Inheritance One

Voting closed but YANBU. Why should people who didn't give a toss get anything?

I think people are being very hard on you. It’s grief and understandable that you feel slightly cheated even though you weren’t caring with money in mind. It’s about recognition for your sacrifice and it’s a hard job - and you lost them. The money is representing something bigger. Be kind to yourself and buy something to remember your grandparent as you can’t change it now xx

It's your parents that have made the decision to give money to their children from the inheritance not your grandparents . It is their money as they were given it . Try not to see it as your grandparents money .
You have the privilege of going through life knowing you did your best for your grandparents , they have not so feel happy about that .

Hi Op I get what you’re saying but unfortunately your siblings didn’t care about grandparents and you do. So you are grieving and there cheerful about the money. If I was you I would accept the gift put in the bank and in the future if you need something use it then. You can’t control your parents or siblings feelings and some people are just heartless. Op but you can keep your dignity and let the grief process happen. Your parents are just thinking they are being kind giving you all a lump sum. Equally which is fair for their children. Sorry for your loss.

Do your siblings know about your parents debt?

I think it’s time to have a family meeting.

I agree with you OP. I’d raise it with your parent and encourage them to withdraw the offer from you grandchildren. Can’t believe your siblings didn’t see their grandparent for 4 years. Wow, how callous!

Every time I read about "inheritance " money there is always a problem with someone. So your parents got left money so it is theirs do with as they please. They chose to give some to their children and see them enjoy it as is their right. If you don't like it then give yours back, how your siblings spend it is not your problem. I have solved all this by leaving my children out of my will altogether & charity will benefit. I've worked hard, given my kids a good life and good start and will spend my money as I see fit. Inheritance is not a right but a privilege and any money your parents give you wherever it came from, should be enjoyed and maybe that will make them happy. You are mixing the care you chose to give your grandparents with resentment that your parents choose to treat each of their children equally. I'm glad my parents left me with nothing but lovely memories.

So you need to look at this differently. Grandparents left their money to their children.
Your parent now has that money, its theirs. Your parent wants to gift all their children £2000. Thats lovely and very generous of them.

This isnt your Grandparents inheritance. Its a gift from a parent

YABU and contradicting yourself.

This is nothing to do with inheritance!

The proposed gift is a gift from your parents, not your grandparents. The grandparents left everything to their children and nothing to you or your siblings. From what I can gather, your parents have not filed a deed of variation against the will, so the £2k is simply a gift coming directly from them to you and your siblings.

So you didn't do it for the money but now you're pissed you're not getting the most money?! 🤦🏼‍♀️

“I never expected anything”

So why, then, should it matter that you that your siblings have benefitted? Do you begrudge your grandparent’s other children their inheritance? Your DGM did not leave money to your siblings - she left it to your parents, and they have very generously decided to benefit their children. From their POV, they love all their children, and don’t want to be divisive in giving one DC more than another. It sounds as though what you want is acknowledgement for the fact that you cared for your grandparent. The money is supremely irrelevant, OP, and you are getting yourself all bent out of shape about something that doesn’t matter. I’m sure your parents were grateful for the effort you made on your grandparent’s behalf. Don’t begrudge your siblings their windfall, just because they didn’t take care of the grandparent - the money didn’t come from the grandparent: it came from your parents, and no looking after of them was involved.

I do get your annoyance, you devoted a lot of time and your siblings nill, yet they are gifted the same. Thing is, wills and money are not given from service they are passed down by the choosing of the departed often if you did or did not. However you have something they don’t have, honour you cared for them, the time and memories. Do not let them try to falsify accounts where suddenly in a few years they did too.

I would ask to have a small momento of them to keep.
You did a good thing, be proud.

I’d be more annoyed at your GP who allowed you to provide care which you found ‘hard’ whilst sitting with money in the bank which could have been used to buy in care and leave you free of the burden.
I hope I don’t do that to my family.

See if you can persuade your parent to give it to The Cats Protection.

It will save all these family squabbles and ill feelings.

This is exactly what I was going to say. Your parents are gifting something to you and your siblings from what is now theirs. If your grandparents had done it, I would see what you mean, but they didn’t @Chocolatefiregaurd

Maybe your Mum loves you both equally.

So you would only care for an elderly relative in expectation of a greater inheritance. Yuk.

This.

What did you expect your parent to do with their share of the money? For what it’s worth I think id be miffed too. It’s not even really about the care, but more about the lack of contact for years that would annoy me.
Did your parent have any inkling that this was your grandparent actually wanted despite the lack of contact? Is it possible that the lack of contact was for reasons partly of the grandparents making and your parent doesn’t feel your siblings should miss out because of an issue that wasn’t their doing?
Regardless, I can totally see why a parent wouldn’t want to cause a rift by being anything less than equitable with the money. Regardless of the relationship with the grandparent, the inheritance is THEIR money now to do with as they see fit, and not a reflection of the relationship with the GP or lack thereof.