Inheritance One

Been there. It hurts. It’s valid that it hurts. But know that your grandparents loved and appreciated you.

TBH id be more concerned around your parents’ poor financial decision, if they have the opportunity to clear debt they should probably take it rather than ‘treating’ everyone. Your siblings have also given you a clear indication on how they view their elders. Take note.

I put my life on pause for three months to care for my mum night and day until she died. I knew my two siblings who'd had no contact with her until she was diagnosed with cancer, and even then didn't do any of the care, would get their share of inheritance. I was absolutely fine with that because they were still her children equally regardless of the care they provided.

I didn't care for her for the inheritance, I did it out of love as I'm sure you did. The two things are completely seperate issues. Your siblings were still the grandchildren, it would be terrible if your parents decided not to give them a share of the inheritance and did you. If you don't want your share you don't need to take it or reframe it in your head, now that your parents have come into money they want to financially gift all their children.

I can see you are upset but your post doesn't make any sense OP.. you say you cared for your grandparents because you wanted to not for any financial rewards and you didn't expect anything because everything was going to their children.
But in the next breath you are angry because your siblings are getting the same amount from your parents as you are. It sounds as though you did expect some financial reward over and above what your siblings are getting.
Why don't you ask your parents for a personal memento of your grandparents for sentimental reasons and don't worry about what your parents decide to gift your siblings and move on.

It’s really up to the parent there’s nothing you can do about it.

You can't have it both ways

Your parent has an inheritance and wants to use a bit of it to give a gift to his/her children.

Would it help to dissociate the money from your grandparent and just see it as an equal gift from parent to children?

No you only want them to have a better life because it's £2,000. If it was £50,000 you'd want to have a better life,

I suppose I feel miffed that I dedicated so much time and effort to providing care when they didn’t and that they will now benefit.

so on the one hand you did the care and didn't expect anything in return, then you are miffed because you did the care for your relative and deserve some money more.

give your head a wobble, you sound grabby

But the GP didn't gift them anything, op parents did from their inheritance.

I get it OP, I've been in a similar position myself, it does seem unfair...but in situations like this the only fair thing is that all inheritances are equally split.

Currently going through a horrid situation where one DC is insisting on taking the full share of a deceased relatives estate (leaving their sibling nothing, as per the will) despite having also benefited from taking an equal share of another inheritance. It's causing a lot of aggravation that could be avoided if everything was just divided equally, rather than parties feeling hard done by because they provided more care etc. Its the only fair way.

Yes it’s still the other sibling’s grandparent, but the sibling didn’t bother seeing their grandparent for 4 years. They evidently weren’t bothered or they would have made some sort of effort to visit.

But everyone including your parents needs to make their own choices about how to spend their money.
I suspect your anger is really down to grief from your loss . You couldn't control that loss or the way it happened and are left with some family members who possibly mean a bit less to you than your grandmother. Its so painful.

If you don't want the money you could donate it to your grandparents favourite charity.

I'm one of 5 siblings. I provided care for my parents, none of my siblings bothered. But I wanted to do it, I didn't do it for any other reason than I loved them and wanted to help.

Now they've passed away I'm dealing with their estate. It will be split 5 ways equally. We are all their children and I don't want to be financially compensated for anything.

I look back and see how close we were, the lovely memories and don't regret it. It's what I wanted to do. Whereas some of my siblings feel guilt and regret.

I think you should just accept the money, and see the care you gave as a separate thing.

Yet you aren't grabby...
My well off relative died. I got 10k which literally paid the debt ex had left me with. Her carer got her 375k house... I assume she damn well earned it! My relative had gone nc with me as I was unable to care for her.
I still wanted a relationship with her but she only wanted a carer. Sad she died not caring about me not the other way round. Yabu to judge the feelings of guru siblings. They may well have cared just didn't want a carer role.

Yabu and very grabby.
its still their grandparent.
id try to focus on the fact that you were able to spend time and comfort your grandparent, not monetise it

I understand why it stings, but not everyone is cut out to be a carer, and your parent has to be seen to be fair.

I'm sure your work was massively appreciated by your grandparent, what a lovely thing to do.

They've received the money from their parent though.

As a parent, I'd struggle to gift different amounts to my children, it just wouldn't feel right.