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Original poster

Ex partner introduced our son to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”

260 replies

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 09:16

Ex partner introduced our son (7) to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”.
AIBU to think this is abnormal and concerning? Honestly I’m so angry and he’s completely betrayed my trust. I asked him out right who this girl was 2 weeks ago after my son mentioned her and whether it was someone he was dating and he said no it’s a friend, a few days later he’s posting her on Instagram and evidently she’s not just a friend.
I don’t think he’s known her long, they spent the last 2 Saturdays together, with my son. In my eyes that is not taking it slow and he shouldn’t be introducing him to people he’s know 5 mins! He’s done this once before and it ended within a month and my son is still upset he doesn’t get to see her dogs… 2 years later! Now he’s excited about this ones cats! My mum introduced me to lots of men which really wasn’t nice so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement? But I would never introduce him to someone I was “taking it slow with”.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:38

PollyBell · 13/06/2026 11:32

You dont own your child they are not a possession they have 2 parents

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What does protecting my child’s safety have to do with owning him? What an odd statement.
I can’t believe there are parents that wouldn’t protect their 7 year old child’s safety at all costs!

OP posts:
ClaudiaWankleman · 13/06/2026 11:38

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:30

Of course I’ll protect my child’s safety at any cost. Are you saying you wouldn’t?

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But to apply it to this situation:

There's no real evidence of there being a safety concern, but you want to try and restrict your ex's right to parent as he sees fit.

In my mind there is an imbalance in that.

It's not like your DC has even suffered yet from missing an ex girlfriend or being sad about something in the relationship. It's all just potential.

MrsCompayson · 13/06/2026 11:37

SnappyUmberLion · 13/06/2026 11:19

You’re saying her child’s safety is the important thing in the world, and must be protected at any cost? What dramatic nonsense.

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Can I ask how old are your kids?

To me yes and amazingly to most parents I imagine their child's safety is the most important thing???!!

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:36

SnappyUmberLion · 13/06/2026 11:34

Not if they committed a crime, and it meant lying to protect them from being sent to prison. And we know you take a very dim view of lying.

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Well of course not, but he’s 7. He’s obviously the child in this situation and I don’t expect him to commit any crimes anytime soon.

OP posts:
SnappyUmberLion · 13/06/2026 11:34

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:30

Of course I’ll protect my child’s safety at any cost. Are you saying you wouldn’t?

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Not if they committed a crime, and it meant lying to protect them from being sent to prison. And we know you take a very dim view of lying.

PollyBell · 13/06/2026 11:32

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:30

Of course I’ll protect my child’s safety at any cost. Are you saying you wouldn’t?

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You dont own your child they are not a possession they have 2 parents

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:30

SnappyUmberLion · 13/06/2026 11:19

You’re saying her child’s safety is the important thing in the world, and must be protected at any cost? What dramatic nonsense.

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Of course I’ll protect my child’s safety at any cost. Are you saying you wouldn’t?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:29

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/06/2026 11:25

It is you that introduced the idea of them dating to your son.

Did I? When did I say that exactly?

OP posts:
OneThreadOnlybyN · 13/06/2026 11:26

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 10:25

Ok he can introduce him to whoever he likes… murderers, predators, drug users and it would be none of my business because he’s not with me at that time? You can’t be serious?

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You're being ridiculous now. If you thought your son was in danger you could do something about it, but he's nott, she's a girlfriend not a murderer.

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/06/2026 11:25

It is you that introduced the idea of them dating to your son.

ClaudiaWankleman · 13/06/2026 11:24

dinoderry · 13/06/2026 11:19

She didn’t ask if she could stop him. She asked if she was BU to think it was abnormal and concerning.

It’s obviously concerning. Judging by some of the comments on this thread, it isn’t particularly abnormal.

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You have to have very poor critical thinking skills to not see the inference in a question 'is this abnormal and concerning' is 'and that he should not do it'.

OP's follow on posts very clearly indicate she wants to make her ex not introduce girlfriends in the same way.

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:24

Mapleunicorn · 13/06/2026 11:01

I haven’t read the full thread but I always find some of the responses saying “it’s none of your business” really odd

It impacts your child so it is your business. No you can’t stop him or control him. If he chooses to make unwise decisions that potentially have a negative impact on your DS then unfortunately there isn’t much you can do about it. But a good co-parenting relationship works on you both having your child’s best interests in mind (even if the idea of what differs) and communicating on them. I would absolutely expect him to tell you the situation and his plans. You can’t change them if you disagree, but he should tell you

You need to be briefed so you can be available for your DS if he wants to talk about it or has reactions, positive or negative

This kind of stuff is hard OP, I get why you are annoyed. I wouldn’t want a carousel of women parading through my child’s life either

Thank you 🙏 I’m really shocked by some of these replies. How can some women turn a blind eye to the care of their child just because they’re not physically with them at the time. Like the moment my son leaves me I’m meant to not give a damn? That’s insane to me!

Yes it would have been nice to have been told. I’m surprised he didn't tell me the truth but I think he probably knows it’s too early for them to have met.

Fully agree I can’t control or stop him and I don’t intend to, it’s already happened. I have raised my concerns with him and he’s changing his story about who this girl is. I don’t like the lies, that makes me uncomfortable.

OP posts:
OneThreadOnlybyN · 13/06/2026 11:23

dinoderry · 13/06/2026 10:22

No right to any information?! Where’s the safeguarding here?

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safeguarding? Who do you get permission from before introducing your children to people?

itsgettingweird · 13/06/2026 11:21

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 09:40

So it’s ok for him to lie about situations involving my son? Personally I don’t think it’s ok to lie in any situation, especially when it involves my son.

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Well maybe butt out of asking your EX personal questions about his life he has no duty to answer and he wouldn’t feel the need to “lie” because he doesn’t want to answer.

Yes, your son’s life is your business. His dad’s life isn’t. Nor is it your business what his dad does as the equal partner when he’s being the main parent.

SnappyUmberLion · 13/06/2026 11:19

MrsCompayson · 13/06/2026 11:12

Hi Op,

I think its clear to see here, certain people have certain motivations. Your motivation is protecting your son. That can never be wrong, jealousy, overstepping, interfering are irrelevant when this is about his safety and wellbeing.

Good luck x

Edited
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You’re saying her child’s safety is the important thing in the world, and must be protected at any cost? What dramatic nonsense.

saraclara · 13/06/2026 11:19

I'm confused, or maybe I've missed something. What was it about the Instagram post that indicated that this relationship is now seen as long term and serious?

PrueRamsay · 13/06/2026 11:19

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 10:41

Of course not, but I do expect him to have known them for longer than 2 weeks.

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You don’t get to dictate what he does though. You can fester and froth about this all you like, you will achieve nothing.

dinoderry · 13/06/2026 11:19

ClaudiaWankleman · 13/06/2026 11:11

Then you shouldn't have had a child with him.

But since you did, you have to accept he has parental responsibility when he is looking after the child and that includes whether he decides to allow a girlfriend over at the same time as he has his child over.

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She didn’t ask if she could stop him. She asked if she was BU to think it was abnormal and concerning.

It’s obviously concerning. Judging by some of the comments on this thread, it isn’t particularly abnormal.

PollyBell · 13/06/2026 11:17

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:09

I don’t entirely trust him no. I trust he wouldn’t intentionally harm him, but I don’t trust his judgement on things like this and leaving him alone etc.

I wouldn’t question any true friend. But this isn’t a friend.

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So why have a child with him?

KrazyKatty · 13/06/2026 11:17

Ignore the arseholes on the thread. It’s Saturday and they’re lonely and frustrated.

I’d be annoyed too in your shoes. Presumably, he’s interviewing new women as surrogate mums to save him the effort of parenting alone, so that’s why he’s introducing them so early. It’s what the majority of newly single dads seem to do. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MrsCompayson · 13/06/2026 11:12

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:07

I don’t, and I didn’t say I did know?

The point was that the person who said that comment doesn’t know they weren’t.

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Hi Op,

I think its clear to see here, certain people have certain motivations. Your motivation is protecting your son. That can never be wrong, jealousy, overstepping, interfering are irrelevant when this is about his safety and wellbeing.

Good luck x

ClaudiaWankleman · 13/06/2026 11:11

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:09

I don’t entirely trust him no. I trust he wouldn’t intentionally harm him, but I don’t trust his judgement on things like this and leaving him alone etc.

I wouldn’t question any true friend. But this isn’t a friend.

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Then you shouldn't have had a child with him.

But since you did, you have to accept he has parental responsibility when he is looking after the child and that includes whether he decides to allow a girlfriend over at the same time as he has his child over.

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:11

ClaudiaWankleman · 13/06/2026 11:09

So if you don't know, what was the point of your comment?

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I said the point of my comment in my reply to you.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:09

hypnovic · 13/06/2026 11:04

Do you trust him to keep your child safe fed ect? If yes he can have as many friends as he likes. Children can learn people come into our lives and leave. If he is moving women in and out on a whim its not ok but if it was a male friend would you be bothered?

I don’t entirely trust him no. I trust he wouldn’t intentionally harm him, but I don’t trust his judgement on things like this and leaving him alone etc.

I wouldn’t question any true friend. But this isn’t a friend.

OP posts:
PollyBell · 13/06/2026 11:09

ClaudiaWankleman · 13/06/2026 11:02

Where's the relevance to Sarah's law?

The father of OP's child didn't leave the child alone with a stranger, did he? He just allowed the two to interact under his supervision. That's normal, perfectly responsible parental behaviour.

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Yes he didnt move her in he introduced them what is the issue and what does Sarah's law have to do with it?

Women do this all the time with new men

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