Uncomfortable with new manager but colleague disagrees

because It's actually irrelevant to the OP's situation.

whether it was well handled or badly handled is a separate issue entirely.

He has been trf to become OP's manager. They dint have to approve of his affair, but as long as he's good at his job what's the actual problem here? He's hardly likely to make a move on any of them & even if he did, 4 adult women should be perfectly able to refuse his advances.

I can't quite fathom why you left this very important bit of info out of your OP 😳

To be honest I’m not sure what you want your company to do with him in this situation. You said he’s been under investigation, disciplined and moved away from previous team to rectify the situation. Presumably he wasn’t investigated for being a risk to women in general, hence why he isn’t restricted from managing female colleagues now? You said he didn’t want to move so it’s not like he personally sought your team out, it was probably seen as a “suitable enough” placement for him.

I think it’s a leap, based on what you’ve shared here, to put in some group concerns. The majority of your information is gossip and comes from each of you egging each other on and riling each other up. There’s every chance he may come into this role with a view to keeping his head down and leaving asap, I doubt he gives a shit about you.

Her being moved on is a poor reflection of the company but you don’t know the details. Otherwise are you worried you will accidentally have sex with him? Because I can’t see what relevance it has

YABU. There’s no indication you’ll be at risk of his charm or that he’ll want to try it on with you. He had a workplace affair with another adult. The only people who should be worried about that are his ex wife and any new partner.

As a woman , the gossip predisposes me against friendship with this guy. Like @Ritasueandbobtoo9 I am struck by the apparent fact that the affair cost the woman her job, but he retained his.

However I would not want you speaking on my behalf. This isn’t about racism, homophobia, sexism, ageism or ableism in the workplace and it isn’t even grounded in known fact.

@Whatado says she would thank you for coming to her with your concerns. I suspect that is her courteous dismissal meaning ‘but you needn’t have bothered’. She says herself she would then expect you to get on with it.

Obviously if the guy is a sexual harasser everything changes but I cannot see anything in the sordid little story you’ve presented to suggest that he is more likely than any other man to be one.

uncomfortable? About what?

Not at all. Speak up

@Rooroobear

posted before I saw your comments.

I don't blame you for wanting to let people know. But you'll just get yourself banned & they'll carry on!

Why does him having an affair. Even with a younger colleague, make you uncomfortable reporting to him? Seriously. He had AN affair, doesn't mean he's going to try it on with you 3. I'm with your 4th colleague.

This is exactly what I was thinking

Totally agree with this. You don’t want to be managed by this new manager based on the gossip you’ve heard. You don’t know the full facts of why he was suspended, that’s supposed to be confidential. Senior manager won’t be impressed by gossip and it will definitely look bad on you. Crack on with raising your concerns if you must but leave your colleague who doesn’t want to be involved out of it.

Also yes, I’ve reported it

So many troll/rage bait threads on the go. Yawn 🥱

I’m not sure if it’s the same poster but the op of the other thread had to start a new one (as it got full) and had a name change fail. She updated the thread often until the new one revealed her actual mn name and people started looking at her posting history (as some so) and were calling her out on the things she previously posted (at the same time she was meant to be going through all this with her husband) her husband was the one who bought the sex chair when he’d been caught messaging this women. As soon as she was called out for her name change fail and previous posts she disappeared

OK. So he had a relationship of sorts with a direct report who was younger than him whilst married.

I'd imagine he's being moved mainly because he has lost credibility and authority in his previous department.

As long as you all understand that you don't have to have sex with him if you don't want to - even if he flirts or makes advances, that won't happen to you.

If he does flirt or make advances and no one reciprocates then you can deal with that as it arises under sexual harassment. If there are concerns about his management style or approach to staff in general, then raise it then.

However unpalatable it might be to you, the company has chosen to continue his employment and given that none of you has been told officially what has happened, all you have is gossip.

Extra marital affairs at work between 2 consenting adults used to happen all the time in my ‘90s workplace and no-one battered an eyelid.

Are you and your colleagues attractive Op and think he’ll want to start an affair with one of you?

I voted YABU. What’s your actual concern OP? You realise you need one.

I thought he had abused or harassed a staff member. Sounds like he had an affair- sounds like you’ve embellished and listened to gossip. I’m not surprised your colleague wants nothing to do with your ‘concern’.

People have affairs all the time. You’re not the moral police. Many of those happen in the workplace.

unless he’s trying to instigate an affair with you, YABU. He is there to do his job.

Whats your concern? Whilst it might be morally questionable, if the affair was consenting.it has no bearing on you surely, unless you work in marriage guidance or something similar?

You have to also consider that he was disaplined, the process completed and the decision made to retain him. Likely he was suspended (with pay?) due to gross misconduct if he conducted the affair using company time/assets. If he does similar again, a second disaplinary process is likely to result in dismissal.

Mind you, cynically, if he was suspended without pay, it was clearerly very serious, The fact that he’s back now and seemingly fine suggests that, for whatever reason, he could be untouchable.

So 2 consenting adults shagged at work? sure if he wants to shag one of the current people I get someone feeling odd about it but what is so amazing about the current people that makes everyone thinks he wants to shag them?

Christ have you never been attracted to anyone before? They were both consenting adults and it's not like she wouldn't have known he was married. "They were at it in the office" just sounds like gossip.

You'd be wise to concentrate on the job you're being paid to do rather than gossiping.

If it was consensual then none of your business.