Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What exactly is the strictness in English schools actually achieving?

607 replies

WaitAMinutePlease · 11/06/2026 21:08

I’ve been on Mumsnet for years and one thing that genuinely puzzles me is how strict many English schools seem to be.

The thread today about the little boy with severe leg pain, and his mum asked if he could temporarily leave school at 1.30pm instead of 3.30pm because he’s struggling physically. The school apparently refused and said they wouldn’t “release” him. (Sorry? You won’t ‘release’ MY child??? WTAF!)

I see similar threads all the time. Parents being threatened with fines over attendance, children not being allowed time off for family holidays, requests for flexibility being refused, schools insisting on attendance despite medical issues that are still being investigated, and so on.

I’m Irish, and honestly this feels ridiculous to me. Irish schools are generally much more pragmatic. If a child was struggling with a health issue, even one that hadn’t yet been formally diagnosed, most schools would work with the parents. Reduced hours, work sent home, flexibility around attendance, none of that would seem remotely controversial. Equally, while schools don’t encourage term-time holidays, taking children out of school for a family holiday isn’t generally treated as some major disciplinary issue.

What I don’t understand is what the strictness is actually achieving. Ireland has a higher proportion of students progressing to third-level education than England by a mile (approx 76% vs 46%), so it’s not obvious to me that a highly punitive attendance culture produces better educational outcomes.

So my question is: why are English schools like this?

Is it government pressure? Ofsted? League tables? Funding linked to attendance? Or is it actually genuinely believed that this level of strictness benefits children?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Differentforgirls · 12/06/2026 07:49

WaitAMinutePlease · 12/06/2026 07:19

And I think there’s maybe some truth in that, and what other posters have mentioned about the value placed on education in Ireland. Education is a route out of poverty, so as a historically poorer country, maybe Irish parents place more weight and expectation on education, third level especially. It is very, very out of the norm for our children to choose not to go to university, and if they don’t then they have a trade or apprenticeship lined up. I’ve seen loads of threads/posts on here where English children don’t have a plan for after second level, or are just working part time, that just doesn’t really happen regularly in Ireland.

Same in Scotland. No fees helps.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 12/06/2026 07:48

Peopleshouldhavetails · 11/06/2026 21:57

My DDs are in their final years at secondary and I can’t wait to be done with the English school system. Im north European and although I love living in the UK , the school system is not something I’ll miss after next week.
Strict for certain things (uniform rules) but no staff around when kids are loudly swearing during lunch breaks making it feel unsafe for other students , and so geared towards rewarding children who fit the system. One of mine will receive yet another award next week (every year same kids), whilst the other one has had to overcome so much more and has never received any award.
Young people leave education seeking external praise instead of having developed intrinsic motivation.
1 more week and all apps can be deleted 🙌

This... and especially the sentence "Young people leave education seeking external praise instead of having developed intrinsic motivation" sums it up.

My DD is at s top girls' private school, with a scholarship and bursary, and yes, there are privileged girls who attend thanks to well off parents, but it seems apparent the school has a "can do" attitude to encourage confident self motivated pupils who will have emotional maturity. Their eeducation results in pupils who have better leadership skills, rather than training workers who are looking for instructions to follow, rather than motivation to lead.

The difference is there, and yes, it is absolutely partly due to paying for the privilege, but I personally think even my excellent state grammar school wasn't that great. I was swot-like and others thought it was 'sad'. The teasing wasn't good.😐

localnotail · 12/06/2026 07:47

All it achieves is stressing normal parents out. The kids who's parents are crap are still missing school, and problematic parents dont give a crap for letters or fines.

I had to send my son to school ill a few times to only be called later in the day and told to collect him.

noblegiraffe · 12/06/2026 07:46

Sartre · 12/06/2026 07:04

I was at secondary 2004-09, behaviour was hideous then, it isn’t exclusive to this generation.

I’ve been teaching in the same school for two decades. Yes, there was poor behaviour 20 years ago but the difference now is obvious, particularly post-covid. This is in a reasonably sought-after school with good results.

People who try to claim it’s normal don’t know what they’re talking about.

Words · 12/06/2026 07:46

I think it is about how children are brought up in Ireland. From my albeit limited experience, young people seem to be much more polite and respectful, especially the young men. Meaning schools are not left to pick up the slack of appalling parenting.

Mapletree1985 · 12/06/2026 07:43

WaitAMinutePlease · 11/06/2026 22:01

But if the system doesn’t suit ‘too many children’ then surely there’s something wrong with the system?

You think schools should adapt to suit kids with no self-discipline who can't regulate themselves, rather than try to teach them self-discipline and self-regulation? Some of these big teen boys have the self-regulation of toddlers.

Boomer55 · 12/06/2026 07:41

Tetchypants · 11/06/2026 21:39

They’re strict because parents aren’t parenting properly, and too many kids these days are entitled little pricks.

Spot on. 👍👍👍

OneCoralGoose · 12/06/2026 07:39

WaitAMinutePlease · 11/06/2026 22:38

But I’m not talking about reprimanding bad behaviour. I absolutely agree that a very strict approach needs to be taken with behaviour issues, a complete zero tolerance approach to bullying, strict with regards to showing respect, kindness and tolerance etc.

What Im talking about the ridiculous rules around attendance, the lack of flexibility, the fines and threats of legal action towards parents.

Irish people do get fined for non attendance. Im not sure why you think they dont. Its just the theshold is much higher. 20 days missed in a year and you will be issued letters from tusla and if you dont have a good reason fined and risk prison.

BrownBookshelf · 12/06/2026 07:32

Oncemorewithsome · 11/06/2026 21:45

It’s a relatively modern thing which was brought in when Labour were last in government, added to by the Tories and continued by the current Labour government.

Essentially it’s down to some truly terrible reading of research. Apparently no one told any of these politicians that correlation is not causation.

Children who have more time off school are correlated with children who have lower attainment.

However time off school is also correlated with medical issues, chaotic home life and SEND. All of which INDEPENDENTLY would cause worse attainment.

A family holiday isn’t causing poor attainment.
Nor is a child who is having cancer treatment served well by insisting they are in school when they are unwell.

They should focus on ensuring families have enough money, supporting parental mental health issues, meeting children’s SEND and funding the NHS. Not penalising anxious children or stopping families having a few days off for auntie Jane’s wedding.

I would imagine everyone except the few people in power already agree.

Superb post.

I feel for schools getting lumbered with the dafter side of attendance management. Can have an awful impact on relationships with parents. Because ultimately, lots of people are sufficiently well informed to know that what you just said there is correct. We know full well there's fuck all evidence that a child missing a few days for a term time holiday is going to have a significant negative impact. And even for those who don't specifically know this, we have all just lived through a period where school attendance became a nice to have, something that could be stopped if there was a good enough reason. Our society values travel, so naturally the dots are joined. And school staff have to piss in the wind.

WaitAMinutePlease · 12/06/2026 07:30

Superhansrantowindsor · 12/06/2026 07:00

Thing is all schools are different. You might have a particularly strict school near you. I have read about Michaela school - that’s quite unusual. There is a whole range of behaviour policies and where I live they are quite relaxed. Uniform policies are ridiculous though and yet school kids have never looked scruffier so they clearly don’t work.

Defintely some schools stricter than others, due to the nature of my work, and my DC hobbies and social circles, I’d be familiar with many of the secondary schools in the county and the more hard line still don’t seem as strict as English schools.

Even in those stricter schools (e.g convent schools) you’re not getting fined for your children missing school, you’re not worried about whether absences for appointments, important family occasions etc will be authorised. You’re absolutely not worried that your child won’t be ‘released’ when you want them to (wtf?). Those stricter schools would likely be more accommodating in terms of sending home school work and working with the parents in the event of absences. And you’re definitely not worried your local authority will be on your case, having a civil servant poking their nose in your child’s attendance and threatening legal action.

OP posts:
Honeyhonay · 12/06/2026 07:28

Uniform doesn’t even seem strict in England compared to NI, sure some schools will have their own stricter rules but over all primaries have polos, there are colleges that have no uniform or just a polo and trousers and plenty of secondaries with a more casual uniform.
In NI many primary’s are already in a shirt and tie and the vast majority of schools have a formal strict, and largely branded uniform policy.

Animatic · 12/06/2026 07:24

OP, It sounds ridiculous because it is often ridiculous. I never understood fixation on the attendance while insisting unwell children stay in class/come to school.

RosemaryRusset · 12/06/2026 07:20

CaesarAugusta · 11/06/2026 22:52

Poor attendance is strongly correlated with poor achievement, the EEF research suggests that disrupted schooling, principally student absence, is the second most important influence on school achievement, especially in disadvantaged students.

The trouble is that some schools are ludicrously hypocritical about this. Where they use isolation and suspensions a lot, that means children lose large amounts of teaching, and giving them worksheets to do in isolation certainly doesn't make up for that. If one day off school is meant to be so harmful for attendance purposes, why does it apparently suddenly stop mattering when they want to put children in isolation? It just sets up a vicious circle in many cases - when children get back into class, they've missed so much they have no idea what is going on and may well play up even more to disguise that fact.

This! It also makes the children very cynical about whether the school really values education if every punishment deprives them of it.

WaitAMinutePlease · 12/06/2026 07:19

CuntOfTheLitter · 12/06/2026 07:10

Until 1960s you had to pay for your child to attend secondary schools in Ireland. So free secondary education is probably still respected. I imagine therefore the schools there don’t need to manage children in quite the same way as more impetus comes from home.

And I think there’s maybe some truth in that, and what other posters have mentioned about the value placed on education in Ireland. Education is a route out of poverty, so as a historically poorer country, maybe Irish parents place more weight and expectation on education, third level especially. It is very, very out of the norm for our children to choose not to go to university, and if they don’t then they have a trade or apprenticeship lined up. I’ve seen loads of threads/posts on here where English children don’t have a plan for after second level, or are just working part time, that just doesn’t really happen regularly in Ireland.

OP posts:
WaitAMinutePlease · 12/06/2026 07:11

Whatafustercluck · 12/06/2026 06:24

Entitled, permissive parenting has always existed - so too have disruptive kids.

When I was at school in the 90s, there were no behaviour points and detentions for low level things like forgetting equipment, or swinging on a chair. It does feel like we've become more draconian, but it hasn't actually materially improved anything. Indeed, quite the opposite.

Imagine being a kid from a household where there's no money and being penalised because you don't have the right PE shorts with the logo.

The uniform is something that can be stricter on a school by school basis in Ireland really. Some can have high expectations, but on a hot day for example, children can still remove jumpers and ties without ‘permission’.

Blazers just arent a thing in Ireland, except maybe in the few private schools.

My DC school allows the kids to wear all black trainers (no white soles or markings), they don’t have to wear the jumper day to day if they don’t want.

The student body a number of years ago voted via their student council to get rid of ties all together, so they changed from V neck to round neck jumpers and don’t have any ties anymore. The jumpers don’t have logos/crests so they can be purchased cheaply in supermarkets etc.

They used to have logos/crests on the PE T-shirt, they became too expensive so they got rid of them too and the kids were any all black training gear. There are optional crested shell jackets the kids can purchase if they are members of a sports team and will be travelling in their kit.

They still expect shirt and trousers and kids to be clean and properly turned out, particularly for school events and trips, but there’s no such thing as detention if they’re not.

OP posts:
CuntOfTheLitter · 12/06/2026 07:10

Until 1960s you had to pay for your child to attend secondary schools in Ireland. So free secondary education is probably still respected. I imagine therefore the schools there don’t need to manage children in quite the same way as more impetus comes from home.

Sartre · 12/06/2026 07:04

noblegiraffe · 12/06/2026 07:00

The level of basic behaviour in kids has fallen off a cliff in recent years, I haven't seen anything like it before in my school and I've been teaching a long time, 11 year old kids looking at you like you're a piece of dirt if you ask them to not sit in the middle of a corridor, for example.

My school is not strict. Absolutely zero consequences for those kids who refused to move. And yet a group of parents have gone absolutely batshit about our attempts to impose any serious form of sanctions for kids who seriously disrupt the learning of others. Those parents have moaned about 'sanctions for stuff like forgetting a pen' when that's not even a thing (my kid was sent to iso for not having a pen - no, they did fuck-all work for half the lesson then when this was pointed out, said it was my fault because they didn't have a pen etc etc). Those parents

  1. don't have a clue what it's actually like and
  2. are actively destroying the school's ability to teach kids in any orderly way.

I was at secondary 2004-09, behaviour was hideous then, it isn’t exclusive to this generation.

SpudGunToo · 12/06/2026 07:03

user293948849167 · 11/06/2026 21:42

I think it’s ridiculous too, I’m in Wales and it really isn’t the same here. I had to keep my year 6 DD off school Monday because she had a stomach ache and feeling sick (attendance is 98% so hardly ever off), all school said when I phoned in was “ah poor thing hope she’s better soon”.
Allowed 5 days a year for holidays (we never take it but nice to know if we needed to go to some family event it would be fine)

Then have to take other DD (secondary school) to orthodontist appointment every couple of months and never have any problems.

They’re allowed to wear black trainers and shorts in summer, no blazers, allowed to take their jumpers off if they’re hot without having to ask permission!

Both schools outstanding, good exam results. Nice friendly atmosphere

That’s nice, but could it be a factor in the worse educational outcomes in Wales than in England?

Differentforgirls · 12/06/2026 07:02

Corianda · 11/06/2026 23:12

The thread is about English schools though.

Multiuniverse · 12/06/2026 07:02

There is only one true reason in my opinion.

Attendance, which impacts a schools ofsted rating.

Sartre · 12/06/2026 07:01

I’ve said this on a few threads recently about similar topics BUT I was at secondary school under New Labour and it was like Lord of the Flies. It was, as Alistair Campbell famously said, a “bogstandard comp” in a deprived city with almost 2000 kids. The teachers had zero control over us, we very much ruled the roost. Think of the early series of Waterloo Road and it was actually probably worse…

The headteacher was a hippy and she believed in kids “expressing themselves” so our uniform rules were fairly lax, we were allowed to have multiple piercings, wear jewellery, crazy makeup and dye our hair whichever colour we fancied. Most of the teachers had given up on us all- some were plainly waiting out retirement, others just didn’t last long. One teacher threw chairs across the classroom in sheer rage a few times and didn’t get sacked. Girls were getting pregnant before year 10 even. Fights happened daily and loads of kids would run to go and watch. Kids were smoking daily just openly on the fields. Kids would set fire alarms off to get out of lessons - sometimes multiple times a day.

It was insane. This was considered a “progressivist” school, quite popular under New Labour. I recommend Nick Gibbs new book on the education reforms. I don’t agree with everything they did by any means but it’s difficult to argue against schools now being much better. Also find the Michaela school interesting.

noblegiraffe · 12/06/2026 07:00

The level of basic behaviour in kids has fallen off a cliff in recent years, I haven't seen anything like it before in my school and I've been teaching a long time, 11 year old kids looking at you like you're a piece of dirt if you ask them to not sit in the middle of a corridor, for example.

My school is not strict. Absolutely zero consequences for those kids who refused to move. And yet a group of parents have gone absolutely batshit about our attempts to impose any serious form of sanctions for kids who seriously disrupt the learning of others. Those parents have moaned about 'sanctions for stuff like forgetting a pen' when that's not even a thing (my kid was sent to iso for not having a pen - no, they did fuck-all work for half the lesson then when this was pointed out, said it was my fault because they didn't have a pen etc etc). Those parents

  1. don't have a clue what it's actually like and
  2. are actively destroying the school's ability to teach kids in any orderly way.
Superhansrantowindsor · 12/06/2026 07:00

WaitAMinutePlease · 11/06/2026 22:11

You don’t think they’re strict enough??? 😳 If they were any stricter I’d imagine it would be akin to prison standards with night time release??? 😅

Thing is all schools are different. You might have a particularly strict school near you. I have read about Michaela school - that’s quite unusual. There is a whole range of behaviour policies and where I live they are quite relaxed. Uniform policies are ridiculous though and yet school kids have never looked scruffier so they clearly don’t work.

ThrallsWife · 12/06/2026 06:59

ShetlandishMum · 12/06/2026 06:44

My Scandinavian school had no uniforms or rules for hair/makeup
I have managed to work two jobs (both demanding a degree) wearing uniform without any issues in UK and Scandinavian.
How do you think it works outside England?

Edited

I grew up in a country that did not have uniform. I don't see it as the social equaliser it is hailed as here. But I do see the need to adhere to rules in the workplace. If my workplace says I wear black, I do not turn up in blue. If it says black leather shoes, I do not wear bright orange trainers.

The issue is that we have far too many students (and parents) who think the same rules don't apply to them. If you turned up at your workplace tomorrow not even vaguely adhering to their uniform standards, what would happen? And the day after? And another?

Uniform is just one symptom of a much wider issue.

InOverMyHead84 · 12/06/2026 06:58

GeneralPeter · 11/06/2026 21:32

Probably the strictest school, Michaela, has got the best Progress 8 scores for the third year in a row.

(I think a lot of that will be becuase of the signalling, ie attracting the right parents, but still it’s impressive).

Re Ireland - I don’t know. Maybe the causality runs the other way: your parenting is better so schooling doesn’t have to be as strict?

Yes. If you want children to learn, and set an environment that is best for the majority you need to be strict.

Otherwise the inmates run the asylum. I find what Michaela do fascinating and inspiring. It does influence aspects of my own practice. At my last school my students consistently made the best progress in the faculty and I built positive respectful relationships based on the boundaries I kept. (I was 'firm, but fair..')

Strict does not have to mean bad.