Hen party problems

My sister wanted to go abroad for her hen. She knew that I would not want to leave my daughter for too long. Our other sister would not have been able to afford it.

Same for other bridesmaids. Some would make some not.

She chose 2 nights in a “hen house” some surprise things for us and for her to do. It was great. There was 13 of us altogether and we had a great time. Yes she would have liked to go abroad but she preferred to have her family and friends with her.

I just don’t know where people get off but time and time again we see these threads on MN where someone is having a very expensive away hen do and when their friends politely apologise and say unfortunately they can’t make it as can’t afford it / childcare / annual leave etc (any single one reason is totally acceptable) and then the bride gets the hump. It’s not you, it’s her. No real friend would (expect their friends to stump up over £1000 / go away for 4 whole nights) get even remotely upset if someone can’t make their hen do.

Hi Jenny,

Unfortunately I can't attend your hen do. Nor can I participate in your wedding as your personal lap-dog.. I mean.. bridesmaid.

Also, get fucked you selfish bitch.

Love Debs (lol)

There, fixed that for you 😀

What is it with these bridezillas?
You have to be firm. Not everyone can conjure up that amount of money for a hen do.

Once upon a time a hen do was a night at the pub with a male stripper or two.
Stag night would be a night at the pub with the groom to be hoping he doesnt end up naked and handcuffed to a lamp post.
Those were the days !!! 😅😅

When my sister got married we went for a meal in a nice restaurant and had some drinks in a bar - job done
not an “away do” and a “home do”

not days away in expensive places that people can’t afford

not wearing ridiculous themed clothes/fancy dress that nobody will ever wear again

I don’t understand this craze of such expensive hen do’s it can just exclude people and to be honest I’d be thinking of withdrawing my services as BM for someone this selfish especially given the year you’ve had.

There's nothing wrong with an expensive hen party............... but it should be completely optional, and only attended by people who want to go and can afford it

I like the suggested wording upthread

Contact her and tell her to shove the "hen holiday" and wedding up her arse. She's no friend of yours OP and she sounds vile anyway. And quite frankly this whole hen celebration thing has become fucking ridiculous these days.

This is perfect. Send this and leave the ball in her court but definitely decline to be a bridesmaid.
Hope your year looks up soon xx

The bride should pay for anything she is specifying. I paid for dresses, shoes, hair and make up for my bridesmaids.

What a bitchy friend! Id not want to be her bridesmaid TBF after that. You see if I was getting married, I couldn’t have friends stressing over an expensive hen do, no way! Id either ditch the idea or as your ‘friend’ is doing, have a cheaper much more inclusive uk one too (but she’s being nasty as wants u on both unfairly, prob to look popular on her insta pics!)

I would bite the bullet and contact her, and I would be saying you have reflected and actually you think, as she is so upset with you, it’s better you give up the role as BM as well, as the cost of dress, hair etc is just not possible for you

sounds like the friendship is over anyway

What a terrible disappointment that person has turned out to be. I’m so sorry because it’s hard to lose a friend this way but it’s on her. Please don’t question yourself on this, you’re being a good mum, and friend, for that matter. As others have said, shocking behaviour from her and now is a good time to draw a line under this relationship. So sorry.

If I were to spend 1K on a trip, it would be with my husband, not to satisfy Bridezilla's ego trip

I think you need to drop out as MoH now.
Tell your friend it is too much to take on financially with everything going on in your life and you need to prioritize your kids. Tell her you're sorry, but you must drop out now before other events and duties come up as you know you can't step up.
Honestly, you have to skip this. All if it, wedding too. You can't afford to participate in any of it, and you need to be focused on your own situation. Your friend clearly doesn't understand the significance of your life events, likely due to her personality and being wrapped up in her own world, and it sounds like this friendship really has run its course.
Tell her now.

She sounds dreadful sweetheart, I really wouldn't to be friends with a woman like this. I'm sorry you've had a really tough time recently. Hopefully going forward things will improve for you and your Mum x

She is not your friend. Friends treat each other with kindness not cruelty and contempt.

I would contact her and say that you find her lack of empathy quite upsetting and no longer with to be her bridesmaid.

she wasn’t happy at all, said she expected me to be there for her, was really disappointed in me, it was her big day and she wanted me there for it etc etc

Tough shit. If she really wanted her mates there, she wouldn't do a great big expensive abroad thing.
Ignore her.

Another bloody unreasonable bridezilla. Of course you are N U to advise her in plenty of time that you can't go.

Your friend sounds like a right bridezilla! I dont understand these expensive hens abroad or what they are supposed to accomplish. A night out for a meal and cocktails would be just as enjoyable and far less expensive. As suggested by a previous poster I would offer to step down as a bridesmaid and then gradually fade out on the friendship.

Sorry- my fat fingers pressed the wrong button and I can’t change my vote! You are NOT being unreasonable, she is!

I really think brides who do this are just experiencing some sort of influencer induced psychosis.
You're not at all unreasonable @Feralbookworm
She owes you a massive apology for being so insensitive and the fact that so many of her friends can't make it should really be a wake up call that what she wants is not reasonable.

You are right to feel hurt OP. What kind of friend is she usually and do you want the friendship to continue? If so then could you have a chat with her about how youve been feeling?

Some brides are so entitled! My own experience is I'd spent over £500 to go on my (ex) best friend's hen do abroad and that was 20 years ago. There was a further £300 spent on staying at the wedding venue because that's what she wanted and I bought my own bloody shoes ( I was a bridesmaid) and took a day off work. On the hen do she'd had a few drinks and was moaning to me she'd had to buy her own cocktail then when it came to splitting the meal bill there was an awkward silence because she didn't offer her share. Someone then took the hint and suggested we should pay for her. I couldn't believe how blatant she was!

My hen night was watching a film and eating some sweets with some friends, my friend had two hen nights when she got married a couple of years ago, first evening was at a Chinese restaurant, second was going to a nightclub. I went to the first one as I was very pregnant at that point and nightclubs have always been my idea of hell. She didn't kick off about it because she's nice.

This is very selfish behaviour from the bride OP and I'm sorry you're having to cope with this at a difficult time for you and your family 💐
In your shoes I would simply apologise that you can't make the hen do and simply explain that it's a matter of excessive cost. That should be obvious even to her, especially as you have young children to care for in difficult circumstances.