Uncomfortable with new manager but colleague disagrees

If it was me, I'd wait and see what he was like as a manager first before acting.

Well the three of you can proceed with it if you want but you need to be very clear that your other colleague is not a part of it .
I don't understand the issue to be honest.

Exactly.

It could be that the OP just doesn't want to work with this manager because of his morals... or because she has a legitimate concern for sexual harassment but it's not clear at all.

Yes, it’s hard to follow OP’s posts.

Obviously the male colleague doesn’t sound professional, but is OP’s concern that he’s going to attempt to have an inappropriate relationship with colleagues in future? Plus there’s a difference between a consensual relationship vs harassment at work, it seems OP is suggesting future harassment is likely.

Good point.

OP’s approach to confidential procedures is unprofessional. It reflects how badly she would handle such matters as a line manager herself.

She’s someone who’s supposed to uphold confidentiality standards, but her engagement in gossiping about those procedures indicates she’s not taking the corporate line.

So it’s ironic to that she’s jumping on her new manager for having a spotty history when her own closet has skeletons.

I do think realistically OP’s new manager is going to find it hard to manage OP’s team as presumably they’ll throw these confidential matters in his face if he ever attempts normal line manager actions. So overall I do think it’s not going to end well as we aren’t dealing with professionals here.

I think complaining that you don’t want to work with someone when you have no experience of what they are like as a boss and your concerns are based around your knowledge of confidential disciplinary procedures (unsubstantiated or otherwise) is unprofessional and will not reflect well on you as a manager.

It didn't involve you so I would say nothing . It's 2026 and affairs happen all the time . You seem to have a narrow view .

It all sounds a bit unsavoury but he hasn't broken any laws and he's kept his job. I can't imagine you've heard the details of the disciplinary via HR/any official channels; you'll look petty and unprofessional if you complain to management on the basis of gossip/hearsay.

But like... you still haven't even said what your actual issue is? Very hard to agree with you with zero context

That would be my responsibility as a manager to adhere to disciplinary procedures in my company and ensure that we didnt end up with a constructive dismissal case from him.

She can be as judgmental as she wants,but unless she has any actual examples of breaches of company policy that involves her, her workstream or her direct reports thats all it is her own personal moral compass kicking in.

Yeah he might just not fancy you OP.

It's not professional or moral but assuming it was consensual it's really nobody else's business.

I think it would be very wrong to say you feel uncomfortable being managed by him. There's a very big difference between having a consensual affair (even if against workplace rules) and being a predator.

OP you will make yourself look ridiculous. This isn’t something I’d ever expect to hear from a manager.

• You can’t use gossip as fact
• You don’t actually know what happened
• You shouldn’t know anything about any disciplinary process that doesn’t involve you or your team
• The business clearly feel they have dealt with the issue
• You haven’t given him a chance, there is no legitimate complaint here at the moment.

What outcome are you looking for, for him to be moved to another team again, for him to be dismissed based on your feeling which is based on gossip?

What are you worried about, that he’ll have another relationship with one of you or your team and carry on in the office?

Irrespective of how he might have behaved, and how the business might have dealt with it, you’re behaving like teenagers. Remember this is work, you’re meant to be professional, you’re meant to be setting the tone for your team. Let him do his job, if he behaves poorly or improperly raise it then, but to raise this in the way you’ve outlined shows poor judgement.

You can all individually raise concerns if you wish; you don't need each other's permission. But your colleague is right, doing so will mark your cards.

Since you don't know the circumstances of the relationship he was disciplined for, I'd give him a chance. He may be a good manager. If it turns out he's a sexist prick who harasses women, that's the point I would complain.

I think you would be seen as being difficult in this situation. Him being a sex pest / being inappropriate you would have a valid point. But I think you'd struggle to show that his previous affair has any direct impact on his ability to do his job and the relationship between you. It's not your job to police other peoples morals unless they affect their job or its something illegal.

OP, as you seem unable to say you are unhappy about this, I would strongly suggest that you keep quiet.

Agree with this. Companies are not morality guardians. Simply having an affair, while gross, isn’t enough to warrant action. Any workplace might require you to work with people you don’t like. That’s not enough to fire them for.

However, given that he wasn't sacked it would appear that that wasn't the case here, so it's irrelevant.

If it was sexual harassment/ sex based bullying then you've every right to be concerned.

We had one guy who did this, he was I think warned once, didn't take heed, then was unceremoniously removed from the building one day. No mention of him again.

That to me is how such things should be dealt with. Not palm them off to another department full of women.

But you do say there's lots of gossip so make sure these past misdemeanours are definitely true.

If none of you want to work with him they'll have to deploy him elsewhere? But there's women everywhere isn't there. In another company he'd still be a risk.

He had an affair with a colleague?
What has that got to do with you and your colleagues? Is it the way it was managed by your company that bothers you?

YABU.

First you shouldn’t know about the grievance and disciplinary - that is a disciplinary in itself. You also don’t know the details or the ins and outs.

Second, the company has evaluated fully and he keeps his job - who are you to now rejudge based on not having any of the facts?

Why does his having an affair (however morally wrong) have any bearing on him being your manager?

You all sound very entitled. You don’t get to dictate who your manager is and having a conversation with HR makes you look VERY junior without details - which they will
ask how you know so are you willing to share and out others?

I guess it depends on your workplace. Op doesn’t have to say she knows what happened - could just let them know the rumours

anyway, regardless of the truth in the matter his card will have been marked

But the concerns are based on gossip. Bringing them up shows you listen to the gossip and are prejudging someone.

If I shared these concerns (and I don’t: my reaction is only to feel sorry for the man’s wife) I would refrain from bringing them up. Taking unsubstantiated gossip to HR or management is not a good look.

Assuming this isn’t the DH with the jam

the issue is that his professional judgement is poor and shagging a direct report suggests he sees women in the workplace differently to men. I’m going to assume he saw his male reports as functioning employees and the attractive female reports as sexual beings

i would mention to HR as I would want it on record that I have concerns that he may treat male and female reports differently. But hope it’s not the case