AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

Phones would have been on airplane mode obviously

I would highly doubt it was 50/50, and if OP sat with the kids on the way out why shouldn't she have some peace and quiet ont he way back, it's only 2.5hrs

He could have pressed the call button and asked the attendant to get you? Or texted you.

From the wording of 'finish the book I didn't get a chance to on holiday' I am going to assume that the DH left most of the active parenting to OP while they were away, so this is her claiming the time back.

If so, then yanbu OP. If it is fair for you to do all the graft on holiday, it is fair him to take this turn. After all, if it was such hard work he wouldn't have left it up to you while you were away.

If not then yabu, offering to tag in half way is pretty normal.

YANBU. Have you left him alone with them whilst you go for a weekend away (or night)? I think you should consider that. My DB copes perfectly well with his toddler (including bedtimes) by himself.

I think you should have swapped halfway. As a lone parent I did flights with 2 children and it's hard, he could have done with a break. It's so much easier with 2 people to take the responsibility. Perhaps he might have liked to relax with a book too.

Is there a drip-feed here about how you didn’t get to read your book on holiday because he left all the parenting to you? Or was the parenting shared 50/50 on holiday?

If the father had left the mum with the kids then the LTB call would be deafening. The OP was totally selfish to leave her husband and not offer to swap half way through. What a poor attitude to have and show her children.

It really doesn't.

I usually do hour on hour off with my husband when travelling on trains, so far on planes we're always together. He's a 50/50 type husband day in day out however, if yours isn't and you got some well deserved respite then great!

They cope because they have no choice but to. In this situation, there were two capable parents on the flight. Having just returned from a flight where DD3 was a nightmare, but I travelled alone, I knew I’d have to cope with her. But had DP been a few rows in front enjoying his relaxing flight, I’d have been deeply resentful at being left to handle it on my own. The kind thing to do would be to swap halfway through.

You are not though so its irrelevant.

Any parent, who actually gave a shit, would check in and make sure they were okay. Its just the decent thing to do to be honest. How would you feel if the position were reversed and he took the empty seat and read his book and had a drink while you coped with them alone? 2.5 hrs on a flight is a long time with little ones. I can't imagine for a second doing this to my DH.

Unless this is a drip feed and you are going to tell us he is a shit Dad who does nothing at home and leaves you coping alone all the time so this was some sort of payback?

You keep talking about whether he can cope or not, but that isn’t the point. It just isn’t very nice when you’re ten meters away to not share the load. Do you even like each other?
when my dc were that age, I liked them, and my husband, and wanted to spend time with them. Sure I liked time alone too, but you were on a plane, 10m apart. I can’t imagine completely ignoring my dh and toddlers for a few hours in that circumstance.

He was perfectly capable of 2.5 hours with the kids. What would you need to check in about?! Ridiculous.

Plus from your description of finishing a book I'd imagine it's not been a restful holiday for you with kids of those ages. Holidays when kids are young aren't really holidays are they. They're just parenting in a different location.

I think letting the generally less hands on parent sit with the kids for 2.5 hours while the more hands on parent has a rest is more than fair. Yes I'm making assumptions but I bet I'm right that the op generally does more kid wrangling both at home and on holiday.

I would have expected DH to check on me and offer to swap half way. So if have done the same thing if it were him. He's a perfectly capable parent, as am I, but a flight is a very intensive time with 2 young children.

OP, I reckon you’re in a big mood with him for being a crap parent on holiday and punished him by giving him plane duty while you read your book.
(If that’s the case, I like your style. It would never have occurred to my husband in his wildest dreams that HE would be the default parent tasked with sitting with the kids. The kids were considered an extension of me when they were little).

Coping due to necessity and coping due to selfishness are two different things.

He did cope. But he shouldn’t have had to. Two parents so the parenting should be split!

one relaxing with a book and a drink while the other is trying to keep two little ones entertained isn’t fair.

How old are your kids? Seems odd you’ve got a 2 year old that would wave and not be bothered about knowing you were sat further up the plane. It’s obviously fine if this works for you, but OPs husband being annoyed about it is also fair enough

I would have checked in and offered to swap halfway through.
My DH is a fully functioning adult and often looks after the children by himself so I wouldn’t be checking in because of him not being able to cope, I’d be checking in because all my family are seated elsewhere and they might need something
I would want him to check that I was ok if it was reversed, I’d be pretty pissed off if he stuck his nose in a book and ignored us 😂

If it were me, I would have come and offered to swap half way. You don’t want to stand around chatting in the aisle because that annoys everyone and gets in the way but I would have come to see them. I’d also expect DH not to take me up on the offer of swapping!

I think yabu. Of course he could cope, but there were 2 parents in the plane so he shouldn't need to. you have by far the better end of that deal and are having a totally different flight experience, so why wouldn't you pop and say hi ( and check he didn't want to swap) once? If kids are playing up, or need cleaning after being sick, or anything else, it would make sense to share the load a bit. If all fine, then great, no problem, but you can't know either way if you are nowhere near them. Unless you are missing info like this was agreed as part of a deal where he got same amount of uninterrupted time on the holiday, and he didn't check in during that?

It makes a change for it to be mum doing it though, so well done for that. Our last flight, 2 people next to dh (across the aisle from us) got moved leaving him 2 empty seats and the air steward was so quick to say 'and now one of the kids can move across so you can both have some space ' that it was clear she was so sick of dads checking out that she was taking charge rather than waiting to see what he would do!

Are you regularly in tricky situations on your own with both kids? Or does he usually help? That would define my answer here.

Do you take both kids together on your own to buy shoes? Or do a long drive with them to visit family? Or fly with them by yourself?

On holiday did you take them swimming for a morning whilst he lay in? Or take them to the beach on your own?

If so, it’s completely reasonable to expect him to do it. However, if he’s always the one doing these things and you never do, or he always offers to help you, then you should really have offered.

YABU.
You (as in both of you) should have been better organized and checked in promptly so you could pick seats together or paid or the seats when you originally booked the flight.
You were unreasonable for not checking in with him and actually you should have swapped half way through the flight so that both of you got a break. This should have been discussed when you found out you didn't have seats together.

If a woman had come on here and said her DH hadn't come by to see how she was doing and didn't offer to swap to give her a break from a 2 year old and 5 year old, the DH would have got a pasting for being selfish.

I have to say I think YABU. Whilst he absolutely should be able to manage for 2.5 hours on his own, if he was the one that took the lone seat and then left you as the mum to it, everyone would be out with their pitchforks saying LTB.

I would have swapped halfway.