowing your partner to spend one hour a week with his elderly father is egregious or a LTB situation.

If his father has spent most of his life in prison, is a physical danger to others or a literal Nazi or member of the KKK then that would cross the line but in that case, I wouldn’t allow him into my home.

If he was 20 years younger I would be more unhappy with the arrangement.

I completely agree, its called being an adult

Well the implication at the start of the thread was that the OP was slaving away in the kitchen all day making a roast for her FIL.

Only for it to turn out that her husband is the one who cooks and it’s not a roast.

And I’m not new to this world so I’m very aware people embellish stories in the hope of more support.

I have no doubt that the man is a pain in the arse but he’s almost 90 years of age and it sounds like his views are not out of the ordinary for a man of his age so I think all things considered, I would tolerate him.

You say:

This is part and parcel of having a family. I get that it’s annoying but you need to suck it up

I'm interested to know where your line would be.. What sort of behaviour from family WOULD cause you to implement different boundaries..

Or must we always grin and bear it, no matter what? And why?

I had this. Every single Saturday from 4pm to around 7pm my DHs grandparents would visit. Didn’t matter if we had plans, they would turn up.

It drove me mad, as we literally couldn’t plan anything and he would never say anything. Every other weekend I wouldn’t have minded but every weekend just got too much for me.

His brother would turn up daily, his mum every other day, and his dad would visit every Sunday morning.

Thankfully he’s now my ex so I can finally get some peace and quiet

And what nasty little agenda is that?

You’ve twisted the thread to suit your nasty little agenda. Everyone can see it.

@Internationalwomendayheadquarters

I guess my main concern is that (I assume) your children are hearing his vile rants. Maybe they're too young right now to understand what he's saying, but they won't always be.

That's what I'd try to 'pound home' with my DH if I were you. That despite the best intentions of parents explaining that Grandad is old and has 'bad ideas', they will still hear those ideas. To me, that's good enough reason for him not to sit a your table.

I'd tell him he has the choice between taking his dad out for a cheap lunch (if that's reasonable) or simply telling him he's not welcome for lunch anymore due to his views.

In the meantime, I'd eat my lunch 'elsewhere' or before he gets there.

I can read.

You seem to be arguing with the OP's perception of things.

Have you met him?

How old are the DC and what do they think or understand about this situation? Do they like grandad? Does he have a £2 coin and a Wethers original in his pocket for them or is he such a thoroughly physically and mentally disgusting individual that they are worried when he comes round?

If you asked your DH to take him to the pub or something every other week, what would DH say? Is this a DH problem rather than an old git problem?

My grandparents also prefer English healthcare professionals because they struggle to understand heavy foreign accents. Fair enough, they don’t moan about the colour of people’s skin but I suspect the sentiment is broadly the same. They’ve had non-British doctors before who they’ve been very happy with but if given the choice I don’t think very many elderly white Brits would decline a British doctor.

They also don’t like spicy or adventurous food and they might refer to it as “foreign”. I don’t think that’s particularly racist. I wonder if referring to food as “foreign cuisine” would be acceptable to you?

And in case you haven’t noticed, it’s not a minority view to be concerned with thousands of undocumented young men from different cultures arriving illegally into the country.

I used to have an elderly female relative who used to complain about men going to the supermarket and she wouldn’t be seen with any male relatives in there. She wasn’t a particularly nice person but she was old and most normal, well adjusted people have empathy and understand this.

He is 88 and your husband’s father. This is part and parcel of having a family. I get that it’s annoying but you need to suck it up.

DH can bring him out for lunch or start treating yourself to a Sunday afternoon picnic or pub carvery on rainy days.
I would feel smothered too on my only day off.

Yes, I'm the unpleasant individual, not the fucker who left his wife & baby because she didn't bow to his sexism, spouts his putrid nonsense in a family home and pisses all over the floor despite being perfectly able to drive himself about and visit friends and family.

He isnt a sweet lonely old man who can't help himself. He's vile.

Every single one of your posts on this thread makes you sound like a thoroughly unpleasant individual.

you are indeed missing out on a lot of things. My husband and I would do chores on a Saturday morning and the rest of the weekend was for fun. Almost invariably we’d be out all the Sunday, taking the opportunity to explore towns and villages outside London. Simple things mostly - farms with petting zoos, small museums, watching planes land at Heathrow, or just going to different/new to us parks, swimming pools or playgrounds.

He's 88 so hasn't long left. Could DH not go to see him and they could go for a pub lunch somewhere?

This