AIBU to think my in-laws are rude about seeing DS alone?

What has your husband said and done about all this? What an absolute bell end fil is 🤯

@rubyslippers I had similar with my in laws. You have a choice, make a fuss, stress yourself out, lay down lines - or you can ignore, just let DH get on with it. The easy option was letting DH deal with it. My DC worked out what the situation was, and were able to express some interesting views on how to deal with situations. They also made decisions about what kind of people they wanted to be.

All this was minimum stress for me, in fact I got a few nice relaxing weekends on my own.

But that’s the point- it’s not a misunderstanding that’s been handled badly. That suggests it’s people with good intentions who have just expressed themselves badly, or made a mis-step. Calling it a case of being “handled badly” is minimising an obvious and deliberate cruel attack on the OP. The in-laws have said they want no relationship with her and called her a “silly little girl”. That’s far more than “handling it badly.”

Can you not read ?

I would be telling dh fe gas to sort this by telling his father that the reason you are not staying with them is because if his rude behaviour in the past and that he dictating when he sees your son stops now

he also needs to state that if course you will be coming and will be invited in and his parents will behave or they simply won’t see the grandchikd

just a question though if they want to see the grandchild in their own I assume your dh will also have to leave?

I think MIL started this sort of snide undermining in my early days with DH.

Appearance isn't important (bat back, research shows minds are made up in the first seconds of meeting)

You're very practical, not academic like my girls (I am, that's why I can cook and clean and funnily enough I've never been skint).

Blah, blah, blah.

I had her measure early on and the DC never stayed at her house and I served it straight back.

She's a lonely old lady now because everyone has her measure.

Hold firm and tell him, you'll bring DS over when it suits all parties and he doesn't like leaving his mum.

I’m of the opinion that your child has no business being around people who don’t like you, no matter the relation.

Sorry, but they’d never see my child again if they behaved like that towards me. i would not want those attitudes being desplayed around my child. And as for DH if he didn’t support that - and also told his parents why their behaviour is unacceptable - I’d be questioning my marriage too.

As grandparents, they have absolutely NO right of access or to a relationship with your child. They should be buttering you up to ensure that you are willing to facilitate any relationship. I thank god for my wonderful PiLs every day, but especially when I read these sorts of posts. (Also v grateful that my own parents were not part of my kids lives!)

Read your DH the riot act. However, I wouldn’t be sharing a single bed at your parents with a 9yo child, especially an opposite sex one. That’s really not appropriate now. You’ll need to come up with another plan, or take an inflatable mattress.

As others have said, why has your pathetic husband allowed his parents to treat you like this?

They don’t get to dote on a child by disrespecting or ignoring the mum
it’s so unbelievably rude of them and giving in it to it gives them more power

Ah I have a very similar situation with my in-laws. Minus the distance. They want access to my kids because they're THEIR grandchildren, but want nothing to do with me because I'm weird, ignorant, horrible and a shit mum and a million other things. I've never said a bad word to them and always make an effort to be polite but I don't lick their arses and I'm autistic so I'm not their cup of tea. They have been incredibly rude and nasty to me, incredibly.

It's a very simple boundary. They're my children. No one is welcome around my children that doesn't want a relationship with me. End of conversation. DH can see them on his own but he can't take my children to them. If they want that to change they need to apologise for their behaviour and learn some manners.

Absolutely appallingly rude people.
Where is your husband in this?
Allowing them to be so nasty and rude?
He must be a loser and a waster.

In your place I would send the loser husband to them.
I wouldn't see them at all.
They would see their grandson for a couple of hours on one day.

I would block them and not see them again.

Awful people.
I wouldn't remain married to anyone who would accept my being treated like that.

I also have a rude, opinionated, misogynistic fil so I feel your pain. But my DH dealt with it years ago. He is none of those things (he's nothing like his parents at all thank goodness) and he wouldn't stand for it.
Your DH needs to have your back and do what is best for you and your DC. His parents need to know that they can't boss you about and issue demands.
We stepped back from pil when they behaved like this. Not nc, just kept our distance and DH made sure they knew why. He made it clear to them where his loyalties were and that their behaviour was unacceptable. And that they would be seeing our dc in the future on our terms not theirs.

What has DH said in response? He should have your back, youre a unit.

What?

You know its not normal. Trust your gut. Dont be a doormat to them, tell them to fuck off.

This.

You have a DH problem. He should not be allowing his parents to speak to you like this nor allowing them to call the shots on seeing your DS.

I wouldn't ever want to see them again

Did I say it was Op who has handled it badly?

Hence why I put it had been handled badly!

When my FIL finally overstepped in a massive way, it had been building with subtle undermining but then became an obvious in my face situation where he belittled me as a silly girl (I was 32) I walked out of their house with toddler Ds and Dh was right behind me.

He basically told his Dad that no one speaks to his wife like that and he would choose me every single time. MIL who was lovely was devastated that his actions had brought this about, we would never have stopped MIL seeing Ds.

Quite frankly considering the attitude of your FIL it would be a cold day in hell before he saw my child again. How can your Dh stand by whilst his Dad treats you like that and expects you to allow your child to spend time with a grandparent who openly despises his Mother? I will tell you as a child who was put in this situation and had a grandparent mouth off about my parent I wish the parent who took me to see them had a spine.

Really hurtful and rude leave dh to deal with them .

Any response from your husband that isn't "You've driven Seriously away with your constant rudeness, and the consequence is that you'll see your grandson less. It's up to you whether you want to fix it" isn't good enough.

PIL are being very rude. However, is there not a little bit of you that would like not seeing them? Send DS off with DH and have a nice afternoon with your parents or relax a bit. It might make it easier if you are not around and you get to not see them.

Im assuming DH is a competent father and PIL dote on your child.

Oh come on. If they want to spend more time with the DGC who isn’t staying with them, there are better ways of doing it than calling the mum names, excluding her and “demanding delivery” of the child. It’s pure power play.