AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

I feel like this reads as a reverse too, just because it sounds like something a useless husband would do.

I've been sat slightly apart from my husband while I've been with the kids before, he checked in on us regularly. Not because I'm incapable, but because we are a team and it's easier for the person who's sat on their own to walk to the person alone with 2 young children, rather than getting up and taking the 2 children with you while looking for the other parent. Seems like it would be easier to sit in pairs, one parent with a child each.

Read my reasons why.

I’d have been annoyed if it was me, and I only have 1 child.

I regularly needed to travel with my baby to visit my dad in another country. I just did the parenting on my own.

It's her that won't sitvwirh other people so hardly his doing

He gives them screens and then puts his earphones in and ignores.

The man on the 10hour honeymoon flight was in a big family group around us with his wife in front. Him, me in the middle then DH. He started off by “accidentally” touching my leg when taking off his seat belt. Being very apologetic and smiley and friendly. I fell deeply asleep but kept feeling someone touching me and my dress being pushed up. DH was again asleep. I was disoriented due to lack of sleep and felt someone squeeze my breast. When I looked both DH and man looked to be asleep so I didn’t know for sure who it was although I knew it was the man but couldn’t prove it.

I would probably have checked they were all ok. But your DH was parenting his own children so you weren’t totally unreasonable

It’s not really odd for us, our (then) 2yr old is completely happy with either me or their dad. They’re used to spending time with either one of us on their own. We did shared parental leave so spent days individually look after them for longer periods (and at time one of us was working from home so knew we were around.

Yes, some people would be annoyed and I don’t think it’s odd that they would be as I don’t think every family dynamic is the same as ours. Equally I don’t think our dynamic is odd either as I’d imagine others are capable of understanding that their family set up isn’t like everyone else’s too.

My DH hates me checking-in on him when he's alone with the kids. He thinks I'm implying he can't cope and sees it as a great insult.

I don't think I'd expect him to come and swap seats half way or check-in. I'd take the kids and get him if there was a problem.

OP, did you book the holiday? Plan the itinerary? Buy the sun cream? Pack the kids’ suitcases? Sort the passports? Arrange for the bins to be taken out?

I do those things. I take the quiet seat, DH gratefully accepts this deal!

No one’s saying they can’t, he would do it for me too, it’s just nice

That’s terrible

My husband could cope fine, but it still wouldn't stop me checking if I could help at some point during the flight.

I’m so sorry that happened to you OP. How appalling. You poor thing.

He does sound astonishingly selfish! We would all like to just switch off and have a break from kids on a flight. How on earth does he manage it when he’s the one sitting with them?

Awful that he’s taking advantage of what happened to you too.

Yes, I have but when we have swapped and he sat with the kids he did the same thing. I was then woken by the kids as he was asleep with ear phones in, or he had woken me by snoring. Normally he shares the load, but on flights he is selfish. He knows I don’t like sitting next to strangers, men in particular, as I was groped by a man when I was asleep on a flight to our honeymoon.

I wouldn't have checked in and I wouldn't have expected him to check on me either. It was 2.5 hours. What would there be to check on?

I would have checked in a couple of times. More to say hello and show my face than anything else. Just for a wee minute or two. But then DP would definitely have done the same for me when the children were small. Unless he fell asleep🤣

Or asked before they were all seated if she would pop back and check.

OP appears to be being berated for not anticipating his needs or taking all the responsibly for the emotional labour of ensuring he was ok. He's an adult.

I can more or less guarantee that no man has ever
A) posted similar on a blokes forum (about not helping his wife)
B) then been told by the majority of posters that he was BU

OP said they had made an arrangement, she did the outward flight and DH did return. He appears to have got in a piss when it came to his turn.

For me, the most annoying part would be him passively 'enduring' without asking for help, then sulking afterwards because she didn't read his mind. Really unattractive.

My DH absolutely would have coped fine. But I'd still have had a wander down to say hi and check in. And if it was the other way around, he'd have walked down and checked on us too.

I'm sure the point's already been made (sorry, this thread is too long to read every post) that if it had been OP with the kids OPing about her DH who didn't even bother to wander down to see how everyone is, the DH would have been slaughtered in this thread.

Newsflash......Men can parent quite well alone and do not need supervision. In fact they often do better when they know that there wont be someone swooping in and taking over.

Mothers are no more indispensable than fathers are!

I cant believe 64% think Yabu.

What is the matter with everyone? 2.5 hours in chairs in the same plane and the mum has to go and check on everyone? And the accusations that she was selfish to sit and read? It's a plane. You sit on it, survive the ordeal and then get off the other end. What do people think would happen to them in those 2.5 hours?

Do you not challenge him re this? Sounds awful!

If he didn’t like this arrangement maybe next time agree to split each leg, so that you do half/ half of each journey?

With him taking the first half each time of course to make sure he does it.

My kids are teenagers now and they just take pictures of me once I’ve fallen asleep - which is so much better than when I couldn’t have the sleep! They wouldn’t send it to anyone, they’re nice really.