AIBU to resent my FIL visiting for lunch every Sunday?

How insulting to other elderly people who manage not to be hideously prejudiced. Who cares if he looks forward to seeing them. If he’d been a nicer man he’d have had more social options.

😂

He's 88 so probably will make unfortunste remarks but he will look forward to seeing you all on Sundays as a lonely man

I feel like people are not engaging with him being a racist, sexist homophobe. I wouldn’t tolerate that in my house.

That's not the point. OP doesn't enjoy his frequent presence as he doesn't seem to be a particularly nice person. He's also getting under her feet when she wants to relax/get life admin/work done. It's not about having to prepare lunch.

So... OP should leave her own home, on her one day off?

MN has gone very odd today - usually we are all firm with our boundaries where parents are concerned.

He could be popping round for another 5 years. That's potentially another 260 of OP's only day off spent entertaining someone whose company she doesn't particularly enjoy. She only gets to live once, too.

I mean, he's not going to be around that much longer, is he? A couple of hours a week doesn't seem like much to ask, especially if DH is cooking (and I'd make him clean the toilet too!) Can't you just take yourself off after lunch and leave DH to it? Either get on with the chores that need doing, go out for a walk or meet a friend for coffee, or go for a lie down upstairs and read or whatever. You don't have to entertain him.

I'm not putting up with listening to that in my house. It would be dealt with straight away as well rather than letting it fester.
I do not clean up after animals either. So your husband needs to tell him to clean up if he has an accident or have a sit down pee. But again I would stop that immediately.

So what?

He's not even getting lunch! It's cheese on toast. It doesn't seem a lot, especially as you're not actually making the toast.

Be thankful. I used to have to see my mother and father in law every single day without fail so they could see their granddaughter. If we ever had plans and didn't then pop in on the way back the next day they would walk into our house in an absolutely foul mood and ignore me.
My now ex mother in law is a snotty no it all who looks down on everyone. Constantly back stabbing someone or other whilst pretending she is perfect.
13 years I put up with it. My ex wife wouldn't rock the boat as she is worried about her inheritance.

Why do ppl always trot this sort of stuff out? Fine if the elderly person is reasonably pleasant, but op’s fil is openly racist, sexist, homophobic and pees on the floor. Why should old age be a free pass to be horrible?
Presumably your dfil has none of these repugnant qualities.

He’s 88, so this is likely to be a short term problem. Personally I think I’d just keep quiet and find something pressing to do elsewhere when he calls in.

Is your FIL an outspoken racist, homophobic bigot who thinks a woman's place is in the home? Why on earth would OP embrace the visits of someone with those hideous views? To top it all off, he pisses all over their bathroom floor and OP has to clean it up.

Most people will be old one day, including those with racist views. That shouldn't give them a free pass.

What does he say?

The reason I mention it is wondering if this lunch date is unconsciously being prioritised over other family things? You could do X,Y,Z for the day but you can't because you all need to be available for FIL for 2-3 hours on a Sunday?

Sundays are my days for adventure with DD & DH, sometimes we do just loll about relaxing, or doing chores, DIY or entertaining family, but it is OUR day to do with as we wish, I could never be beholden to a certain time and place week in week out as it would drive me crazy, we get enough of strict scheduling during the week! I'm not surprised this is grinding you down.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely think it is right he should be able to see his dad once a week at your house if he wants to, but the whole household should not be expected to grind to a halt to accommodate it at a set time and day every week.

If he won't budge on flexibility, then I'd suggest start planning family activities on a Sunday once a month, or taking up a new hobby and going out while he is there once every couple of weeks, or doing something yourself with the kids which takes you all away and leave your DH, once you break the pattern and no longer feel obligated to even be there then it may stress you out less and you won't mind it so much.

I'd be getting a colour change mat like this to put next to the toilet!

https://www.amazon.com/Bloody-Bath-Mat-Sheet-Footprints/dp/B075MXJ6LJ?th=1

It's about two hours and he's a bigoted, racist arsehole.

The least his son could do is clean up his sodding piss / shit.

If your husband is refusing to decline the visits, then he is not putting you first. Whether you put up with this, and in what way, is up to you.

Perhaps the fucker will die soon.

FFS

You have a lovely FIL. OP doesn't. Take the Pollyanna shite elsewhere 🙄

Oh god no. Pass the toilet to your husband. I'd start going out and having some lovely Sundays to myself and also tell your H to start going to visit his dad instead. You do not have to put up with this. The people saying 'poor lonely old man, it's not much to do for him' should invite him round to their homes to be racist and sexist, eat a meal and shit all over their toilet.

Have you asked FIL to clean up his piss after himself? Or if he won't tell your DH to sort it?

Op I am in the car about to visit my lovely terminally ill FIL in hospital. He was fit and well up until a short time ago. Embrace the visits and remember you’ll be old one day too.