To think long term affairs are like a form of fraud really

I do think it's awful. Same as any deliberate kind of romantic behaviour, like dating someone just for money, ghosting people, abandoning your partner when they need you, always thinking the grass is greener-all these things hurt more than someone stealing from you (which IS illegal). But unless we make adultery a crime, don't know what else we can do really? Social stigma used to proscribe certain behaviours, but would we want to be like that?

I agree that it is a slippery slope. What about 'till death us do part'. If we are able to sue for someone cheating, what about someone not cheating but deciding to leave. That is not what the other party signed up for, they commited for life so should they get compesation? What about marrying someone and the honeymoon period ends, and personalities change. Can you sue if the person becomes different to the partner you married? Or if the partner isn't as supportive as you would like them to be in sickness?

Do tell, what human has had no social conditioning and can give a purely logical response to anything?

I think it's better to have logical reactions than conditioned ones, absolutely.

Are you saying we should all ignore socialisation? All social rules and laws exist because of socialisation.

Experiencing something as painful 'only because we are socialised to feel that way' does nothing to diminish the disrespect and humiliation and the management of physical (health) practical, financial and ongoing issues.

Everything is socialisation. It's the way humans live. If you want to live outside of that, that is fine, but don't engage those in your ways without informing them first.

I have never in any post ever said I want adultery to be a crime, so why are suggesting I want to move to a country that prosecutes it as such?

I recognise you are unable to understand written English and respond appropriately. Also fully lacking in empathy and unable to recognise nuance.

I'm not sure why my posts above were deleted. I don't think anyone should be punished for relationships in any way - we can only make decisions for ourselves and see what happens. I might have been cheated on and not know. I don't think it's that important.

Yes. Quick to say they haven't been cheated on, very keen to minimise cheating and the effects...leaves a logical conclusion.

Accountability and consequences are scary.

I’d ignore this weirdo. Tangent king and completely missing the point of the thread.

Who said anything about murder?

Are you ok?

That is not the subject of this thread.

Or the other party works away all the time or stops having any energy for you or stops hugging or kissing or becomes mean and selfish (perhaps because they're suffering because this life is hard).

It is shit when shit stuff happens but it's not as simple as saying send him to jail. And many women have extra marital relationships too.

What if it is a sexless marriage?

I think it's more complicated than that.

We're discussing human beings. I don't think monogamy is intrinsic to our species. Aside from anything else it's very common for asymmetrical disinterest in sex to arise.

It's not murder. The resolution is to not see the person any more (if that's what you want).

It’s perceived in a particular way because both parties have agreed to a monogamous relationship and one of them has deceived the other.

Stop talking irrelevant crap.

We are not discussing non monogamous relationships.

We are discussing monogamous relationships where one partner has been betrayed by the other. Betrayed because they believed and agreed they were in a monogamous relationship.

If you want to discuss non monogamous relationships then start another thread.

I do sort of think it's one of those things that is painful because of socialised choice to perceive it in a particular way. It would be pretty bloody awful to live in a country where adultery is a crime (they do exist, you could move to one I expect).

Why do you think I have not moved on - I'm just sharing an experience relevant to the topic. I continue to live a good life but the pain is still there and has effected my life. I don't view this as a weakness, just a rational, human response and accurate assessment of cause and effect.

I also never said there should be penalties, just that he didn't have any - again, relevant to the topic that long term affairs are equivalent to fraud but are not penalised.

In my case I expressly said in my post that I entered a marriage, consented to sex and conceived a child under fraudulent circumstances. I would never have consented to any of those things had I been in full possession of the facts. I think those circumstances deserve more consideration than a 'just move on' and glib comments about how monogamy isn't for everyone. Monogamy isn't for everyone but those who enter in social or legal contracts of monogamy and then break them are the one's whose behaviour needs to be looked at, not those who were decieved.

It's fraud, it's deception, it's behaviour that causes more upset that many crimes that do have legislation. I think it's an interesting topic from the OP to open discussion. I don't have exact ideas on charges and punishments - maybe contract law, financial compensation, some kind of record for potential future spouses, mandatory rehabilitation - I don't know.

Quite odd to just shrug and dismiss it without thinking a little bit deeper especially when you have no experience of it and are rather dismissive and patronising to the posters here who have taken the time to share complex, nuanced experiences.

I absolutely bet many have

@urbanjungle thats awful but saying that I have a fiat few female friends who married for money & status & not love. They would never say that to their DHs though & haven’t cheated as far as I’m aware.