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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

308 replies

Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 13/06/2026 13:00

I really resent having my FIL come round every Sunday. I work full time and have a part time job on top, so it’s often my only day off and even then I’m often doing jobs round the house, like so many people I know.

He drives round to ours every Sunday and has lunch and stays for an hour or so. I would never want to stop my DH from seeing him, and he could easily pop over there (5 miles away) so I don’t understand why he has to come over here all the time. Also, to add: he’s racist, sexist, homophobic and hates immigrants. He left a previous marriage because when they had a baby she ‘didn’t have a meal on the table when he got home from work’. Is he just a product of his time and should I just deal with it (he’s 88 and lonely) or should I stand my ground and protect my weekend boundaries?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 13/06/2026 13:35

Every Sunday means you can never go out the two of you or just chill

so I would try and cut down to 3 a month so a week off

one week at yours

one week dh go to fil

one week lunch out

one week no fil

and you decide whether to go to fil or lunch out and have other one to you so for you it’s every other and fil once a month nothing

glad dh cooks

is fil not using the toilet brush after

cheezncrackers · 13/06/2026 13:29

Could your DH take him out for lunch sometimes to give you a break?

Quitelikeit · 13/06/2026 13:28

At 88 I’d let this continue its 2 hours

SmashThePatriarchy · 13/06/2026 13:28

CheddarBiscuit · 13/06/2026 13:04

Presumably you're making the lunch so just... don't? Let DH sort it.

Errrr why is this a presumption? Men can cook too.

BuckChuckets · 13/06/2026 13:26

UniquePinkSwan · 13/06/2026 13:01

It’s only for an hour. I bet you wouldn’t turn your own father away

I would if he was racists, homophobic, and misogynistic.

Tonissister · 13/06/2026 13:25

My advice is - just be yourself. If you are knackered, go and lie down. If you don't fancy cooking or clearing up a big roast, don't - explain to DH you are shattered and it is up to him if he wants this. If FiL is racist etc just say, 'Racist!' or 'Homophobic'. Don't tiptoe around horrible, entitled men for any reason, including their age.

SandyHappy · 13/06/2026 13:20

If it's your only day off don't you ever go out and do things together?

I'd be okay with this if DH is doing the cooking and entertaining, but I wouldn't want to have to keep my Sunday clear for it, otherwise it becomes a chore.

Wingingit73 · 13/06/2026 13:17

Bloody hell an hour! He's your husbands father

Thundertoast · 13/06/2026 13:15

He is lonely because he is a horrible person. Cant you just say to your DH that you dont want to hear hateful bollocks in your own house as you are getting closer to retaliating and you'd find it easier to keep a lid on it if you 1. Only saw him at his house AND 2. Only saw him once a month (ish) instead.

TheContoursALittleMisunderstandingNsoul · 13/06/2026 13:14

Product of his time not really..he's just a prick.

InveterateBigot · 13/06/2026 13:13

Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 13/06/2026 13:09

He’s got into a habit of visiting a local friend just before and then coming to us straight after. He usually phones about 30 mins in advance. He always calls my DH who basically always agrees. To be fair it’s also DH who cooks but it’s me who ends up cleaning the toilet…

Show quote history

JFC, it's his dad, he can clean up after him.

Gladystheimpaler · 13/06/2026 13:11

I don't see why you can't have the weekly lunch (cooked by DH preferably) and then be busy doing other things during the second hour where he can just catch up with your DH. If DH likes him coming round, and his father likes coming round, then it would be unreasonable to say it has to stop. But it's not unreasonable for you to get on with your own things instead of joining in.

nomas · 13/06/2026 13:09

Stop cooking for him! Let DH cook and you pop out and have lunch or other fun stuff.

Original poster
Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 13/06/2026 13:09

7238SM · 13/06/2026 13:05

Do you/DH invite him every week or does he just show up? How long has this been going on for? Does your DH know how you feel? TBH, it would drive me nuts too- weekly is FAR too often IMO. I'd start cutting back- 'We are busy the next few weekends, would you like to come for lunch on Sun XX Jun?' And then pick the dates you DO want him to visit.

He’s got into a habit of visiting a local friend just before and then coming to us straight after. He usually phones about 30 mins in advance. He always calls my DH who basically always agrees. To be fair it’s also DH who cooks but it’s me who ends up cleaning the toilet…

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 13/06/2026 13:08

I think it would depend on how much work this weekly arrangement created. Are you doing the cooking? Does it always have to be a full roast? Are you expected to stand on ceremony?

Nofeckingway · 13/06/2026 13:08

Guess it's his weekly routine and he doesn't think it's an imposition. Is it ? Does your DH help with it . What happens if you want to go out on Sundays?
My parents when they got older got in the habit of wanting to spend Sunday lunch with us . They also paid for everything if we went out for lunch .Sometimes it wasn't always convenient but I knew how much it meant to them and they had been so good and to me growing up and generous to me and my family . My DCs recall it as a lovely time .
The fact you don't like him is hard though . Leave it to your DH to discuss rearranging things .

SandyHappy · 13/06/2026 13:07

Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 13/06/2026 13:05

I would if my DH expressed to me that he would rather not - I’d go and visit him instead.

Show quote history

Have you had a conversation about it already?

Harassedmum123 · 13/06/2026 13:07

Could your DH cook the lunch every other week and give you chance to go out for a walk/shopping or whatever?

youalright · 13/06/2026 13:07

How would you feel if your dh told you who could and couldn't visit. Its absolutely your decision on whether you make a Sunday roast every week but I think yabu to tell dh is dad can't come round.

Bigtrapeze · 13/06/2026 13:07

OP, does he come over to you because you do have a meal on the table ready for him, by any chance? Much sympathy. What does DH think? I reckon either your DH taking him somewhere else every other Sunday or you being out somewhere every other Sunday might be a reasonable start. Have you got kids? I can listen to some unpalatable views without a problem but find it much more difficult to leave things unchallenged in front of DC in case they think this is an okay viewpoint.

Allders · 13/06/2026 13:07

Supporting family with home cooked food is decency. This trip once a week coukd be his weekly highlight and the sense of connection a key to his mental health and well-being.

it’s not much to give, to help a fellow human being, let alone your partners actual father.

Original poster
Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 13/06/2026 13:06

Gladystheimpaler · 13/06/2026 13:05

Can you not just carry on with your weekend jobs while DH spend the hour with his dad? Does he still have a relationship with the other child from the marriage he ended?

*edited because I used a weird term to describe ending a marriage and gave myself the ick 🤣

Edited

No he sees his child from the first marriage once at Christmas.

OP posts:
Shudacudawuda · 13/06/2026 13:05

If he was younger you might have a point, but he's 88. I feel like YABU because of his age.....he might not be able to do this much longer anyway.

7238SM · 13/06/2026 13:05

Do you/DH invite him every week or does he just show up? How long has this been going on for? Does your DH know how you feel? TBH, it would drive me nuts too- weekly is FAR too often IMO. I'd start cutting back- 'We are busy the next few weekends, would you like to come for lunch on Sun XX Jun?' And then pick the dates you DO want him to visit.

Original poster
Internationalwomendayheadquarters · 13/06/2026 13:05

UniquePinkSwan · 13/06/2026 13:01

It’s only for an hour. I bet you wouldn’t turn your own father away

I would if my DH expressed to me that he would rather not - I’d go and visit him instead.

OP posts: