If you send your child to private school…

To add: absolutely no issue with people sending their kids to private school. But I don't think most of them are doing it because there is no "good, safe" state option.

"Good" and "safe" are doing a lot of work in that sentence. What do those words mean? I think the schools my children go to (state primary and state comprehensive) are "good" and "safe". I think that is also true of most of the similar schools in the surrounding area. 95% of the parents in the catchment areas of both schools, who earn at a similar level to me, either don't think that, or (I suspect more likely) don't consider "good" and "safe" to be sufficient.

Ours went to a private nursery, which was a feeder to a small private school, it cost no more than a normal nursery. It just seemed natural to let them go on to the school with their friends when they were old enough, it wasn't a hugely expensive school and was non selective. It was practically accidental that they went there but they stayed there to GCSE and then went to state for A levels.

i guess it depends on whether you feel school is all about future employment

I have one child at private school.

For us it has so far been worth it. My daughter is thriving, being pushed to the right level academically and supported. She has good friends and is happy. She’s a geek and socially awkward and would have really struggled in a large, mixed sex comprehensive.

But it’s bloody expensive and I have had to make a lot of sacrifices to do it. Its been (and continues to be) a burden for me. I am well paid but I hate my job and have no wiggle room, never go on foreign holidays etc. so I feel quite trapped.

I don’t regret because it’s working for my daughter it but it’s hard to answer the question “is it worth it?” Because I don’t know what the counterfactual is. Would she have been OK in another school? Its impossible to know.

As PPs have said, the question as to whether private school is worth it is too complicated to answer in general terms. It depends on the child and the school.

I couldn’t agree more.

I think some people have a choice of state schools, or a good (or even reasonable) one nearly and assume it’s the same for everyone. Thats not the case.

Private secondary was worth every penny for us, even though it cost more than all our other bills combined.

I think £5k a year is much easier to maintain compared to £30-40k a year though

It is a big deal for us. As I said, we still live in our ‘starter home’ and don’t have annual holidays. Food shops are heavily budgeted. Obviously if we didn’t sent them to private school we could afford a much bigger house and luxurious holidays!

I’d say you know when you cross that line.

When things like the food shop aren’t heavily budgeted things anymore. When you can afford private school like it’s not really a big deal.

I decided it wasn’t worth the extortionate cost of the fees these days for the advantages it gives. I’m putting the money away in a stocks and shares ISA for my child instead as I think having a big lump sum for uni costs, house deposit etc will be of more benefit in the long term.

She might be confusing you with me! I know our salary is well above average.

Many apologies, that was a different poster.
But my point stands. At what point do you become ‘not a normal working person’? Is it simply when your salary exceeds the national average? It’s a genuine question, I’m not trying to be an arse.
Through a combination of luck and hard work (and deliberately choosing industries that pay well!), we both have high salaries. We work, like everyone else. Often 60 hours a week in the case of DH.

Huh?

I don’t have a household income of £135k? 😂

I absolutely agree that all children should have the same opportunities. The state system should be able to provide for every child’s needs and offer a large range of academic subjects and extra curricular activities, but it doesn’t. It doesn’t look to be improving any time soon either, as the current government has already cut funding for things like music, art, classics and STEM.

What age??

that’s crazy.

very rural Scotland here. Issues more with budget cuts and councils. But on the ground the small rural schools are incredible.

my worry is “high school”. Age 12 here.

But primary on a rural basis sits alongside private at this age.

I know we have high salaries, I acknowledged that. Obviously people on the average salary can’t afford private school. But we work, like everyone else. We went to uni, we got on a grad scheme and we worked our way up. We don’t have any family wealth, we don’t live in a big house, we don’t have exotic holidays.
So can ‘normal working people’ only be defined as people who earn the average wage? Because that rules you out, too, with your £135k annual household income.

My DCs went to private school because my parents funded it.
It was the case for a lot of people in their school.

Youre right that, for most people, it’s not possible to pay those fees.
Our area isn’t wealthy so for a lot of people, it worked only by gettimg support or parents really making huge sacrifices to make it work

A combined household income of £170k when the average UK salary is £35k?

Come on.

Worth every penny for us. Our children have loved their schools and they’ve been given opportunities they would never have got at our state options (academically, sporting, and musical). In addition, rightly or wrongly, there tends to be less disruption in private schools because private schools have a greater ability to ask pupils to leave.

Yes, we could have given them the money for a house deposit etc instead, but an excellent education is worth more than that in my view. There’s a saying “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime”. Hopefully an excellent education has provided a great foundation for them leading a fulfilling life.

I will caveat this by saying that not every private school is worth the money in my opinion. There are definitely some where I would choose the state option instead. It’s probably only worth the cost if you can find a school which suits your child. We researched schools a lot to make sure that our choices were the right ones.

What about my scenario below makes us ‘not normal working people’? Genuinely interested. We both work full time, have done since leaving uni (bar my mat leaves). DH earns approx £90k, I earn approx £80k. We both chose to work in high paying industries, but I don’t see how that makes us not ‘normal working people’?

We did private secondary (boarding) from y7. DD passed for the local grammar but it was a large school and the private school offered different opportunities. She didn’t really have any school friends going to the grammar so we thought a new start would be better. Fees were £30,000 plus when she left after A levels in 2010.

DD enjoyed drama, music and lots of other clubs and activities. Not a huge fan of sports but the drama was fantastic. Not all teachers were brilliant but some were. And had fun though and is still very close to her school friends.

DD2 went to a prep in y4 then boarded. The fees for 6th form ended up at £33,000 in 2013. She loved art and the school she went to was superb for that. Both my DDs are now self employed. One is a barrister and one an interior designer. They think it was worth it and both would like any dc in private education. DH was self employed and ran a SME in engineering consultancy. So very much working, employing lots of people and paying lots of tax. No help with fees from anyone else and we didn’t go without anything.

I did after the dcs started secondary school in a state school.
Best choice I could have made

It has nothing to do with opportunities after school, networking agd what not. The school they went to isn’t that kind is school. It’s closer to a grammar school in an area where there is grammar school.

But it meant dc1 wasn’t bullied anymore for being ‘a nerd’
dc2 got a support he would never have had. Starting from the fact he was seen and noticed despite being the quiet child who never talked, created problem etc…. (The school rang me within a week Wonderimg if he was ok because he was so quiet….)
Plus opportunities in doing lots of activities, in particular lots of stuff that pushed them to be independent, take decisions etc…. which has been particularly important for dc2.

My eldest got a scholarship (and an associated bursary) to an extremely expensive private school. My middle child starts there next term also. It’s so so worth it. It’s respectful, engaging, small classes, they’re always outside. Half the time the kids don’t realise they’re in a lesson because the teachers take them into the natural environment to learn geography, or to local sites to learn history. Our local high schools are really bad and definitely not right for our ND child. We are definitely the poor family (and we earn 6 figures between us so very far from poor) but it has never been ackowledged by kids or parents.

State education is on its knees

that's what's so sad...all schools should be able to offer the basic extra-curricular stuff that private schools have as standard, like music lessons and art classes. Our two local state options offered neither of these, and one of them had behaviour issues so bad it's in their Ofsted report.

Normal working people don’t make enough that they have an entire salary going spare every year.