Parenting Professor says that she supports smacking children

Who said it was a smack? A pinch is a pinch and a smack is a smack/hit, but they’re both physical aggression carried out by an adult towards a child which shouldn’t be acceptable.

Of course we have different children. All of mine are different from each other. The point is the boundaries are for YOU, not the children, and it’s your job to figure out how to not cross the lines while raising very different children. It’s the harder way to parent but also more rewarding.

It’s not that hard, you explain to child reasons why climbing time is coming to and end and they will listen. They maybe counter with oh just five more minutes and often that’s sure 5 more minutes is ok but no more otherwise you will miss out on time to finish your colouring project or bath time will be a quick shower instead. The give and take gives them choices, and illusion of control.

So in that case we have very, very different children. There is absolutely no way once she’s fixated on something distraction or bribery would work. In fact, she’s smart enough to know that’s what you’re trying to do and gets even more furious!

What situation is this? I’ve never had to use physical force to prevent a child getting back on a climbing frame. I’ve used distraction and bribery.

it’s acceptable to pull her off and to pin her down and to grab her and manhandle her no that’s not acceptable.

I cared at the time, it hasn’t damaged me long run as an adult.

Yes. It’s flummoxed everyone because they’re treating it like a maths equation - surely violence doesn’t solve violence etc. When child behaviour and society can’t be reduced to a series of discreet rhetorical statements.

But if you couldn't care less then it did absolutely no good at all, did it?

But if it made you care less - then that's not what you want if you want your child to be nice, kind and well behaved. You don't want a child that just doesn't care - and that's often what happens to a child that is overly or too frequently punished. They stop caring.

Well, what does? Our kids are more anxious and violent than ever. The lack of smacking hasn’t been a recipe for great mental health has it?

It’s also unacceptable to force another adult to go to bed and control their food and socialising choices. It’s coercive control. But we do that with kids and it’s seen as good parenting. Children are not small adults.

Like I said I’ve never hit, but I’m not as horrified by reasonable chastisement as everyone else seems to be. My parents gave me a light smack on the bottom if I did something very naughty or dangerous, I couldn’t care less. And I haven’t turned out violent myself.

'Lee, who is also part of the Be Reasonable England campaign, which supports the use of smacking, said: "It would be great if we could just be nice to children and think they would just be nice back.

"But the reality of it is, is that in order for children to understand the rules of society, and to learn how to behave in a way that is moral, and that is good, we have to have boundaries, and boundaries have to be backed up."'

This is all so odd to me. Does anyone really think that backing up your boundaries by smacking children makes them nicer and kinder? How could that possible be the case? If someone smacked you would it make you nicer and kinder? Then why would we imagine that it would make children nicer and kinder? Why would we not think that they'd actually just be learning that to get other people to do what you want you should ideally be bigger than them and hit them?

The thing with the smacking debate that I find endlessly confusing is everyone agrees smacking another adult is unacceptable but a large number of people who think it’s fine to hit a child (who has less control over their behaviour) don’t see the disconnect.

I wasn’t hit. I don’t hit my children. Hitting just teachers the strongest person get to win. Thats not a lesson I’m interested in teaching my children.

I think, for a professor to make a claim that ignores fairly expansive prior research on the subject lacks a professional approach.

We know that corporal punishment does little to improve behaviour (hence why adults who use it keep having to use it - the behaviour doesn't stop). We know that physical abuse has a negative impact on children's physical and mental health.

There's a lot of solid, peer reviewed research she seems to think she can ignore to share her own unsubstantiated opinions.

Yes!!! This post and the one at 1657 by Walkyrie sum it up perfectly.

I don’t know … I wouldn’t personally describe a pinch as a smack.

Maybe there is regional variation.

Likewise, I see where you're coming from but do you think anyone would say a woman was "smacked" by an abusive partner?

It’s terminology that people attach meaning to, even though it’s for the same thing. A punch would be a closed fist.
Let’s face it when children are aggressive towards eachother or an adult it’s really described as “smacking” and almost always described as “hitting”. When it’s an adult to a child the reverse is true because smacking is a softer more socially acceptable word for the same thing, which is hitting.

I have never smacked my kids. They have firm boundaries and they are lovely, polite, well rounded teenagers. You can have boundaries without resorting to abusive behaviour. Why should smacking be accepted in the home when it isn't ok in schools or the workplace?

Well i certainly think we have got parenting wrong in the last 25 years. So so many badly behaved children , so many indulged entitled youngsters, young adults that can't accept others have a point of view that may differ from theirs and have no respect for anyone, young adults that can't function. That is down to parents not parenting but wanting to be their childs "friend", parents not laying down lines in the sand, parents making 1001 excuses for their child being bloody wild.
Obviously the parenting of the last quarter of a century has not worked so it is maybe time to try something else. No child should be battered but they need structure, boundries and firmness.

A punch is when you strike someone with a closed fist. A hit doesn't have to be a closed fist, it's just to strike something. You can hit a ball with a bat but you can't punch a ball with a bat because a punch means to hit with a closed fist.

Agree, the thrashing is wild and absolutely not just a kid crying and wriggling about a bit. Seriously, with mine it was like performing an exorcism - strangers (usually older ones with adult kids or the clearly child free) would look on shocked at their screaming and thrashing. You can’t physically clip them into a car seat or buggy, they will fight you tooth and nail not to get in, while clawing at your face and kicking as hard as they can.

Thankfully neither of my kids attacked me past the age of 2/3, but they fight with each other now and I remind the oldest that self defence is perfectly fine. She’s allowed to protect herself if her brother attacks her, and vice versa.

Why would I claim that? There are abusive parents all over, plenty of people here are happily cheering about how smacking children is needed.
Picking up a small child up and squeezing them “harder than necessary” because the parent has utter lost control of their emotions is not remotely something to aim for and is just shit parenting.
I’m not sure your point, of course parents have taken their aggression out physically on their children but it’s not acceptable behaviour.

Wow did your kids really go to a nursery that like? It sounds absolutely horrendous. I've worked in a number of nurseries and preschools and no adult has ever behaved like that.

I once had to drive the thankfully short trip back from a supermarket as I could not get my then two year old in the car seat. Just wasn’t happening.

Mine are strong and rage makes them stronger. It isn’t just the strength. It’s the way they can twist and contort and you can’t use too much force to contain them because they are toddlers and they are little and you could really hurt them!

I know that there is a lot of bad practice in reality but I would hope that those with that sort of responsibility for an adult would have been trained in appropriate restraint techniques. It's not ideal but sometimes it's necessary.