Inheritance One

The confusing part is the not wanting your siblings to have anything. I don't want money so they shouldn't get any either.

Your parents have chosen to pass on some of it, nothing to do with their parent.

Bereavement is a funny thing. It makes an awful lot of people think and behave in slightly bonkers ways.

Sorry for your loss.

then what do you want?

They've chosen not to. You just have to move on.

The thing is, once it's your mum's* money, which it is, she can do whatever she likes with it. Blow it on the pools, pay off debt, give it to Battersea Dog's Home...

What she's chosen to do is give each of her children a cash gift. Where that money originated is irrelevant now that it's hers.

• Or dad. Whichever.

This isn't about inheritance, it's about your parents wanting to share a financial windfall with their children, which is a kind action on their part. If they gave more to one child than to the others, it would almost certainly cause resentment and they presumably don't want that, they want all their children to be happy. Try just being happy about being given a gift of money, it's not difficult!

Can you not think that if your parent died then they would leave this £2000 presumably to each of their children as part of their estate anyway? So the same thing would happen, just on a time-delay and you'd be less conscious of any unfairness.

This is just the same thing happening, only without the time lapse.

Turn it down then?

Your parent is allowed to offer their children a gift, and your siblings are allowed to accept.

I would be annoyed too, OP. Your parent should acknowledge the hard work you put in looking after their parent. Caring is a thankless task. I would recommend that anyone caring for an elderly parent should take fair payment for the hours they do if the relative has money. If anyone else wants to step up, they can be paid too.

It’s not about the money is it at all. People aren’t understanding that and focusing on the money.

Yes, it's unfair. Life is unfair. The only person you will hurt by feeling resentful and upset is you. Take the £2K, enjoy it, and forget about the rest.

Accept with grace…….you know you did your absolute best to make your GP life comfortable. This is your parents inheritance and they wish to share with their own children.

I absolutely understand why you feel the way you do. You’re not ‘grabby’ as someone suggested above🙄 It just stings not to have any special acknowledgement of the love and kindness you showed your grandmother compared with your siblings who didn’t darken her door. But your parent, whose money it became, chose to treat all their children the same, which is completely understandable. I would do the same, simply because I love my children equally. I wonder if there’s a little keepsake you could have that would have particular memories for you? I do think that many people have romantic notions of being a carer. Yes, you do it out of love. Yes, you do it out of duty. But it can be an absolute thankless slog that sucks the life out of you. If a stranger was providing the care, they would get paid. But if you are emotionally attached to the person, you get nothing, even though it takes more away from you as someone who actually loves the person. It is complex.

i understood the situation as @Tryagain26 did, it was exactly as you posted it.

Money being passed down generations in a family is just what happens for family prosperity. In most cases it isn't in any way a proxy for love or depth of relationships, it is entirely separate. Your love for and relationship with your grandparent is its own reward; knowing you did what you felt was the right thing and that they knew you loved them. It may be too late now but other ways of demonstrating your relationship as more close than that with your siblings, could be mentioning you differently in the obituary or during the funeral service, or giving you first option at choosing something of the grandparent's (an ornament or furniture etc)

You said you cared for your GP for no other reason than out of love and care.
Yet, you now have an expectation that you should receive more inheritance than your siblings.

so the inheritance your parent got was £8k, they are basically dividing it in 4 so that they/you/each of your siblings get £2k?

and you'd prefer they used the £8k to deal with existing debts?

I can understand that feeling. I was so upset when my sister died that I didn't want anything. But a little later I regretted it.
Why don't you buy yourself something in memory of your grandparents so every time you see it/wear it you can remember them and the loving care you provided.
Don't waste time thinking about your siblings. Just take comfort knowing that you were there for them when they needed you.

I'd be a little unavoidably hurt too.

Well, at least you know now how your parents feel about the value of caregivers and they'll be needing more care eventually.

Hopefully they and your siblings don't already see you as the established free carer of the family.

Ah we don't get decide what other people do with their money though, despite what we think would be best for them.