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Original poster

Ex partner introduced our son to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”

260 replies

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 09:16

Ex partner introduced our son (7) to a “friend he’s taking things slow with”.
AIBU to think this is abnormal and concerning? Honestly I’m so angry and he’s completely betrayed my trust. I asked him out right who this girl was 2 weeks ago after my son mentioned her and whether it was someone he was dating and he said no it’s a friend, a few days later he’s posting her on Instagram and evidently she’s not just a friend.
I don’t think he’s known her long, they spent the last 2 Saturdays together, with my son. In my eyes that is not taking it slow and he shouldn’t be introducing him to people he’s know 5 mins! He’s done this once before and it ended within a month and my son is still upset he doesn’t get to see her dogs… 2 years later! Now he’s excited about this ones cats! My mum introduced me to lots of men which really wasn’t nice so I don’t know if this is clouding my judgement? But I would never introduce him to someone I was “taking it slow with”.

OP posts:
BudgetBuster · 13/06/2026 12:26

I find it very interesting that the OP has refused to answer anyone who queries how many / ages of her other kids. This might give an insight into her own love life.

BillieWiper · 13/06/2026 12:25

But you can't control him having a girlfriend or his gf meeting your kid on his days.

Same as he couldn't try and put a spanner in the works of any new relationship you have. Those things are no longer eachother's business.

It sounds like you've been apart for several years now. I think you need to just accept that he will have girlfriends and you can't stop him.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/06/2026 12:24

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 09:44

It’s definitely not a friend. It’s gone from being a friend he’s taking things slow with, to something that’s going to last long term in the space of half an hour… which would obviously be less concerning if it were true.

If the shoe was on the other foot and I introduced him to every guy I dated I would fully expect his dad to be concerned.

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That's a bit different, surely - a woman is unlikely to be a risk to a child in the way a series of random men might be.

wifty · 13/06/2026 12:22

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 12:16

Thank you. I am going to bow out now because I’m flogging a dead horse.

Some people are clearly stuck in their views and can’t see how damaging they could be. God forbid something happened to my child because I turned a blind eye, I would never forgive myself. I would be really interested to see what the outcome would have been if it was the other way round and I introduced my son to a man I’d known 2 weeks, and had sleeping at my one bed flat after 4 weeks.

I really don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your ex to let you know they’re introducing a new partner, and tbh I thought that’s the relationship we had. The fact he hasn’t told me tells me that he knows it’s too early and/or he isn’t serious about her.

In an ideal world I would love it if we and any future partners could all get along. I thought that was a normal, mature co-parenting relationship, and ultimately in the best interests of any children stuck in the middle. We’re not at loggerheads like we seem to be expected to be.

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what i don’t understand: if he only sees him 7 out of 28 days and it’s a new relationship, why can’t he see her on any of the other 21 days? and why is everyone on this thread being so weird LOL

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/06/2026 12:21

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 09:40

So it’s ok for him to lie about situations involving my son? Personally I don’t think it’s ok to lie in any situation, especially when it involves my son.

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His son too

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 13/06/2026 12:20

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 09:36

Because he lied to my face about the situation.

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I would too in his situation given your views on the matter

Weekmindedfool · 13/06/2026 12:20

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 12:16

Thank you. I am going to bow out now because I’m flogging a dead horse.

Some people are clearly stuck in their views and can’t see how damaging they could be. God forbid something happened to my child because I turned a blind eye, I would never forgive myself. I would be really interested to see what the outcome would have been if it was the other way round and I introduced my son to a man I’d known 2 weeks, and had sleeping at my one bed flat after 4 weeks.

I really don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your ex to let you know they’re introducing a new partner, and tbh I thought that’s the relationship we had. The fact he hasn’t told me tells me that he knows it’s too early and/or he isn’t serious about her.

In an ideal world I would love it if we and any future partners could all get along. I thought that was a normal, mature co-parenting relationship, and ultimately in the best interests of any children stuck in the middle. We’re not at loggerheads like we seem to be expected to be.

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You seem very intense and controlling OP.

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 12:16

Mapleunicorn · 13/06/2026 12:01

This entire thread is insane!

Apparently:

  1. It’s weird to follow your ex on insta. You clearly haven’t moved on. (We don’t all have a visceral hatred for our ex?)
  2. Considering the safety of your SEVEN YEAR OLD child as being the most important thing is over dramatic (what?)
  3. You are unreasonable to be concerned about things that haven’t happened yet. You should wait until they do and it’s too late to do anything about it,and THEN be concerned (again, what?)

Honestly, I would bow out at this point OP

Edited
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Thank you. I am going to bow out now because I’m flogging a dead horse.

Some people are clearly stuck in their views and can’t see how damaging they could be. God forbid something happened to my child because I turned a blind eye, I would never forgive myself. I would be really interested to see what the outcome would have been if it was the other way round and I introduced my son to a man I’d known 2 weeks, and had sleeping at my one bed flat after 4 weeks.

I really don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your ex to let you know they’re introducing a new partner, and tbh I thought that’s the relationship we had. The fact he hasn’t told me tells me that he knows it’s too early and/or he isn’t serious about her.

In an ideal world I would love it if we and any future partners could all get along. I thought that was a normal, mature co-parenting relationship, and ultimately in the best interests of any children stuck in the middle. We’re not at loggerheads like we seem to be expected to be.

OP posts:
OneThreadOnlybyN · 13/06/2026 12:11

He's 7 sleeping in a sofa occasionally won't hurt him. You don't even know if she's slept there.

Vanillaicelatte · 13/06/2026 12:08

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 09:40

So it’s ok for him to lie about situations involving my son? Personally I don’t think it’s ok to lie in any situation, especially when it involves my son.

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If he had told u the truth judging by what your posting here you still would have reacted the same

he’s your ex
he can do whatever he likes when he has his son

just like you can if you want to

harriethoyle · 13/06/2026 12:06

If your reaction IRL was a tenth of your reaction on here, I’m not surprised he lied to you. Such drama over nothing!

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 12:05

dinoderry · 13/06/2026 11:51

I was responding to this part of the comment: “He gets to decide on his time and you have no say and no right to any information- it’s none of your business”.

I said “where’s the safeguarding here?” because the comment is plainly ridiculous. Of course it’s her business. It’s her child.

I wouldn’t let my child stay anywhere unless I knew where they were staying and who they would be staying with. That is basic safeguarding. I’m not saying I have to know that individual personally, but I would at least need to know their name, their relationship to my child and if there are any relevant factors i.e previous children removed by social services, known criminal record etc.

Several of my family members work in child protection, and I have dabbled on the legal side. Having information about your child is plainly important.

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Thank you. These replies are making me feel completely abnormal for wanting to protect my son. I wish I’d never asked the question.

I thought it was a well known that it was in the best interests of children to not introduce new partners after 2 weeks, and until in a serious and committed relationship. How is that in any way beneficial to my son and where is the harm in waiting until you know that person better. And why does no one seem concerned that my son is either sleeping on a sofa or sharing a bed with this woman.

OP posts:
OneThreadOnlybyN · 13/06/2026 12:03

she doesn't have any right to check out people before her son meets them on his time. He doesn't have any right to check out people she introduces her son to on her time.

they both have independent parental responsibility.

she knows who he's staying with - his Dad & she knows where he's staying - at his Dads. But she can't stop his Dad taking him somewhere else if he wants to (not that he has)

your relatives jobs and your dabbling are irrelevant at best

EDIT: it dropped the quote. It was in reply to @dinoderry

Mapleunicorn · 13/06/2026 12:01

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:24

Thank you 🙏 I’m really shocked by some of these replies. How can some women turn a blind eye to the care of their child just because they’re not physically with them at the time. Like the moment my son leaves me I’m meant to not give a damn? That’s insane to me!

Yes it would have been nice to have been told. I’m surprised he didn't tell me the truth but I think he probably knows it’s too early for them to have met.

Fully agree I can’t control or stop him and I don’t intend to, it’s already happened. I have raised my concerns with him and he’s changing his story about who this girl is. I don’t like the lies, that makes me uncomfortable.

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This entire thread is insane!

Apparently:

  1. It’s weird to follow your ex on insta. You clearly haven’t moved on. (We don’t all have a visceral hatred for our ex?)
  2. Considering the safety of your SEVEN YEAR OLD child as being the most important thing is over dramatic (what?)
  3. You are unreasonable to be concerned about things that haven’t happened yet. You should wait until they do and it’s too late to do anything about it,and THEN be concerned (again, what?)

Honestly, I would bow out at this point OP

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 12:00

vanessashanessa99 · 13/06/2026 11:56

Maybe he lied to your face about it because

  1. Of how you'd react
  2. He think it's really not your business.

His dad has obviously moved on and is comfortable that she is a decent person to be around him. Unless she starts causing issues for your son or his dad starts reducing the time he sees him bc of her there is nothing else you can do.

He’d known her 2 weeks, how can you possibly know a person well enough in that time to know she’s a “decent” person. In those two weeks, given he has our son on weekends, works during the week and has to sleep he can’t have spent much time with her.

I know there’s nothing I can do, that wasn’t the question.

OP posts:
FeelingSadToday1 · 13/06/2026 11:59

It is annoying OP but there is nothing you can do. My sons dad is the same. Third woman in so many months and son (nearly 8) just rolls his eyes and says dad has another new “friend”

vanessashanessa99 · 13/06/2026 11:56

Maybe he lied to your face about it because

  1. Of how you'd react
  2. He think it's really not your business.

His dad has obviously moved on and is comfortable that she is a decent person to be around him. Unless she starts causing issues for your son or his dad starts reducing the time he sees him bc of her there is nothing else you can do.

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:54

PollyBell · 13/06/2026 11:42

So how do you in your own life guarantee you do this 100% of the time, you posting style to me comes across as really odd and dramatic

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Obviously no one can guarantee their child’s safety 100% of the time. To me, ensuring my child’s safety at all costs means 100% of the time where I can reasonably, and have the ability, to do so. For me, it means putting his safety before my own. It means keeping him from harmful situations where it is reasonable to do so. It does not mean keeping him from his father and locking him in the house, away from all people or situations that could harm him in the very literal sense of keeping him 100% safe, because let’s face it, that’s very extreme and not at all reasonable or in the best interests of my son. You can never reasonably ensure 100% safety, and that isn’t what protecting his safety at all costs means to me.

OP posts:
dinoderry · 13/06/2026 11:51

OneThreadOnlybyN · 13/06/2026 11:23

safeguarding? Who do you get permission from before introducing your children to people?

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I was responding to this part of the comment: “He gets to decide on his time and you have no say and no right to any information- it’s none of your business”.

I said “where’s the safeguarding here?” because the comment is plainly ridiculous. Of course it’s her business. It’s her child.

I wouldn’t let my child stay anywhere unless I knew where they were staying and who they would be staying with. That is basic safeguarding. I’m not saying I have to know that individual personally, but I would at least need to know their name, their relationship to my child and if there are any relevant factors i.e previous children removed by social services, known criminal record etc.

Several of my family members work in child protection, and I have dabbled on the legal side. Having information about your child is plainly important.

TheJuicyLucy · 13/06/2026 11:46

Back off. Your ex partner does not owe you complete transparency about his personal life. He might make some decisions which you would have made differently. That is the reality of parenting after separation. Consider getting your son a pet if your circumstances allow it.

OneThreadOnlybyN · 13/06/2026 11:43

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 10:50

Of course I’m the jealous ex for raising concerns about my son.. how predictable.

I can assure you I wouldn’t go back there in a million years, spending a few hours with him on the odd occasion is more than enough. I do not want a man child, that can’t pay his way (would rather gamble his money than pay bills or spending it on our son), recently borrowed money off his mum and has been ignoring her for 2 months because he’s not paid it back, sells our son the dream to let him down, doesn’t see his other child (blamed the mum, saw her for me, now he hasn’t seen her since we broke up), doesn’t pay anything towards his din (apart from £30 on two occasions in the 6 years we haven’t been together), when we were together he would get mad when I went to the gym or had male friends. I could go on and on but does that sound like a catch to you? Because it sure as hell doesn’t to me! So I can assure you everything I have done to maintain my friendship with him is for my sons sake, I don’t want him having the life I had… no father and many of my mums “friends” popping in and out.

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I don’t want him having the life I had… no father and many of my mums “friends” popping in and out

well you can achieve that by MYOB about your ex's live life & causing arguments when your sin us perfectly happy when he sees hus Dad. And not having men in & out yourself. I appreciate you don't, but you have every weekend to yourself.

PollyBell · 13/06/2026 11:42

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:38

What does protecting my child’s safety have to do with owning him? What an odd statement.
I can’t believe there are parents that wouldn’t protect their 7 year old child’s safety at all costs!

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So how do you in your own life guarantee you do this 100% of the time, you posting style to me comes across as really odd and dramatic

Original poster
Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:42

ClaudiaWankleman · 13/06/2026 11:38

But to apply it to this situation:

There's no real evidence of there being a safety concern, but you want to try and restrict your ex's right to parent as he sees fit.

In my mind there is an imbalance in that.

It's not like your DC has even suffered yet from missing an ex girlfriend or being sad about something in the relationship. It's all just potential.

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I don’t agree with how he has handled it and I have expressed that to him but at no point have I tried to restrict him from doing anything. It’s already done now, there’s nothing to restrict. I do hope he will be more mindful in future though and not introduce our son to someone he has known 2 weeks.

He hasn’t suffered yet with this one, but he did with the last.

OP posts:
SnappyUmberLion · 13/06/2026 11:40

MrsCompayson · 13/06/2026 11:37

Can I ask how old are your kids?

To me yes and amazingly to most parents I imagine their child's safety is the most important thing???!!

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21 and 24. Yes, their safety is paramount. But not at any cost.

SnappyUmberLion · 13/06/2026 11:39

Pinkie89 · 13/06/2026 11:36

Well of course not, but he’s 7. He’s obviously the child in this situation and I don’t expect him to commit any crimes anytime soon.

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Ultimately, the best way to keep your child safe is to prevent his father from ever having any stranger in his house or, better still, having him live with you permanently. So, if you want to protect your child at any cost, presumably you'll do this?

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