AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

Remember you'll be 88 one day maybe. Think about it.
Post dosent make sense anyway. He phones half an hour before DH always agrees . Surely you'd need to know if you were having a roast dinner in advance.

He is capable enough to drive around and visit multiple friends and family each week (except his first child who he abandoned).

He doesn't seem to be a doddery old man, he can see OP's husband elsewhere sometimes presumably, but the husband isn't listening as usual.

Men know they dribble or don't care for their aim, then sit the FUCK down and don't expect others to clean up your mess.

No sympathy.

It's always easier to question an OP's version of events than ones own prejudices.

Well yeah, it’s his age. Older people need more support and I know from experience how important routines and keeping connected to family are for those who are 88.

The needs of a 90 year old are different to the needs of a 60 year old. But you should already know this.

I also know from experience that getting down and scrubbing the bathroom floor is not the easiest task for a 90 year old, even if they still have all their faculties. And that men that age do dribble. The OP’s husband should be sorting that out. But again, where’s the empathy? The OP made it sound like there was shit up the walls and dysentery everywhere when she first mentioned cleaning the bathroom.

I have already mentioned his treatment of his first wife. And the OP hasn’t mentioned any examples of homophobia so this could mean anything. Again, I wouldn’t expect a man of his age to be particularly enlightened.

One hour once per week is very little time to be spent with a very elderly parent. I know working women who spend more than that amount of time every day with their parents who are younger! No one expects the OP to like it but I can’t see how anyone thinks this is a wholly unacceptable situation.

I’d be tempted to start actively cooking Indian/thai/mexican food on Sundays intentionally.

If he complained to my face in my own home I’d tell him he’s free to leave, especially as he wasn’t invited, and if he doesn’t like the food he’s welcome to never come again.

Im absolutely at the end of my tether with men.

The view on Mumsnet where people seem to think we should never be inconvenienced at all is endemic. Functioning as a part of adult society means making compromises and doing things we don’t want to do.

I don’t know where my line is but I don’t think allowing your partner to spend one hour a week with his elderly father is egregious or a LTB situation.

If his father has spent most of his life in prison, is a physical danger to others or a literal Nazi or member of the KKK then that would cross the line but in that case, I wouldn’t allow him into my home.

If he was 20 years younger I would be more unhappy with the arrangement.

Oh well if it is the husbands father then that makes it fine for young children to hear his sexism, racism and misogyny. You are so right!!!!!

You truly deserve a medal.

It is sooooooooooooooooooooo kind to let young children hear racist, sexist and misogynist attitudes.

Let's make it part of the curriculum.

Supporting family with home cooked food is decency. This trip once a week coukd be his weekly highlight and the sense of connection a key to his mental health and well-being.

it’s not much to give, to help a fellow human being, let alone your partners actual father.

So its purely his age that gives him more of a free pass in your eyes, and your bar seems awfully high for what we should put up with imo.

You haven't mentioned his hatred of women and gays, his pissing on the floor (despite no mention of frailty or disability) or the fact he's just.. horrible?

OP should have some say in how often someone visits her home. Unfortunately her husband doesn't seem to listen to her much, going by other threads.

We should all suck up racism, sexism and misogyny especially young children. Start them young.

My grandparents also prefer English healthcare professionals because they struggle to understand heavy foreign accents. Fair enough, they don’t moan about the colour of people’s skin but I suspect the sentiment is broadly the same. They’ve had non-British doctors before who they’ve been very happy with but if given the choice I don’t think very many elderly white Brits would decline a British doctor.

They also don’t like spicy or adventurous food and they might refer to it as “foreign”. I don’t think that’s particularly racist. I wonder if referring to food as “foreign cuisine” would be acceptable to you?

And in case you haven’t noticed, it’s not a minority view to be concerned with thousands of undocumented young men from different cultures arriving illegally into the country.

I used to have an elderly female relative who used to complain about men going to the supermarket and she wouldn’t be seen with any male relatives in there. She wasn’t a particularly nice person but she was old and most normal, well adjusted people have empathy and understand this.

He is 88 and your husband’s father. This is part and parcel of having a family. I get that it’s annoying but you need to suck it up.

I would suck it up if your DH cooks and is happy to have him. It's just a couple of hours and he won't live forever. You don't have to be present for the whole visit.

Bloody hell an hour! He's your husbands father

I agree.

Leave DH with his dad and the 3 dcs.
Go out for lunch or maybe even better see your own family/friends etc….

My parents are hard work. I’d never exoect dh to have to see them every week like that.

He's 88 so probably will make unfortunste remarks but he will look forward to seeing you all on Sundays as a lonely man

As awful as he sounds, yabu kindly

Hes old and lonely and youre his family

Sorry x

So its 2 hours then. You spend 2 hours with him once a week . Have a heart . I see my FIL 3 times a week, he's lonely and the company keeps him going. I work full time too and have a busy sideline but will always make time for family Bet you wouldn't be moaning if it was a relative of yours. Surely you can welcome him for 2 hours once a week, it's not a lot

The view on Mumsnet where people seem to think we should never be inconvenienced at all is endemic. Functioning as a part of adult society means making compromises and doing things we don’t want to do.

I don’t know where my line is but I don’t think allowing your partner to spend one hour a week with his elderly father is egregious or a LTB situation.

If his father has spent most of his life in prison, is a physical danger to others or a literal Nazi or member of the KKK then that would cross the line but in that case, I wouldn’t allow him into my home.

If he was 20 years younger I would be more unhappy with the arrangement.

Supporting family with home cooked food is decency. This trip once a week coukd be his weekly highlight and the sense of connection a key to his mental health and well-being.

it’s not much to give, to help a fellow human being, let alone your partners actual father.