Class reshuffle - dd with no friends

I’m a twin, and we both used to find at school, separately and together, we’d be put with the naughty kids as a calming influence as we both kept our heads down, wanted to learn and got decentish marks. All it did was separate us from our friends and we never understood why but it kept happening. Just got on with it but it’s tough when all your friends bond in their classes and you can’t join in.

Our first overnight school trip in year 5 was a PGL place with lots of different outdoors activities. 28 of us went but they split us up into a group of 20 and 8 for the whole weekend!
And yes, of course we were both in the 8 with the kids who were naughty, hyperactive and annoying. Literally all our friends were in the bigger group and we did all the activities separately to them. We used to walk past them going to and from everything.

Later in year 9 I was in my registration group with 2 friends and the class was made up of the “popular” kids who were in a clique I didn’t fit in with, and the annoying kids who just didn’t care about school. You had all your classes with your registration group in that year.

However, yep, my two friends were the ONLY two who were sent off to join another class together for all lessons. So I was on my own in all classes for that whole year. I just got on with it but I hated it. I kept my head down, hardly spoke even in group work and they teased me for being snobby, thinking I was too good for them, they smirked when I did speak and I was just an outsider. I was just shy and not able to force my way into their cliques. I had nothing in common with any of them.

There was one other kid, a boy who had it worse than me. At least I could do the work, he struggled and just looked sad all the time. I tried to befriend him, thinking we could get through it together and he didn’t make the effort back, so I left him to it and eventually he vanished, must have moved schools.

BUT! Years later when Facebook arrived he messaged me and apologised! Said he was really shy too back then but did recognise and appreciate I tried to be his friend and said sorry for not returning the kindness! Turns out he was a Butlins Red Coat by that point! I was both amazed he remembered me and thrilled that he came through school okay.

What's the school roll like, are they over subscribed and popular or struggling for numbers? If it's he later, threaten to move with you feet and go elsewhere. It's not good enough that they've admitted they're wrong and offering no solution to put it right.

What was the point?

As it's a private school which you are presumably paying a lot of money for I would have assumed they would be more accomodating as like a few people have said you could vote with your feet and leave (and we have had a few private schools in my area close recently due to falling numbers and unsustainable costs).

However from a school perspective (state) the problem is once you let one parent move their child it sets it in motion for others to ask. I have worked in a class where one parent did as someone said and made a nuisance of themselves to have their child moved. The head gave in and it then became a free for all. Parents arguing that because they moved one child it then wasn't fair to not move another. In the end the classes ended up pretty much as before so the whole point of mixing them became redundant.

This happened me too. I was separated from my best friend for P6 and P7 and I was really upset. I remember her complaining in school and me later crying at home after we found out. She was eventually fine and made another friend in her new class, but I didn’t in mine. I spent a lot of time alone in my last couple of years in primary school, and I think it hurt my ability to keep friends when I went on to high school.
I can’t imagine how much worse it would have been to have been separated from a large group of friends, so I’m hoping the school can work something out.

One form entry schools can also be an issue though.
My kids went to a one form entry primary as it was our nearest one and it just so happened that for one of them the year group was particularly boy-heavy.
My DD didn't really gel with the few girls she had in her class and that had its own impact on her experience and enjoyment of the primary years. It would have been so much better had there been more than one class because they could have evened out the numbers of boys and girls.

The other DD had a couple of challenging children in her class who couldn't be split up - again, because there was only one class.

Well that’s a daft comment isn’t it? You’ll can’t tar all schools with the same brush.

OP, I can’t believe you are PAYING for this shit show. All the more reason for them to put it right.

Our primary school didn’t have any of this but I’d go as far as not applying for a school that did this I think. At that age, splitting a child up from its friends had a devastating impact on many!

Good luck finding a school that genuinely cares about their wellbeing.
School is a bit like prison.

Happened to my child mid-primary. She was devastated. Cried herself to sleep for the whole first term. It totally broke down any trust she had had that the teachers had her best interests at heart at all. We should have moved schools on reflection. She has no happy memories from primary school whatsoever. I think teachers really underestimate the effect of this. The head refused to budge. We complained to the local authority who did admit that the head had failed to follow procedures but refused to make the head move my child. Such a shit show. So damaging for mental health.

If you think your DD would be miserable could you threaten to vote with your feet (and cash). I can’t imagine forking out private school fees and for them to make a cock up like this and then say there is nothing they can do. Many schools are on there knees at the moment so they can’t afford to piss parents off!

sorry but that's utter rubbish. How much difference would swapping one child over make? Even if that meant one class had 25 and one 27 pupils is that such a huge issue?

If DD is going to be forcibly separated from her friends anyway, I'd consider moving her to another school that will actually care about her wellbeing.

I don’t know the answer. DS was changed last year and he’s been miserable for the year, he’s another year to go, he really misses his friends, things haven’t improved over the year. Dreading another year of this.

I’m assuming they want to keep an even number of girls in each class the same so it would mean moving another girl which is why the “can’t see a solution”.

I feel for you OP, my DS was split from his friends going into yr 3 and they wouldn’t budge and move him. He’s struggled massively for the last two years with friendships and rarely gets invited anywhere. It’s been awful but school just doesn’t seem to care and what makes it worse is I work at the school!
They are now mixing going into yr 5 and we’ll find out next week where they are. I’ve spoken to his teacher about my worries and his struggles and I am praying for a better mix so he can build some bonds again. I just want him to enjoy his last two years of primary and move up to secondary with at least a couple of friends.
Good luck fighting it, such a shame that quite often behaviour / need seems to over look friendships which then in turn can have a huge impact.

Does you DD attend a state or private school?

How sad for her. With 18 in each year I’m presuming there’s technically spaces in both classes (if this is mainstream). What would they do if a child was to join the school mid year? If you haven’t already I’d ask about that. I purposefully only put one form entry choices to avoid this scenario (as acutely aware it happens and have seen the impact), perhaps you could point out how this comes across to other parents when choosing schools and offer to leave a helpful online review… If they don’t care about how this impacts your DD I’d not care much about how sharing your experience influences how others see the school…

Just make a polite nuisance of yourself til they cave to get rid of you. Always worked for me.

I’d see if you can formally appeal. This is definitely not good enough. No way.

You keep fighting her corner, OP. Especially now they’ve admitted that they messed up. Threaten to go to the press!

I wouldn’t accept that. It’s their error, how can they not move her over and move someone else to the other class? How will they mitigate this in the future, this just seems to show they didn’t give it any due consideration if a group of 8 friends has been split into 7 in one class and 1 in the other!

Can you make a formal complaint to the governors. I wouldn't let this lie or agree to a reshuffle in a year. It needs to be sorted now.