School not taking note of creepy behaviour

Did you often write about 10 boys at a time? Some younger than you by 2/3 years? Do you think those kids should’ve been forced to be nice to you and made to keep talking to you after they read those things about themselves, no matter how uncomfortable it made them feel?

Can we also stop pretending that boys and girls are exactly the same?

Tbh, if he has included parts of the school's media files that are not in the public domain for his own personal use, that would be a GDPR breach as it wouldn't be the intended purpose. Can you talk to the school about it from this angle?

Sounds like diaries we had in the 80’s, before things could be immortalised on social media. I cringe when I think of things I wrote in my diary, and I’m sure a lot of teens back then wrote ‘creepy’ stuff. You’re over thinking and over reacting.

Fuck that game-playing. That's just reframing the usual 'keep your head down' shit as some kind of strategic plan.

It's not. It hasn't worked so far. Women and girls need to say stuff out loud, loudly. All of us, for ourselves and each other, if we're to have a hope in hell of a world where we're considered to be fully human.

My bedroom wall was full of topless NSync or Backstreet boys posters, also had pictures of the hot guys in the school, not sure how I got them but i was a teenager I wasn't creep! What the hell!

Always pays to be polite to your enemies: gives them one less weapon against you 😎

@fromthegecko

They should of course be polite.

Why?

WTF?

He may need intervention, but if women and girls are told to not name what they see before their own eyes that sends a fucking awful message.

Why? Why should he be protected by his victims, potential victims?

Why the fuck should they 'be kind'?

It's one thing for the justice system to treat him like a child who needs help - I understand that. But the girls he's been 'collecting' and other girls that have been freaked out by this have absolutely no obligation not to say how his actions have made them feel.

ETA - And nor do their parents when they're speaking on the girls' behalf, like the OP.

They weren’t my friends in the first place, In my case they were bullies.

Writing a diary is fine, as is (up to a point!) taking surreptitious photos and making notes of people's movements. And no-one should have their private stuff bruited about.

But the boy's behaviour is entirely a matter for the school, not the OP. The OP's actual problem is that the girls are being threatened with punishment for not wanting to be his friend any more.

Well why should they, now they know what hes been doing? And why should they let him carry on taking photos of them, if they don't want to? Are they permitted no agency? They should of course be polite.

I would feel very uncomfortable with this too, OP.

This child has gathered photos from a range of sources to illustrate the folders dedicated to 15 specific girls. He has access to the social media files and continues to have a school camera to take photos of other children. This doesn't sound right at all. I'm with a previous poster, withdraw consent for the school to take pictures of your daughter, and ask that all previous ones on file are deleted.

I honestly cannot deal with the replies on this thread and the minimising of this boys behaviour.

If I have this right, this boy has photographs of the girls, in folders labelled with girls names on his iPad. The girls feel uncomfortable about that but are being told to be nice to the boy.

FUCK that. How dare they minimise the girls feelings and once again, telling girls to ignore it and not to ostracise the boy.

Also, why has mumsnet turned into an absolute shitshow with pile ons on every single thread??

Anyhow, tldr - girls asserting their boundaries around sexual behaviour isn't bullying.

I am genuinely surprised how this thread has gone, and how the OP daughter is construed as a bully for not wanting to have her picture taken by or talk to a boy who has kept a detailed folder on her with pictures he took, and notes on her.

He can do this because the school gave him a camera and permission to use it.

His behaviour shows he shouldn't be trusted, as he has used it for his own personal crushes or fantasies. That is not appropriate.

Imagine if a male colleague was doing the staff photos - and you subsequently found out he had little labelled folders on several female colleagues with images he had taken of them.... would you still want to pose for him? Sit next to him at work or share a lift to the Xmas do?

It sounds like your daughter and her friends are bullying this boy.
I kept a diary as a teenager- with polaroid pictures of boys and girls in my year and my thoughts. This just sounds like the modern version.

Can you withdraw permission for your DD to be photographed at all at school? I know it is unfair , but that is one thing in your/her control.

What disturbs me about this is the school telling the girls not to refer to him as creepy and to be nice to him. It's OK for the boys to upset them but as always the girls are told to be kind. Girls need to learn to protect themselves but over and over they're told to ignore behaviour that disturbs them and then we wonder why so many young women get involved with men who abuse them

And if the kids that you wrote shit about didn’t want to be your friends anymore , surely that would be fair enough?

Let the school deal with it and stop shit stirring.

As a parent, school staff (and child once upon a time) I can tell you schools often do not deal with things properly and often brush it under the carpet, minimise and dismiss such things.

Inappropriate touching- he didn’t mean it, he tried to something else, he doesn’t understand.
Threats , including things like “if you don’t do x I will rape you”- he doesn’t understand, he didn’t mean it, he doesn’t know what it means
Inappropriate behaviours - he doesn’t understand, he didn’t mean it

Repeat ad infinitum. Even if that is the case, girls do NOT have to shut up and put up with this. They do NOT have to be kind. They do NOT have to be nice. They do not have to be friends, socialise or even give these boys the time of day.

Exactly just a diary, note taking, recording things. We are all allowed to think or write this.

Yes.

Keeping a diary is pretty standard. Also could be a possibility that the child in question is ND and notes are to help with interactions and so on. It would depend completely upon the context which we don’t know.

Also it is not ok for someone’s diary to be stolen and sent to others.

as teens I’m sure we all thought, or wrote p, some pretty weird stuff it’s about becoming you and growing up.

I think this nails it!

Oh shhh! Why the fuck can’t OP call a creepy boy a creepy boy?