AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

We went for 15 years without about a completely parent free weekend. Both sets of our parents were divorced, and three of them were really lonely - we often had weekends where we had one parent on a Saturday and another on a Sunday. Neither of us had siblings or other family in the uk, so we were their only close relatives. We used to moan about them and say how much we would love a weekend to ourselves. Now all four are long gone and I would give anything to go back to the days when they were all alive and well, no matter how irritating some of them were.

You don’t owe anybody anything.

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, then don’t have them around you.

Don’t martyr yourself just because someone is ‘family’.

There’s nothing stopping the DH from going to visit his dad if he wants to but OP and her children should not be made to feel uncomfortable in their own home.

Normalise making children feel safe in their own home.

Two seperatw issues.

Him coming over. Surely you're eating anyway? And you're DH is capable of coming and entertaining him? Does it stop you from going out because DH refuses? I'd say put the workload into DH, and don't let it stop you going away for weekends or out for the day.

-phobic. Comment and correct every single time. Don't listen to that crap in your home. He'll either learn to reign it in or reduce contact

Yes. If I had repellent or offensive views, I'd recognise the need to STFU about them. If I wasn't capable of doing that, I'd deserve to be excluded.

I doubt that OP will miss the calls or the Sunday get-togethers once her deepy unpleasant racist FIL has died. Horrible people aren't normally mourned after their deaths.

If he is the kids grandfather then yeah then it is fantastic that he can spout spout racism, sexism and misogyny.

When it is an elderly relative that makes it lovely and fine.

I hope I am excluded and left alone to die if I come out with this kind of crap! I shall deserve it.

It’s still the grandfather! One day your views might be not acceptable by your kids/the future generations, would you like to be excluded and left alone to die? I doubt!!!

Yeah if someone is so old, it is a free pass to spout racism, sexism and misogyny.

Maybe the OP should invite the kids friends round so they can listen to it every week too?

It is inevitable so lets deliberately expose the kids to it.

The kids will be exposed to all of that one way or another. The point is to educate them to filter out what’s good and what’s not.

He is so old that I wouldn’t make a big deal of it to be honest. You can still occasionally organise to go out for lunch with friends if you wish, go to the gym, shopping etc while he is there. You don’t need to be there to entertain always. Your husband can have a lunch with him and enjoy his time together.

Maybe suggest alternating. So every other weekend your husband goes there or they eat out somewhere?

Yes life is too short. We should be happy to listen and let children be exposed to racism, sexism and misogyny every week.

If Sunday is your only day off, then presumably you work Saturday? Tell DH to invite him round on Saturdays from now on.

It sounds like none of them will be that sad when he’s gone.

He sounds awful.

You have a DH problem.

If DH wants him there, even though he makes you feel uncomfortable then there’s not a lot you can do.

I would not want this type of behaviour in my home around my kids.

I teach them that when you go to other people’s homes then you are polite and respectful of them, even if you may disagree with how they do things but our home is our home and no one comes into it that makes any of us feel uncomfortable.

I hope your kids partners dont get fed up and resent you when your in your 80s.

Life's short and when people die thats it there will be no more calls no more Sunday get together no more nothing.

That would be a hard 'I'm not cleaning up your father's pee' from me. Doesn't matter that DH is cooking, he gets to clean the loo too.
🤮

The DH should pull him up.

OP didn't mention whether she pulls him up or not.

I think you should leave a list of jobs and take the kids out some Sundays if your husband won't say no occasionally. You are missing out on life a bit just spending your Sundays sorting the house and hosting a bigot.

He’s 88. He’s able to drive. He’s taking up 2 hours of your “family time” per week. From where I’m standing, you are incredibly lucky…..

Nothing to stop her taking kids to park for an hour when he's going to be there.

He's almost 90 and he's not going to change. I'd just accept him as he is but not agree with things he says.

Well she allows them to be exposed every week anyway.. she never pulls him up on his views, so what difference would it make if she was there or not?

Both parents are allowing him to air his views around the children, and in fairness, that PP who mentioned 'getting on with your day' didn't say anything about leaving the kids with them, I assume they meant getting on with whatever you would normally be doing with the kids and leave your DH and FIL to it for a couple of hours.

She get on with her day leaving her children exposed to racism, sexism and misogyny. Great idea!!