School not taking note of creepy behaviour

sorry you'll have to use real english to reply to me - I'm not a teenager so I don't read pretend words

This is not that weird. The weirdness is that he is compiling dossiers on 15 girls aged 12-15, systematically tracking their activities on social media, saving images in designated folders and annotating his files with his 'fantasies'. He's also' keeping track where they actually are, eg in his neighbourhood, and how that makes him feel. Now, had this all remained hidden, no one would be any the wiser, although many girls do have a 6th sense and his oddness will be coming across in real life.

The worst part of this is that he and his parents are trying to coerce the girls, who feel understandably violated, into interacting with him and bullying them by vexatiously reporting them to the school. His parents enable that boy and he will not learn anything from this.

If your manager had seen what you did, it may not have gone down that well but your secret was safe. But there is a difference between copying one single photo and running a whole archive on school girls, which is more obsessive and controlling. Clearly his parents are the controlling types too seeing that they are unable to empathise with the girls and their families. It takes some brass neck for them to call the parents of the girls.

When I was about this boy's age I got my first p/t job in a supermarket, and almost immediately developed a debilitating crush on the store HR manager who'd hired me. On the wall outside the staff room there was a big noticeboard with rotas, H&S stuff, and photos of the store managemnt, and you can probably guess where this is going. One day after school I went into the shop on the pretext of checking my rota, made sure the coast was clear, and swiped the HR managers photo. I ran up the road to a newsagents that had a colour copier, photocopied it, went back to the shop and stuck the original back on the board with noone any the wiser. With 30-odd years worth of hindsight I obviously can identify that as weird and inappropriate, but I was a teenager: full of hormones and with only teenage levels of emotional maturity and common sense, just like this lad. Also, my behaviour was weird, but that didn't make me weird. That's an important distinction that I think has been lost by a lot of people on this thread. The boy is 15 and right now he's dying of embarrassment. In 10 years time he's far more likely to be a regular, productive member of society than some kind of sex weirdo, just like I turned out to be.

How did the girls get on with him before his stuff was shared?

Funny how you made up your own narrative and completely ignored what OP wrote.

The girls quit the activity, they didn’t ask him to leave . HIS parents complained about the girls quitting!!! They’re not obliged to attend an extra curricular activity, nevermind with him.

The deputy told the girls they have to talk to him. The boy’s parents rang the girls parents asking them to talk to him. The boy’s parents minimised his actions with “just fantasies”.

What kind of message does that send? To any of the kids involved?

The minimising on this thread is something else.

Now obviously backlash no one is talking to the boy but the deputy Headmaster is now singled out girls and asking them to not believe these stories and they need to talk to him.

So the girls are told to talk to him. You can't order people to talk to people they don't like. If my dc was the object of this boy's 'fantasy' I'd insist he does not sit next to them in any lessons.

His parents calling girls parents saying it's just fantasy and your child shouldn’t stop talking to him else he will report to school about being ostracised. If he was tracking my dd and his parents called me to force my dc to talk to this boy they would be very clearly told that no this is not going to happen and any further attempts at trying to talk to us so we coerce our dc to do something against her best interest, I'd have to consider as potential harassment.

deputy pulling up my child saying he has reported you being mean to him and you can’t ostracised him.
I would consider this completely unreasonable and start a complaint procedure.

I stand by my child, how she feels and her rights to block those who make her uncomfortable. Anyone can block anyone they want, it's not illegal.

The Child is in tech crew and has pro camera which is allowed to carry around at school events. Also has access to school media folders
This is completely unacceptable and a conflict of interest. His access to school photo folders must be removed immediately and he shouldn't be the designated photographer.

Deputy has suspended a few boys for sharing the images
This is normal and expected procedure.

some of parents left a common activity (external to school) after which he complained to school saying Girls are excluded him.
He needs to take a huge step back. His ability to empathise with these girls is zero he needs to get that what he did is upsetting and creepy. It's not illegal but people will naturally feel appalled and worried about his behaviour. He needs to understand that his behaviour makes people uncomfortable, he is objectifying these girls, classifying and organising them as if they are things not humans. Th fact that he keeps track of where they are adds a concerning additional layer, it's not just online. Next likely phase: stalking.

He is complaining about the completely normal and healthy reaction from his peers and his running to the school and telling on the girls for not interacting with him is actually borderline harassment and bullying. His parents enable him (poor darling boy, it's not his fault, mean girls don't like to be watched and treated as objected of his male gaze). With poor and feeble parenting like that, that boys stands NO chance to grow out of his 'quirks' if that's all that it is and I pity the girls around him.

You should organise yourself with the parents of the other girls and go in together. He needs to lose access to school photo folders and they need to revisit what they post on the schools' social media. They can't prevent him from tracking the girls if his not approaching them but the can and must stop telling the girls they have to interact with him. They really need to be separated so if he can be moved in the school to limit any contact with the girls in question that would be good. The school are NOT handling this well. He and teh girls need mental health support and guidance how to deal with this. The girls and the boy will not benefit from this enabling Be Kind approach. It is not kind to the girls anyways.

There might be charities to help with this.

but they didn’t have to bring all this to another place to try to ruin his entire life. He ruined the activity for them because he tracks the girls online and keeps records on them on his computer, classifying and tracking them. The girls understandably feel weirded out and don't want to be around him more than absolutely necessary.
Maybe that’s something to change if it’s creating this sort of problem. Not maybe but with immediate effect.

I feel sorry for the boy but I also think the girls should not be told to interract with him.

Where did it say they have to talk to him? I just saw they complained about his presence in an external activity and then left it to avoid being around him. So they spread the gossip and don’t do the activity anymore anyway? Of course children should feel safe - in and out of school - but they didn’t have to bring all this to another place to try to ruin his entire life.

I still think the boy is a victim here and the actual villain is the bully who shared everything. Having your online files stolen from you to share with an entire school is a massive issue and I’m surprised that boy is still a student.

My daughter was attacked by a group of teenage boys at school. They surrounded her and pushed her around and yelled bigoted things in her face (we are Jewish). The police had to get involved. The boys are still there, my daughter is still there, and she’s had multiple classes with one of them - even sitting next to him for an entire year. That’s actual harm by those actual boys. Writing some fantasies in your private device could have been a much smaller issue if everyone hadn’t decided to keep taking it farther.

I think the obvious resolution here is to review their policy on photos in school if the actual issue is this boy has a school issued camera and more access than other people to take photos. Maybe that’s something to change if it’s creating this sort of problem.

i didn’t see it mentioned that her daughter was one of the girls, just that she is friends with some of the girls involved. Surely she should be happy she wasn’t one of the ones he fancied ?

It happened because the files, photos, notes and fantasies exist. OP’s daughter is involved because she was one of the girls . She didn’t insert herself into anything.

At the very least not to be forced to talk to a boy she now feels uncomfortable around?

I'd be interested to know what the reaction would be if he fed these pictures into AI and generated new images, not x-rated ones just new images like design his perfect girls and shit like that. Pease people teach your teens, boys and girls not to objectify and use others for their own gratification.

No, he may not have done anything illegal as such, but collecting, organising, classifying and annotating folders of girls' photos suggests a fixation and he is objectifying these girls. Cyberstalking can include using digital means to collect personal information and monitor someone.

The girls are certainly not wrong for wanting to avoid him after discovering it. Equally, I don't think it was right for his private files to be shared around. The person who discovered this boy's secret, should have informed a teacher and his parents so the teenage boy can be educated about why this behaviour is inappropriate.

What I find most troubling is the expectation that the girls should simply overlook it. It's understandable that the girls would find that unsettling and keep their distance. Why would a 12 year old girl be expected to interact with a 15 year old boy at school? He should not be the school photographer. He's abused that trust. I didn't think, from a safeguarding point a student should be allowed to take photos for minors, it's a safeguarding gap. That needs to be addressed urgently. The boy needs to be supported and educated. His parents must not minimise the behaviour of their ds and the girls need support to assert themselves.

It was right to punish the person who shared the images.

Anyone on here ever read 'The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole'? Imagine if Barry Kent had stolen and photocopied Adrian's diary and told the whole school that Adrian fancies Pandora, but for some reason all the parents had wanted Pop-eye Scruton the headmaster to punish Adrian instead. That seems to be what's going on here.

Who said they’re not dealing with it. They said they’ve dealt with it. Case closed. It’s Op who’s demanding the ins and outs and witch hunting

Girls label their experience of being made to feel uncomfortable and knowing something is off and it’s dismissed

well I never ….

Is this a private school by any chance ?

I would be contacting the head and wanting to know what safe guarding is being put into place in the very least

Lowandhandhold · Yesterday 12:35
Imagine if your daughter’s bullying and your enabling of her and her friends’ behaviour results in this boy hurting himself or worse. Speak to the school if you’re worried. But creating a petition against the boy? Disgraceful.

But the school and the boys parents are forcing the issue here by not dealing with it.

YenSon · Yesterday 17:51
This seems like unusual behaviour and this child could have special educational needs / social communication difficulties that need supporting. I wonder if there is an element of bullying here.

As the parent of an SEN boy myself, there is no way that this can be blamed on SEN in a mainstream school. ANY SEN parent of a boy (or indeed ANY parent of a boy) would know that acceptable standards of male behaviour have to be hammered home in order to counteract dominant standards of toxic masculinity. Any family not doing this is massively negligent. This includes uncomfortable conversations about things such as social media use, photographs (let's be frank, parents need to be discussing stuff like porn and dick pics).

A boy that thinks this is acceptable as a teenager is at risk of not understanding the concept of consent. Which leads to risk of physical issues around consent later. The school and his parents are doing him no favours in not dealing with this.

I have read all your posts and I still have an awful lot of sympathy for the boy here. What is your actual ask? That he isn't an official school photographer anymore? That no one takes pictures of people at school?

There are probably millions and millions of photos of all of us - anyone can take our photo at any time while we are out in the world, and we are likely in the background of endless photos all the time. This boy surely has a phone so can take any photos he likes really. He hasn't harassed anyone, he hasn't been sneaking into locker rooms or anything like that, he didn't even share any of this - it was stolen from him and shared without his permission. This is the sort of thing that ruins lives.

I am 100% sure that many, many teenagers have secret thoughts and secret information - diaries maybe old fashioned now, but online files and such are perhaps the modern equivalent.

My daughter is a dancer and on the competition team. They have photographers at most events, but also the events are open to whoever and any number of other people could be taking photos at any time of my 13 year old daughter in a tiny clothes dancing on stage with lots of other children. Am sure not all the people taking these photos are total innocents, but I had to make my peace with it and accept I can only control so much.

What do you and your daughter want or expect to happen now?

It doesn’t matter, if I found someone had files about me on their PC I would be concerned. The girls every reason to be concerned. It isn’t normal behaviour to find pictures of people and store them in a file with fantasy stories about them.

if you feel it is then fine, but this mum clearly doesn’t along with the girls.

the stories also don’t matter, it shows a clear level of fixation and a breach of privacy! He’s weird, it doesn’t matter why, what matters is he is told it’s not normal socially accepted behaviour now!

And please don’t believe a school will always follow the law, I can tell you they don’t! my daughters school didn’t follow safeguarding or LADO procedures because they weren’t trained adequately and didn’t understand the severity!

Would you take pictures of people without their knowledge and save them adding stories! I hope not.

I imagine his parents are completely minimising their son's behaviour, which is exactly why he is unlikely to learn from it. If anything, that risks reinforcing increasingly unhealthy attitudes and habits towards girls and women.

He needs guidance from his parents, and possibly professional support, to understand why collecting, categorising and tracking girls in this way is inappropriate and objectifying. The fact that social media photos can be downloaded does not mean they should be. There is a difference between viewing public content and systematically (and probably obsessively) saving images and compiling notes about individuals, tra cking them.

The reaction he received is telling. His peers were disturbed by what he was doin because the behaviour crossed a line into something intrusive and unhealthy. If it were truly harmless and socially acceptable, people would not have reacted so negatively to it.

There is a huge difference between jotting down your thoughts and feelings in a diary, whether paper or electronic, and keeping tabs on photos of very young girls, downloading, storing, categorising and profiling images of girls going about their daily activities and adding 'research' notes. The former is simple self expression. The latter goes way beyond simply expressing his feelings. It involves collecting and organising information about young girls, creating files on them, tracking them over time, and cataloging the girls and his observations. that is a lot more creepy, it's' voyaristic and objectifying. He is probably socially awkward and needs support to show him this is not the way to go about things.

If the school know a pupil is systematically downloading photos of girls form their social media, they ought to review what they are posting on their SM. Demanding that the girls he is tracking speak to him is coercive and I would 100% complain about that.

This sounds a lot like something may or may not have happened involving a boy your daughter doesn’t like. Your daughter has decided to involve herself, in something that really has nothing to do with her, and has been told to take her nose out of it. I would suggest she do that. It’s fine to avoid a boy she doesn’t like, anything else isn’t. It really it that simple.