If you send your child to private school…

again, a builder and a hairdresser having been to a private school isn’t any kind of gotcha of failure - both productive members of society.

i went to an excellent state school, i couldn’t believe the huge variation by the time my children went in a different area. From one child per class having issues to almost 1/3 of the class clearly being in a setting where they’re being taught to cope with daily stress.

We would do it all again in a heartbeat. Both our boys briefly attended our village state school and it was a complete disaster. Continuing in the state system wasn’t an option for my elder son (this is fact not opinion). My younger one would have managed but probably not thrived, and I don’t mean this from a grades perspective. We are not remotely well off; he has two scholarships and DH works there. I must add though that it’s that particular school that works well for DS2. I certainly don’t believe that any private school would meet his needs and any state school wouldn’t.

Can you define ‘not good’. Roughly percentage get English and maths GCSE?

That doesn’t seem to be the case at the school mine go to (not yet anyway). It’s academically selective, so they have to be achieving well to be offered a place. The cohort seems to be mainly children who have gone to the prep, who are wealthy enough that the VAT increase doesn’t really matter, children who have parents working at one of the schools in the foundation and therefore have cheaper fees, children who are especially gifted in certain areas and therefore have scholarships (mine are on scholarships), and also girls (it’s a girl’s school) who are ‘high functioning’ ND and were perhaps struggling socially at their state schools.

DS started at a private pre prep but they only wanted cookie cutter children and his AuDHD means he is not like that. They told us he’d be expelled if he stayed there, so he is at a state primary. I am sad that the sport/art/music we’d hoped for him is totally absent from the school, but it is much more empathetic and he is making good progress.
DD will go to a different private pre prep. Her brother is a big personality and if they’re at the same small school she won’t have space to be herself.
There are a lot of options in our city.

Our DS is just about to finish private school after 13 years. We think it was worth every penny. The local state school is not good at all, and hasn’t improved, but got worse in the last few years. If we have had more than one we wouldn’t have been able to afford the fees.

I had thought that the cohort of people paying for private school may have changed a bit since VAT. The only people I know choosing to privately educate are those whose kids are not achieving very well in state.

True.

’achievement is bad’ was a thing when I was at school. Still can’t quite get my head around why people would think this way!

Some children’s needs can’t be met in state schools.

Similar! Our house was 400k (southeast, it is tiny!), houses in the overlap of the excellent state primary and secondary are well above the 1.5 million mark, most well above 2 million with the running costs to match ….. completely out of reach.

Definitely worth it. My previously lazy 14 year old decided to study for 5 hours a day at half term whilst on holiday, for internal school exams.
Why ? Because of peer pressure and school culture . He has a great bunch of friends who are good kids and work hard. They have exceptional inspiring teachers.

Like Kier Starmer who goes on about how his children went to state school, without mentioning that the average house price in the particular school’s catchment is £1.2m.
Mine are at independent school, but we paid £295k for our house!

I’ve looked back over the thread and can’t see anyone who has said that children in state schools don’t achieve anything? Many children in our local state secondary achieve perfectly well, and I’m sure my children would have done too if they’d gone there, as they’re both very bright. Academic achievement wasn’t even a factor in why we decided to send them to an independent school.

Not nothing, but many achieve substantially less than they could and/or their mental health takes a nose dive. I don’t think that is ok.

And for us, private school times two is substantially cheaper than the houses in catchment of the two decent state options (primary and secondary schools). You need to be proper rich to afford these!

I’m always fascinated by threads like this where a significant number of posters seem to believe that more than 90% of the nation’s children achieve nothing…..

Really sad to read all these awful accounts of how terrible the state options are for people. Must be geographic as this has not been our experience at all. Dd2 is year 12 now so coming out the other side and both have excellent grades (dd1 at a RG) lovely friends had some brilliant teachers and hobbies albeit sport out of scuool. Hard work was the culture the kids want to achieve. Just trying to counter balance the state school hate not all are “sink schools” full of knife wielding ferals.

Our 2 are in private. The first since the age of 3 as he has SEN, the local provision was completely inappropriate and he was in severe distress. The private (20 miles away) had excellent SEN provision. He is doing GCSEs now. It was perfect for him, and he is probably going to pass his GCSes and because it is not a selective school will go onto A levels at the same school. We are essentially paying for his peace of mind, the support and pastoral care and the hope he will get through schooling intact.

DS2 is a different child altogether. He has a bursary to the school so the actual cost to us in minimal, but he would be fine in a state school we think.

Moved my eldest to private in year 9 after 2 years of horrendous bullying and social isolation at the local state school. Youngest then started at the same private school in year 7. Absolutely zero regrets, even though I’ve had to extend and increase my mortgage and I’m probably going to be working long past many of my state school parent friends retire.

I’m not paying for exam results or for a career path. I’m paying for the emotional security my daughter now has and the confidence she has rebuilt. She is thriving, happy and well-liked. She believes in herself again. I feel very very fortunate to have been able to afford this solution. I know many don’t.

Around 40 % the parents in my child’s private schools (2 kids, 2 different schools) are state school teachers….
Listening to them (and to parents who left after VAT), the teachers are good in both schools, but

• classes of 35 vs 15-20
• no TAs, no support
• all effort (with the nonexistent resources, so it isn’t a lot) is put to get kids to “as expected”, kids who achieve are ignored, consequently bored to tears, and stop achieving
• a culture of “achievement is bad” among kids
• no support whatsoever for neurodivergent kids
• more behaviour management than teaching
• bullying is ignored (not enough teachers to do anything)

Our experiences were the same. The teachers are great, but they have no chance of doing their job

Yes definitely worth it. My children have been in private school since they were 3 and honestly there hasn't been one day they haven't wanted to go.

Classes are around 12 children, teachers are available to talk to about any lessons or elements they struggle with up until 7pm Monday to Friday, the students just book to meet with them as needed.

They have been exposed to so many different sports and are taught healthy competition. They have opportunities to do so many extra curriculum activities I don't know where to start going through them.

Their confidence is a brilliant, they've been taught kindness and equality to a really good degree.

For gcses they can choose how many they wish to study towards from 9 minimum to 12 maximum.

Facilities are superb, they have so much space and are provided with so much responsibility.

It is unmatched I believe in state provision.

State schools vary enormously. Private schools vary even more as they are designed to cater for different needs, often ones that are not being provided for by the state. The majority of private schools are special schools. Some private schools are very academically selective but most aren't. Many private schools have very international cohorts with a high number of children who move schools as their parents move jobs around the world.

Some state schools are very academically selective but some aren't. Some of them have quite a diverse student body but an awful lot don't . I used to work in a secondary school that was all girls from a small catchment area. 98% were the same ethnicity and the same religion and probably from the same socio economic background. They were very nice but I don't see how they would relate to a wide range of people. My village state primary was 100% white and obviously all the children were from my village. I came from an international private school in South America and was a total fish out of water. The state secondary school in my local town had a very similar cohort.

Name changed for this. I am a teacher in a state school but sent my children to private school from year 7 and 8 and have zero regrets. So many state schools simply aren’t good enough and are letting children down. Between being a teacher myself and my oldest child attending a state secondary for a year, I had seen enough to know that I was gambling with their futures to send them to that state secondary. Oldest started a great private school in year 8 and youngest in year 7.

The smaller class sizes, huge number of extra curricular activities, community feel and the excellent pastoral care really benefitted our children. Both children are academic, but it was definitely more about their happiness and safety. They both had such a happy secondary school experience there.

So many children don’t achieve their potential at state schools due to lack of resources, opportunities, unsafe environment and sadly through mixing with children whose parents at best don’t encourage them and at worst teach them to disrespect their school and the consequences for staff and students of that.

My advice is that if you can afford private school, find a good one that suits your child and send them.

Not UK but very good local state schools. We wanted to send our DC to private school because she is profoundly gifted - the state school approach is to accelerate kids but our DC struggles with social/emotional and the gifted private schools offer a stronger focus for this alongside developmentally appropriate academics. While we want DD to be able to get along with everyone, she IS significantly different from her classmates and can struggle to make deep connections. In the end, she did not get a place (less than 10% acceptance rates for primary!) and is at our local school. The social emotional support has been really strong but academics are going to be a problem in a year or two. If her school didn’t have such unusually good special ed, we would probably continue trying for private school. I wouldn’t have any regrets about the cost but it also wouldn’t be a huge burden. We will certainly consider it for her next school transition. If we were in the UK, based on what I have heard about the insanely large class sizes and extremely poor SEN provision, no way would we be doing state school.

Worth it so far - DS 5 has ASD and benefits from smaller class sizes, inclusive environment, greater pastoral care better resources - on site occupational therapist and psychologist. Campus is amazing goes all the way to 18 - 9 sport halls, arts centre, stem centre, outdoor amphitheatre, it's own forest, amazing community atmosphere. Over 100 extra curricular activities. Worth every penny so far.