AIBU to think my in-laws are rude about seeing DS alone?

Oh my goodness- you are a highly educated and super-intelligent lady who is being literally abused verbally by this domineering, nasty controlling man . I guess that your dh is terrified of his father and mother desperate for their approval .
Clearly he turns into a quivering jelly around them.
I understand there is a culture difference as I have had ‘misunderstandings’ with my in-laws in a different country over the years and my dh, who is a very strong, confident and supportive person, disappears into his shell which stunned me at first ..
Eventually he stood up to my m-i-l and threatened to never bring the dcs again if her hostile and frankly mean behaviour toward them didn’t change . Two of them are ND - older now are no real desire to visit . Sad .
They are adding no value to your life.
Your priority is yours and your little son’s comfort and wellbeing.
And your own self-care.
Not pandering to ill-behaved and entitied individuals who have zero manners and have, sorry to say “ pissed on their chips “
xxxx❤️

Yes, @SeriouslyIsThisBonkers, absolutely stop contacting your PIL directly. I can promise you they enjoy ignoring your messages and getting your husband to relay theirs as part of their disrespect towards you. So ignore them too. Only go through your husband.

Sleeping in a single bed with your nine year-old DS for a week or more and your DH staying on the other side of the city is really not great.
If money is the problem, I would visit less often so you can afford an airbnb or similar when you do visit.
It will be easier to manage everything else if you are all together in your own space.

You and your DH seem very passive. This is outrageous behaviour. They have absolutely no right to see your kids. You are the parents of your children and it is your job to manage who they are exposed to. I would be telling the in laws their behaviour towards you is unacceptable and as a result they won’t be seeing your children.

This. I wouldn't want my kid any where near people like this. You have to ask yourself the basic reason why they want to be alone with him. I would imagine it's to fill his head with the shit they have in theirs and that is my 'kindest' thought @SeriouslyIsThisBonkers

Drop the rope. Don't answer emails or communications from them. They are disgusting people.

Wow, I'd be telling them to fuck off and behave themselves.

No issue with children having time alone with grandparents. I did it as a child and went on holidays with my grandma. But my grandma didn't treat either of my parents like shit. You have to earn privileges that you don't have any entitlement to, and the way they're acting is not how you do that.

I hope your husband is supporting you.

You don’t have to take this. I get you think your husband has the upper hand here, but he’s also dependent on you to homeschool your son, and relying on your meekness for his convenience. So you have some power here to make demands, and that should be that the disrespect stops now. OP you may benefit from some therapy or coaching on how to stand up for yourself.

As for this trip, I would not acquiesce to their demands. Tell your husband you will work around your schedule and let him deal
with his parents. For the long term, as I said, some support to help you may be in need.

Does dh's job depend on his father? Just confused as you said he was busy trying to keep his job! Obviously fil's behaviour is outrageous but maybe it'd be nice for you to have some time with your family whilst dh has ds and dh returns him to you.

Wow I hope your DH isn’t as misogynistic as his father - your DH needs to step up and knock this on the head.

Jesus. I wouldn’t want anything to do with them after that. And I’d have expected my husband to speak up if his parents spoke to me like that.

They can get in the sea! I wouldn't let my child anywhere near them without myself. Unbelievably rude of them. I am annoyed on your behalf.

If people don’t want a relationship with you then they don’t get one with your son. End of. They need to respect the parents first and foremost before being trusted to develop a relationship with the child. You can bet if their attitude suddenly changes now it’s only because they want access to your child and will most likely be superficial

Honestly I think just put your foot down and say no. It's your child - you say who he spends time with. Never them. Grandparents' access is always conditional upon the parent liking them. Harsh but true. Get your DH to back you up.

Well that would be the last time I made any effort for them at all. Let dh sort it out and enjoy a lovely relaxing break with your parents and ds.

If you gave him an ultimatum, you or his dad, he would choose his dad?

I think I would just say to the ILs that you have decided to stay with your parents as they are not rude to you; and if ILs want to see GS to just pop over there.

Just don't have any truck with this stuff - take control! Why would you put up with it? You don't have to.

The choice you have is to take back control. If you DH is unable to do it then just say no.

No, DS won’t be delivered as per their schedule.
No, DS will not be left alone with them (unless it works for you of course).
No, you won’t be entering into an argument about it either by text or email.

Your DH remains the passenger, leave him to deal with them.

Are these people mad?
And is DH saying about all this? Your FIL is calling you a little girl. Is DH defending you?

Please stop being polite to their rudeness. I know it can be uncomfortable, but you need to match their energy. As you can see, you get called rude regardless.

But really I am blaming your DH because there’s no way they would be speaking to you like this if he wasn’t telling them off.

I would not leave my child with people like that without me to supervise!

So let him deal with it. If he’s going to be a wet weekend let him do it where you can’t see. It must be awful to have awful parents you don’t need it pointed out. Off you go DH and DS have a nice day I’ve got a book to read. Problem solved.
If you engage demand boundaries, want words said it’s just too much effort. Now if they lived near you or were in your life regularly then you need to fight, but they aren’t. Enjoy your parents in peace, he actually has way the worse hand.

I just wouldn't go. Let DH facilitate any visits.

Now they don't get to see him at all

Lose both your passports oops then do something nice instead

Nobody with such disrespect towards me would be seeing my ds..
Tell dh of he wants his dps to see his dc he needs to go find a new dw and have more dc... Imagine the poison they could drip to your dc about you. Unacceptable imo .