If you send your child to private school…

If I had the money I would, DS has a high IQ but also ADHD/autistic traits because he isn't failing he isn't getting support at school so he really isn't hitting his potential, smaller classes and more responsive teaching would massively help him. When I was pregnant we could've just afforded it if we tightened our belts and looked at doing y3 onwards, yet despite promotions and earning a decent joint income, the cost has gone up so much it's no longer feasible

This matters to us too. Both DH and I went to schools near where we lived and having a lot of friends nearby was a major part of what made our childhoods so good.

From playing on our bikes in the street through walking to a friend a street over when just old enough to, through to hanging out watching rented videos as teens and then on to our first drinks and parties before splitting up to go to university, having local friends was key to our experience.

My neurodivergent DD attends a very small independent school with an academic scholarship and a huge bursary. She really struggles to regulate herself in crowds/noisy places and needs a very strict routine to thrive. Her school manages to support her with this and therefore she is actually learning, flourishing and flying academically. She would struggle to attend a bigger school (state or independent) and would certainly not be able to learn in a busy environment. I am very very thankful I had the ability to access the support from school and the financial assistance they give us. I genuinely believe it’s the difference, in her case, between her becoming a functioning member of society or being locked in at home with few prospects by supporting her to develop real life coping skills in her own time.

Do I wish she could access this “for free”? Of course - I quite literally count every penny. Does my heart break at the thought of all the other kids whose needs are similar who don’t have this opportunity? Of course. But I wasn’t going to sit around and let that happen whilst I have the ability to do something more for her own particular needs. So my car has done over 120,000 miles, I’m currently downsizing our home massively to be able to afford the fees (albeit reduced fees but still ££££’s)and am so thankful I have the ability to do so. I think the best gift I can give her are the choices a decent education offers, and I’m not going to penalise her by accepting a system that does not work for so many children. The education system in this country is an absolute disgrace, our current government seem to be hellbent on making it even worse. A decent education is the basis of a well functioning society and the UK is failing at this.

Yes you’re right. But it does make me worry for the future that a child, especially a boy, is being raised in a family with this attitude. My point wasn’t so much that I want violence as that teaching him a lesson that he is not superior will probably have to be done outside the family - and likely not meted out with kindness. That poster sounds a dreadful parent.

I think when people compare they look at the cost and what they get out of it. Is the academics going to ensure their child becomes successful one day.
For me private schools are just so much more than that. A child’s education is the entire package- whether they feel seen and heard, not just a number in the queue, the types of children who are their peers and have a hand in shaping their life too, the parents and they types of people they are, the teachers, the entire community that the school encourages and supports.
Your child should go to school absolutely loving it. You should be able to have a good relationship with your kids teachers.

We pay around £65k for our two for very selective London schools and it’s absolutely worth it. The teachers have been there for decades and even taught parents and now teaching their kids! I can speak to my kids teacher at any time and ask anything. The children are lovely, very against bullying. Parents are very involved. So many extra curricular activities, always having someone inspirational in to give talks. Your child’s teacher knows them SO well, almost as good as you. The head teacher takes a class as well so gets to know all the kids so well. I could go on and on.

I was state educated and I still was able to have a great career BUT school was just school to me. Nothing stood out. Every day when I do school drop off I really take a second to think what an amazing opportunity my kids have. My kids do love going to school so much and not just because they have to.

We sent our DD to an Independent school for Secondary. She has SEND, which isn't 'severe' enough for a specialist setting but when we looked round our local mainstream state secondary schools it was very clear that she wouldn't be able to cope in those environments. I thought I was going to have to quit my job to Home Educate her. Then I met a couple who had a DD with a very similar SEND profile, wasn't coping in a mainstream state secondary school so they moved her to a small, local independent school for Year 8 and said it was the best decision they had ever made. We went to look round and although I was initially sceptical, it was clear that this was the ideal environment for our DD. Small, calm, very few behaviour issues, 10-14 kids in a class and a strong emphasis on finding and nurturing each child's individual strengths/passions rather than putting them under pressure to achieve top results.
DD is about to finish Year 7 and has absolutely thrived, academically and socially. She still has her struggles, of course and always will, but her confidence has grown significantly, and our home life is much calmer as we're no longer dealing with daily afterschool meltdowns and a battle to get her in each morning. Any support or reasonable adjustments we have asked for have been put in place immediately and communication is excellent. DD has benefited from so many amazing trips, events and extracurricular opportunities that we never thought she would be able to access, because the support is there to enable her to do so. The financial commitment is huge, and we're lucky that it's even an option, but there's no doubt in my mind that for us it's worth every penny.

Ensuring your teen has a stunted adolescence and no social life to avoid drugs is rather throwing the baby out with the bathwater!

You educate them and are vigilant - not keep them at home in front of a computer.

I agree that it was a disgusting attitude, but I don’t think wishing violence on the child is a great response. Maybe wish the violence on the poster who actually said it?

Lucky to have an excellent state school where both my children are thriving. It totally depends on if you have this option, and i do realise we are very very lucky in this regard.

We have twins, the one with sen needs ended up leaving well sought after grammar school to move to a local / less facilities private school due to needing smaller class sizes. People say sen kids should go to gov schools but I can't see any government schools ever going to offer smaller class sizes!

In theory I don't think her education was better - in fact my sons at local free grammar was better - but she would not have been able to cope in the large school so I do believe going private meant she got an education.

The bit that irks is its not just the money we paid for the education - its also that it meant we paid less off our mortage so I often look at the mortgage thinking we have paid XX much more in interest that we would have saved if we had not needed to send her private

What the fuck is this!?

Well my kids are 13 and 11 and won’t even listen to the new Olivia Rodrigo album until the ‘clean’ versions of the songs are released because they don’t like swearing, so it’s not actually something we’ve encountered yet. We’re also skint after paying school fees so their pocket money certainly doesn’t stretch to the purchasing of drugs.
They see their school friends plenty though, which is the point I was making.

You responded to a poster who said private kids had more freedom and tried more drugs than state

There is a lot of things we don’t need, but that are very good for us. None of us needs holidays, more than a basic supply of food, more than 3 sets of clothes. All things that make life a lot more enjoyable though. Children should be able to enjoy school, explore their capabilities, be able to make informed decisions, and choose a career that suits them, no matter if it is being a builder, a lawyer, a nurse, …..
Private school is not about a specific career - somebody who wants to become a builder can still enjoy books, sports, science, …. Education is a lot more than gcse results

What about drugs?

And drugs?

The school actively refused to meet the needs of my disabled child as detailed in his EHCP, to the extent that he came to harm. They accused me of lying and paranoia. His needs became impossible to meet in any state school.

The private school could provide small quiet classes and properly resourced SEN provision until the LA agreed to fund a special school place for him. Just our experience of two different schools.

As has been pointed out many times upthread, many of us don’t use private education as a means to pay for a particular career.
If my privately educated children want to be builders (I doubt it, they’re both dyspraxia and I’d genuinely fear for anyone entering a building they’d had a hand in creating) then excellent. It’s a career that is AI proof and will always be needed.

Nobody says they don’t want to…. It’s not lack of teacher quality, engagement or ambition. There is an alarming lack of resources that starts in primary - kids staying on their level has to be good enough. Crumbling buildings and huge class sizes make that hard enough!
Progress 8 for our closes local state school is negative, so definitely not a great school. No particularly deprived population, the usual mix.
Progress 8 for the other one is just about positive, but when you dig in, their results are just above national average, mainly due to slightly less fails, but also a lot less exceptional results (gcse grades 7 and above). Not bad for a child who just needs some academic help to pass gcse, but not good at all for a child who could achieve so much more. The primary schools feeding into are also around national average with a strong focus on helping kids to “meeting expectations”, but nit much beyond that (that is hearsay, I don’t have data), so not a lot of children are predicted higher grades. It becomes a vicious cycle.
These kids are just as clever as the kids in private, the teachers are just as good. The difference is the environment- and that is before looking at mental health and wellbeing.

A great career that doesn't need a private efucation

Kind of yes.

Surely that poster is confident in their choice, hence explaining their reasons why? As have many of us on this thread.
many parents have lost confidence in state schools - you see many posts on here saying that exact sentiment.
if parents take their children out of the state system due to that loss of confidence, that’s their choice.

DHs non negotiable was living near school. He had a miserable bus commute to his school with unpleasant incidents on a long unsupervised bus trip - lord of the flies. So where we bought our house was dependent on proximity of decent schools so our kids could walk there and easily see their friends.

You want to send your children to private school, you crack on. But why do you need to justify your choices (you generic, not you specific) by disparaging state schools, state school teachers and state school pupils? You’ve made your choice-be confident in it!