AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

YANBU.

With small kids, we generally treated parenting on holiday as a joint endeavour that is more fun if shared but with some tag teaming for an hour or two at a time so we got down time too. With the idea not being about whether each of us can cope with our kids on our own, of course we can, but whether it's fair and nice to leave one parent to it while the other gets solo time.

If I'd been the parent left with the kids I'd have appreciated a check in - if only to acknowledge that parenting is a shared. But I'd have mainly been planning my own 2.5hrs of solo time, for when we were not stuck in an airplane.

And if it was my fault I was stuck with the kids on my own because I'd been lazy about the on line check in, I'd have sucked it up and treated myself better next time.

There is always one sneering "poor man" smart arse comments on these type of posts.

It actually isnt about being a capable parent either a mother or father.

Its about being a considerate partner in a adult romantic relationship.

Personally I would expect my husband to swap half way as would he to give us both a chance to a small reset before we got home into the whirlwind that is returning for holidays with small kids.

But then neither of us are point scoring petty assholes so this situation wouldnt arise.

Haven't RTFT but have read the first few pages and all of OP's posts. The only thing I would say about this situation is that we would have agreed what we were doing before the flight. Most likely one of us would have said we'd sit with the kids and then that would have been it- no resentment or arguments because one parent expected something to happen even though they hadn't vocalised it. Equally we might've agreed to split the flight but we would've decided in advance.

You’re deliberately missing the point. 🙄

You are BOTH parents and therefore should have both parented.

You opted out and im glad on a forum where there’s a lot of harshness towards men who opt out of anything equaling 50/50 most people do think YABU.

And FWIW I’m anyone alone to a disabled child that I’ve flown with many a time. It’s not the being able to
manage. It’s that with 2 parents you opted out of parenting.

I’d have offered to swap half way, not because my OH ‘couldn’t cope’ (he could) but because it’s more than twice as difficult to entertain for the full time than it is to do half. Spreading the load makes it far more palatable. Is there a back story or some reason why it didn’t seem reasonable
to offer to split it?

😂

We just do. It's not an issue.

Actually that does make him a bit of a cunt. Not his kids, not his responsibility, fine - but if your friend (you) is having a shit time you try and ameliorate things a bit. You don't swan off, even if you can.

It really isn't a question of expecting DH to parent for 2.5 hours alone.

We have 4 who are adults now, but neither of us (out of common courtesy) would have done that to the other partner. So your 'raise the bar' argument is moot. My bar is high, but I extend that to both of us. What I wouldn't tolerate from DH, I wouldn't do to him either. It works for us.

Why? Is the kids dad unable to look after his own kids? If so he needed the practice

DH and I are long out of the toddler/ young dc stage. Ours are now older teens/ young adults. When our dc were little we both worked part time so that we could both be at home with the dc. Essentially, we tag teamed.

My DH was brilliant with the kids when they were little and is equally brilliant now. Right at this moment, I am chilling out on MN while DH is helping DS with his revision. I will soon by helping our other dc who is cooking the meal tonight.

The reason for all this detail is to give context to what I am about to type…marriages fail when resentment builds. Marriages work when both adults pull their weight. It might just be that you and your DH have different ideas of what that looks like.

Neither of you sound particularly supportive of each other. All this “Do I need to hold his Willy while he has a piss” nonsense! Do you actually like each other @Dhflightsulk?

Funnily enough we would have been that family to you when we went away earlier this year. However I'm much smaller than dh and I had the aisle seat. The children were able to lay down on the 2 other seats top and tail, one with a cushion against the window wall and the other using my lap as a pillow. It meant they were able to have a decent sleep during the flights, I was comfy and able to read and dh could watch a film, we also talked to eachother and napped.
He asked if I wanted to swap several times, but I found it a none issue. For some of the return flight younger dc decided he wanted to sit on his dads lap and I had 2 seats to have my legs up for a bit.

Another poster who asks AIBU with absolutely zero interest in hearing the answer.

I would have enjoyed my 2.5 hours, had a G&T and relaxed …. BUT honestly it would have been fair to give him a break for an hour 🤣

I’d have checked. Am sure most parents would cope but it’s no fun entertaining 2 kids that age bun yourself on a flight. I’d have swapped halfway.

Who did the heavy lifting with the 2 children on the flight out?
Who did the heavy lifting with the 2 children while actually on holiday?
If it wasn't balanced and fair, has the unfairness when it comes to dealing with the 2 children when you're both supposed to be on holiday been addressed?

Was this a last straw situation for you .. you were taking your 2 hours it's absolutely his turn ... or would he have checked in on you/swapped out had the situation been in reverse? Or is he talking absolute shite and it's yet more of him expecting you to do your share AND part of his share.

I have been the one stuck in this situation loads of times, as I'd go on a low cost airline before they had designated seats and end up with a three and a one seat and I'd sit between the two kids and my husband would fall asleep. I would expect him to come and ask me if I was ok, anyone needed to go to the loo and to help with bags getting off though, it's team parenting to do so if you are the one with the luxury of having no children!

We once got a two and a two, I got the chatterbox three year old who didn't stop talking the entire way, he got the older one who fell asleep.

Two and a half hours, plus taxiing plus getting off, so three hours is quite a reasonably long flight time for littlies- so whilst you technically didn't do anything wrong, you did hide with your drink and book and I think you know that.

We both travel fine on our own with them but neither of us would leave the other alone to parent while we had a lovely rest without even checking in. Because we give a hoot about each other

Yet your husband is the unhappy one!
Most couples would check in case the other needed a loo break.
No I would not leave young children in the plane without adult supervision while I went to the loo.

It’s not about anyone not managing; more what is reasonable in that situation.

I thought it was standard to swap half way through the flight if one of you is sat with the children, so you both get half the time in peace.

2.5 hour flight, an hour 15 alone to read your book each

You have missed the point.

Its not that they can't manage a couple of hours childcare on their own, but when there are two of you available, in this situation, its only decent to split that care rather than leave the other to do it on their own for the whole 2.5 hours. Or at least just bloody offer to do it. Its just a considerate thing to do that's all. 🙄

Well I suppose some kids are more demanding but ours are both with sen (although not officially at that point). I guess in that case I'd have let the other one stay outside the toilet.

I'm not agreeing with the OP, the issue isn't that they didn't check, it's the fact they are dismissive of their partner's understandable feeling about the situation.
And maybe it goes further back than that, as there must be back story causing resentment on one or both sides.

I’m ‘throwing my dummy out’ because I asked you why you’d bothered asking if you were being unreasonable when you clearly don’t think you are?!

Like I said, you’re terribly edgy op and everyone is very impressed 🤣