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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for not checking on DH and the kids during flight?

431 replies

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 11:36

We recently returned from an abroad holiday, we left the online check in too late which meant we had 3 seats next to each other, and then a seat further down the plane about 15 rows in front, as opposed to next to the 3 on the opposing row (as we did on the way out).

I took the single seat and DH was with DS2 and DD5 in the three.

The flight was only short haul so about 2.5 hours. DH was (and to an extent still is) unhappy that I didn’t check in with him during the flight, which he described as hard work with our kids being young.

I said he’s perfectly capable of parenting and didn’t need me checking up on him. He maintains I should have checked in.

AIBU?

OP posts:
minipie · 13/06/2026 13:41

Did you have sole care of the 2 kids on the flight out? (I know you were all seated close together on the way out but perhaps DH left it all to you? In that case it would be fair to leave it all to him on the way back.

If not, if childcare duty was shared on the way out then you should have shared it or at least checked in on the way back. DH and I take turns.

CheddarBiscuit · 13/06/2026 13:40

Not a fucking chance would I have checked for 2.5 hours. It's a film and snacks.

If it was long haul id 100% have swapped half way.

ForBusyOliveBear · 13/06/2026 13:39

The DH is a hero and should be treated as one.

Springsummertime · 13/06/2026 13:38

Yeah pretty selfish not to check on them or offer to swap! Doesn’t sound like good team work!!

Bournetilly · 13/06/2026 13:38

If it was the other way round and your DH left you with the kids for the whole flight people would be saying he was unreasonable. You should have swapped half way through the flight.

SwingTheMonkey · 13/06/2026 13:38

Greenwitchart · 13/06/2026 13:18

I am sorry, but you think trusting your partner to look after his own kids for the duration of a relatively short flight means that you are not a ''normal human being'' or that you don't love your partner?

Sometimes these threads feel like stepping into some kind of weird, parallel universe.

Show quote history

It’s not about not trusting your partner, my husband is an exemplary father. It’s about realising how bloody awful flying is with toddlers and offering to share the load.

Id be pissed off if my husband sat back with a drink to read his book so I wouldn’t do it to him. But then our parenting is equal…

Globules · 13/06/2026 13:36

onmylastnerveseriously · 13/06/2026 11:41

Firstly well done from all women everywhere for making him step up and parent.

But with kids that age I’d have swapped half way.

No well done from me.

In that situation I'd never have needed to make XH "step up and parent". Because he was a parent.

If women keep telling each other things like this, then women are setting each other a low bar and building an expectation that men are all incapable and need to be told what to do by "mum".

OP-when that happened to XH and I, we agreed a time we'd swap seats. YABU.

Clearinguptheclutter · 13/06/2026 13:36

Been in a similar situation and swapped half way. Hard work, at least when my kids were under 5, and the person in the single seat definitely gets a better deal

Megifer · 13/06/2026 13:34

Op did he make his needs very clear to you, or did he expect you to be a mind reader?

susiedaisy1912 · 13/06/2026 13:34

onmylastnerveseriously · 13/06/2026 11:41

Firstly well done from all women everywhere for making him step up and parent.

But with kids that age I’d have swapped half way.

This.

Bethany83 · 13/06/2026 13:34

If it was me I would have checked in but I am more interested and impressed that you got to sit on your own as the mother and not the father. How did that end up happening? Well done! 👍

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/06/2026 13:32

MimiSunshine · 13/06/2026 13:22

Weird joke. You’re not funny

Show quote history

Lighten up. Have some Pimms.

noworklifebalance · 13/06/2026 13:31

Greenwitchart · 13/06/2026 13:18

I am sorry, but you think trusting your partner to look after his own kids for the duration of a relatively short flight means that you are not a ''normal human being'' or that you don't love your partner?

Sometimes these threads feel like stepping into some kind of weird, parallel universe.

Show quote history

You are being deliberately obtuse. Nothing to do with trust at all.

KnitNot · 13/06/2026 13:29

Whilst I would have checked myself, I am paradoxically secretly somewhat in awe of you OP and kind of admire what you did.

JillThePlantKiller · 13/06/2026 13:26

YANBU. On our holidays I did the child wrangling on airplanes, and dh slept. In return he does all the holiday driving, and we’re both happy. It’s definitely active parenting but not really a major deal.

BuckChuckets · 13/06/2026 13:25

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 11:52

How do single parents who travel with multiple kids cope?

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We grin and bear it 😂 If you were saying your DH ignored you and the 2 kids all flight, I'd be saying he's a useless parent. Why is it different because you're the mother? (Still waiting for the 'reverse' reveal, tbh)

W0tnow · 13/06/2026 13:23

It was a bit funny.

MimiSunshine · 13/06/2026 13:22

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/06/2026 13:21

I was joking you know.

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Weird joke. You’re not funny

lornad00m · 13/06/2026 13:22

noworklifebalance · 13/06/2026 13:15

It is still possible to do both.
I can’t imagine either of us feeling like that about each other that way about each other.

My DH still checks in to see if the evening is going ok when he does a long day and I am at home with the DC, and they are older teens who are no trouble. So far removed from a cramped plane journey with young children.

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My comment still stands. It was only a 2 1/2 hour flight. But you do you.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/06/2026 13:22

Thepeopleversuswork · 13/06/2026 12:58

Grim. Do you give your husband a blow job whenever he’s pissed off with you?

Some leverage he has…

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Nah just steak. It was a joke!

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/06/2026 13:21

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/06/2026 13:13

For him just having to be a parent for 2.5hrs?

Show quote history

I was joking you know.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 13/06/2026 13:21

MimiSunshine · 13/06/2026 12:41

WTAF

so gross.

make up for what? Him parenting solo for a couple of hours.
you think he gets to use her body as payment / compensation?

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It’s a bloody joke. Unclench.

Livpool · 13/06/2026 13:20

Dhflightsulk · 13/06/2026 11:52

How do single parents who travel with multiple kids cope?

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He isn’t a singly parent though. I’d have checked with DH, and he has done the same for me.

Greenwitchart · 13/06/2026 13:18

noworklifebalance · 13/06/2026 13:04

It’s not about childcare - it’s just about being a normal human being. If the roles were reversed I would expect the father to check in on the mother.
Actually, if DH and I were flying without DC and ended up in different parts of the plane, we would wander over for quick hello and a check-in…. We actually do love and care about each other so it wouldn’t occur to us to act in any other way.

Edited
Show quote history

I am sorry, but you think trusting your partner to look after his own kids for the duration of a relatively short flight means that you are not a ''normal human being'' or that you don't love your partner?

Sometimes these threads feel like stepping into some kind of weird, parallel universe.

ACynicalDad · 13/06/2026 13:16

I’d nott expect it but be pleasantly surprised if it happened. Generally my wife would rather the kids than a stranger though.