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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was DP’s comment to waiter ‘encouraging’ or crass?

245 replies

Janeywestblue · 12/06/2026 22:01

We had a lovely meal at our local earlier. Our waiter was someone we hadn’t seen before and he told us he was on his first shift when he came over to take our drinks order. DP commented to him ‘I bet your arse is twitching like a rabbit’s nose’ to which he sort of awkwardly/politely laughed. I told DP off and he said the waiter would appreciate him breaking the ice and having a laugh with him.

I disagree and thought it was crass. AIBU?

OP posts:
BakedPotatoBeansCheeseColeslaw · 13/06/2026 08:04

I’m with everyone else - what does it even mean?

I hate it when people make “jokes” towards me unexpectedly. It always makes me feel very uncomfortable and I never know how to respond, particularly when it is strangers. You don’t say how old they were but they were probably young which makes it even worse.

Hedgehoggin · 13/06/2026 08:03

Gross and crass comment. He should have gone for ‘good luck with it mate, everyone has a first day’ or something!

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/06/2026 08:01

MinimumRage · 13/06/2026 08:00

Crass. Inappropriate. Slightly weird. If you haven’t picked this up already, red flag for your relationship.

Why is it a red flag? Where I live it's a common used phrase, well squeaky bum time is which it has evolved from.

MinimumRage · 13/06/2026 08:00

Crass. Inappropriate. Slightly weird. If you haven’t picked this up already, red flag for your relationship.

PrueRamsay · 13/06/2026 07:59

I have never heard that phrase before. It sounds crass and rude and I would be embarrassed.

Viviennemary · 13/06/2026 07:59

It was really gross and ignorant. I couldn't be with somebody who thought it was ok to speak like that.

Loub1987 · 13/06/2026 07:48

I learned a new expression anyway!

Yes, it was weird and embarrassing but unless you think he intended to be creepy or humiliate the waiter, I’d cut him some slack.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 13/06/2026 07:47

youalright · 13/06/2026 04:22

He's only saying you must be nervous as hell. I don't see the big deal 🤷‍♀️

If you didn't know the reference, it sounds crass and rude. Even if you did know the reference, it is still crass and rude to say to a stranger.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/06/2026 07:44

TheThirteenthFairy · 13/06/2026 07:32

But what does it mean? Why should bums squeak or twitch when you're nervous?

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Squeaky bum time comes from football and was first said by Alex Ferguson. It's meant to be in reference to tense times in a match like a penalty shootout and is in reference to the sound made by people nervously shifting their bums on the plastic seats. I think twitchy bum time has just developed from that.

TheThirteenthFairy · 13/06/2026 07:32

askso · 12/06/2026 22:44

Basically just similar to squeaky bum time. Like oh you’re going to be nervous as hell (because it’s the first shift he’s doing)

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But what does it mean? Why should bums squeak or twitch when you're nervous?

EnglishRain · 13/06/2026 07:25

I clicked the wrong option. YANBU, that’s grim.

Keepoffmyartichokes · 13/06/2026 07:24

youalright · 13/06/2026 04:22

He's only saying you must be nervous as hell. I don't see the big deal 🤷‍♀️

I agree, I can't believe the outrage it's caused. I was listening to a podcast the other day and they were talking about "squeaky bum time" . I don't understand anyone saying it's sexual, it's really not. I live in the north, and no I'm not working class or scum but it's a common phrase to describe a time when you would be nervous.

OriginalSkang · 13/06/2026 07:19

I would be really embarrassed at that

Evaka · 13/06/2026 07:10

Gross, weird and confusing. What a bellend.

WhatNextImScared · 13/06/2026 07:08

Ick.

disturbia · 13/06/2026 07:07

This must be a wind up but just in case it isn't your husband has no social skills at all. Is this the first time he has eaten in a restaurant?

SomeGarlic · 13/06/2026 06:43

5foot5 · 12/06/2026 22:29

Same. It doesn't make sense does it?

Do some people's arse twitch when they are nervous? I have never heard of that being a thing.

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Exactly. It's hardly a commonplace expression of anxiety, is it? Class has nothing to do with it, people's bottoms don't quiver when starting a new job whether they're an admiral or an able.

OP, does your boyfriend give a lot of thought to the delicate sensations of young men's backsides?

Shoxfordian · 13/06/2026 05:44

Does he often say things like this? It'd definitely give me the ick

ShetlandishMum · 13/06/2026 05:03

I would have been embaressed.

NiftyKoala · 13/06/2026 04:55

DappledThings · 12/06/2026 22:05

It was a completely weird and horrible thing to say.

Very. I would be so humiliated and definitely get the ick.

SatsumaDog · 13/06/2026 04:30

Blagabigbag · 12/06/2026 23:23

Are you for real? As a teen I worked as a waitress at silver service events. I cannot even begin to tell you the absolute filth that (very posh , very rich)men used to whisper to me as I waited their tables .

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I can quite imagine. I had a similar job in my early 20’s and the wealthier the clientele, the more predatory and filthy they were.

youalright · 13/06/2026 04:27

askso · 12/06/2026 22:59

I dont, I’m from the NE though and while it’s not something I hear all the time, i have heard it on occasions so not sure if it’s originally from here or what.

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Im from NE to and I've heard it before

youalright · 13/06/2026 04:22

He's only saying you must be nervous as hell. I don't see the big deal 🤷‍♀️

tara66 · 13/06/2026 04:14

What a gentleman.
''Manners maketh the man''.

MatriarchCaz · 13/06/2026 03:47

WTF does that even mean