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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

431 replies

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 11:36

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

OP posts:
OnlyHasEyesForLoki · 13/06/2026 19:08

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 16:36

Pre-agreed that he’d sit with them on the return as I did on the way out. He also agreed to book the return seats, which he did, but by the time he got round to it, there wasn’t an adjacent aisle one.

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This clears the whole thing up I reckon! OP sat with them on the way out as pre-agreed and DH didn’t lift a finger. Then, as pre-agreed, DH sat with them on the way home. If he was so desperate to have her nearby he should have reserved the seats/ checked in as he had promised to earlier!!! He is not a child!!!

SwingTheMonkey · 13/06/2026 19:07

Nobody is saying they can’t parent for 2.5 hours and hopefully most posters’ husbands can easily parent for 2.5 hours. But 2.5 hours trying to keep 2 small children entertained who need to stay strapped into the seat they are sitting in is bloody hard work. It would be thoughtful to ask that parent if they need anything - even just a piss - during that time.
Pp’s who say that a dad who swanned off to sit in peace, leaving the mum with the kids would be roasted on here are absolutely correct.
But here posters are, giving op a pat on the back for behaving as badly as a shit father.

Pinkflamingo10 · 13/06/2026 19:01

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 11:51

I ordered a drink from the on board service and finished the book I barely got the chance to read whilst away. He’s a grown man, of course he was fine.

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If my husband did this to me I’d go fucking nuts
I think it should have been half/half so each parent gets a drink and peace for a short time.

MrsOni · 13/06/2026 18:53

It's 2 and a half hours, FFS.

If it was long haul, then yeah, pop up and maybe swap over. For a short haul hop? Nah, fuck that. If you can't parent for that length of time there is something a bit wrong.

Ireallycantthinkofagoodone · 13/06/2026 18:49

I agree with many PP’s who say they are a team, and would therefore willingly swap halfway, or just ‘check in’ to see if the one with the children would like to stretch their legs or go to the loo in peace.

MissRaspberryRipples · 13/06/2026 18:40

Would he have checked on you if he had taken the individual seat and left you with two kids on the flight? I bet if he's honest he probably wouldn't have done and would have enjoyed the peace and quiet time he got.

BuildbyNumbere · 13/06/2026 18:37

Floppyearedlab · 13/06/2026 17:48

Here we have it!
OP sat with the kids on the way out!
This is a total non issue.

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It they wasn’t separated … just across the aisle, so not really the same

BuildbyNumbere · 13/06/2026 18:35

Yes you should have gone and seen them … would you not have wanted him to had you been sat there with them?

Yoghurti · 13/06/2026 18:29

I’d loved to see the responses if the sexes were reversed and the mum was left with the kids while the dad chilled out elsewhere on the plane. No way is the OP real.

Support12 · 13/06/2026 18:25

Thechaseison71 · 13/06/2026 17:05

Why? Is the kids dad unable to look after his own kids? If so he needed the practice

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Would you say that if the dad had left the mum with no break during a 2 and a half hour flight?..

DearDenimEagle · 13/06/2026 18:23

If you have already decided, why ask the question?

Studyunder · 13/06/2026 18:09

with children that age yes, you should have check with your husband AND with each child.

ForBusyOliveBear · 13/06/2026 18:01

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 16:37

It goes some way to explaining why this site is awash of tales of useless husband’s
not pulling their weight, that’s for sure, given how little trust posters place in them.

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Did he check you were ok, needed the loo, offered to swap halfway through on the flight out there?

CaesarAugusta · 13/06/2026 18:00

Tel12 · 13/06/2026 11:42

Of course you should have checked in with him and swapped half way.

In a 2.5 hour flight, that would be fairly ridiculous. I'm sure that virtually every mother on here manages to look after small children for several hours at a time without needing someone else to check in on them.

Fatiguedwithlife · 13/06/2026 17:57

To the PP who wouldn’t leave the kid alone on the row if the other needed the loo, wtf? What do you think would happen to them? Spontaneously combust? Be kidnapped? Also he could have popped down to see where you were if he couldn’t possibly cope for 2 hours.
Well done for doing what a lot of dads would have done done 👏🏼

thestudio · 13/06/2026 17:54

Basically, he doesn't think he should have to do what she does. Because he's a man.

thestudio · 13/06/2026 17:53

Floppyearedlab · 13/06/2026 17:48

Here we have it!
OP sat with the kids on the way out!
This is a total non issue.

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this.

OVienna · 13/06/2026 17:53

Sesquioxides · 13/06/2026 11:44

I’m in two minds on this as we flew back from Japan two days ago, I was left with the kids while DH slept two rows away and ignored me shouting for him when DC1 started projectile vomiting 6 hours into the flight. Still pissed off. I feel like the parent sitting separately should check on their family occasionally because unless you check you just don’t know what the other parent is dealing with, but I know my recent experience is colouring my opinion somewhat. On the plus side thanks to the blokes on the row behind us for helping me out.

Flying back from Japan to - I am assuming the UK - is not the same as a 2.5 hour flight.

thestudio · 13/06/2026 17:53

I think it really depends on whether the OP does the bulk of parenting, mental load, and domestic shitwork, which is absolutely the norm.

In that situation, he owes her a break - something she won't really have had since they were born.

If it's evenly split, which I very much doubt, then they should have split the relax time as well.

Anonymouseposter · 13/06/2026 17:52

You were a bit selfish. He would also have been selfish if he had done the same.

Honeyhonay · 13/06/2026 17:50

YABU

Floppyearedlab · 13/06/2026 17:48

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 16:36

Pre-agreed that he’d sit with them on the return as I did on the way out. He also agreed to book the return seats, which he did, but by the time he got round to it, there wasn’t an adjacent aisle one.

Show quote history

Here we have it!
OP sat with the kids on the way out!
This is a total non issue.

Thechaseison71 · 13/06/2026 17:46

itsgettingweird · 13/06/2026 17:14

You’re deliberately missing the point. 🙄

You are BOTH parents and therefore should have both parented.

You opted out and im glad on a forum where there’s a lot of harshness towards men who opt out of anything equaling 50/50 most people do think YABU.

And FWIW I’m anyone alone to a disabled child that I’ve flown with many a time. It’s not the being able to
manage. It’s that with 2 parents you opted out of parenting.

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So it could've been one parent on kid duty one way and the other on way back. That's fair

lessglittermoremud · 13/06/2026 17:35

SwingTheMonkey · 13/06/2026 16:26

My DH can cope, he’s an incredible father. I just wouldn’t leave him for 2.5 hours without so much as being able to go for a piss… We’re a team and I’m not utterly selfish.

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Exactly this ^

Whatado · 13/06/2026 17:32

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 16:22

I genuinely feel sorry for some of you on here, that you don’t feel your ‘D’H’s can manage a couple of hours childcare.

Raise your standards for goodness sake.

My DH is home more with the kids than I am. He is perfectly capable of looking after them by himself and has had plenty of opportunities as I often go away by myself, work away, long hospital stays.

That has fuck all to do with sharing the load on a flight, but then I dont just see him as someone to tolerate for his use with the kids and we actually care about genuinely being nice to each other.

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