AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

Of course he could have coped on his own, and clearly did. I've taken my two on longer flights on my own and it's all fine...... However, it doesn't mean it's not hard work! I really like my husband and personally wouldn't have don't what you dod. In this situation, I would have checked in about halfway through and asked if all was well and whether he wanted to swap. I wouldn't leave him to feel he had to go find me if he was having a difficult time / just wanted a bit of relaxation time himself!

I don’t think we did the first time. I think I said, I’ll take the single seat if that’s ok. We say hi if we have to walk past each other on the way to the toilet, but I can’t say for certain we have done this on every flight. I don’t think either of us consider it a big deal, it’s just implied.

Last few words nail it, had a woman been sitting with their children on a flight while their father sat alone elsewhere and he didn't check if she was OK, maybe offered to swap, then the MN reaction would be LTB!

What about the return flight? I would have wanted to check on my children. I would have chosen to sit with them too

He should be perfectly capable of parenting. You should still have checked in with him. Which of you sat with the kids on the way out and did the other person do anything to help?

I’m also kind of surprised the two year old placidly accepted this arrangement. Mine would have screamed for the other parent if they’d known they were somewhere else on the plane and it would have been a pain to keep them in their seat and stop them dotting between the two.

I wouldn't have wandered down as once the kids saw me they would then want me. However we would have probably agreed to swap half way unless it was all smooth and he didn't need to swap.

Shortish flight, a grown man having to parent his own children. You were totally reasonable in having a peaceful flight. Bet it doesn’t happen very often.

I dunno. I think you should have swapped half way but if he's the kind of dad who usually shirks all parenting duties to you and would have left you alone the whole flight I don't blame you for taking the chance to enjoy some peace and let him know what it's like.

Let me guess, if it was you with the kids for 2.5 hours, he wouldn't have checked either?

2.5 hours is such a short time that it wouldn't occur to me to check that he was ''ok'' with his own kids.

Maybe if the flight was 4.5 hours and definitely if the flight was 8.5 hours but 2.5 hours? Really?

I think I would have offered to swap seats half way through so you both had some down time.

Sounds like you pre agree to this though and still say hi at some point?

Wouldn't a swap half way through have been beneficial for the kids, too, a fresh face to play with/talk to?

I'm sure either parent would have managed on their own had that been necessary but with the luxury of both of you being there, why make it difficult?

"Checking in" is an expression which implies a hierarchical relationship in which one party is subordinate to another. Like students to a teacher or employees to a boss.

I think some of these responses are a bit over the top. We have done this on many occasions. It’s 2.5hrs, it’s a short haul flight. We’re both completely capable of looking after children on our own and it’s not really any trouble. It’s nice to give the other person a break for a few hours. We’d probably say hi on the way to the toilet, but we wouldn’t bother swapping on a flight that short. It’s something I actively look forward to when we go away, a few hours to myself with a drink and a book - very relaxing!!

Of course you know you're unreasonable and you're deliberately misinterpreting what he meant. Only someone who wanted to make some sort of passive aggressive point would do what you did.

I doubt anyone would be agreeing it was acceptable if he had taken the single seat and zoned out for two hours.

Last flight I was on I watched a woman struggle to keep her two little ones entertained while her husband stuck his headphones on and had a nap. So yes, you’re being unreasonable. You should have offered to swap halfway through. And who doesn’t book seats in advance with young children? Expensive or not, you suck up the cost 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, I definitely would have gone to check in with my DH in this scenario, and my DH would have also checked in with me. Perhaps seeing if a swap was a good idea, in case the kids were being especially difficult.

I recently flew with my two 8yr olds. I was with them in a row and my DH was in the row in front. I can’t imagine that he wouldn’t have popped over to check on us had he been further away. Of course I can ‘cope’ with them, but it’s not about ‘coping’, it’s about the courtesy of knowing that flights can be a difficult environment for very little children and him caring about how it’s going. We’re on holiday, it’s ideal everyone is having a nice time.

That is silly. It’s an enclosed space. What was going to happen? He loses them?

Sorry but both mother or father should be able to cope for 2,5 hours and the children ought to be able to behave for at least some of that time if you had brought snacks, toys, colouring etc.

Well, you may find out for yourself.

YABU. We’ve been in a situation like this and swapped half way through. 2 year olds are hard work on short flights with not much space.

(And I say that as someone who’s flown solo from uk to aus with a 5 and a 2 yo. So I’m pretty resilient, but if there are 2 parents on the plane we don’t leave it to just one parent!)

OP how would you have felt if he’d taken the single seat and not checked in with you?

If a man did this he would be flamed! I would have thought it reasonable for you to pop up and say 'hi' once during the flight. Seems like you were trying to make a point.

I’d be furious if I was the husband! You should have at least walked by and expressed sympathy.

I guess they struggle. But if you have two parents then you don’t have to be in that situation. I think you’re grossly unreasonable to be honest. To be extent that I agree it reads like a reverse.