If you send your child to private school…

I’m also a researcher. I think your gloss of the literature is a bit biased - all educational attainment is ‘hugely dependent on child and school’, whether state or private. If you had a state school with the same intake demographic and level of parental buy in that an elite private school has, there’s no evidence the children’s attainment would massively differ in most cases. I don’t really believe in the idea of a good or bad school (though individual schools can have bad practices, policies, conditions etc.) The concept of ‘the best school in the world’ isn’t really helpful, because how do you really establish that? As you say, it’s dependent on child - but also on the wider culture and ideology that they exist within. You will also find that certain types of schools often considered ‘good’ by middle class parents have the kinds of rules and discipline that effectively bar access to children with neurological differences or with high ACE scores etc.

This is kind of right (researcher here). Nothing is as strong as parental involvement and a stable home life are massive influences. The best school in the world will struggle if these two aren’t provided. And both state and private schools have kids who lack one or both.
However, among children with both things get interesting. And “thrive” can be measured in a million different ways as well (academically? Emotionally? …)
So yes, there are children who thrive in state (hugely dependent on school and child), and some who can only thrive in private (again, school and child dependent). However, most studies do not go into enough details to measure the differences.
Same for example for class sizes. Quite often, small class sizes are only present for disruptive or challenging groups - so if you correlate this to results, you might even see that class sizes correlates negative to achievement. Correlation and causation are two very different things, and in reality there are few studies who go into enough details….

I have one DC at State. In hindsight his state primary wasn't great but he is getting on so well at secondary. I'm sure he'd have more opportunities at private school but really couldn't be happier with what he does have on offer, with the exception of sport which I would say is fairly weak.

I have another DC at a very small non selective non academic private, the small classes and additional support they are able to give children is great and they have a totally different way of learning. But the facilities are not great and again sport is fairly weak.

If I had a child who naturally excelled at sport, drama, music or academics I'd be tempted to send them to a private specializing in their area of interest.

We did. Only child but still a financial stretch. The school introduced the child to the instrument he’s now starting out making a career on. So that’s the biggest pro! Was pretty pivotal.

I have always found this hard to believe.

You wouldn’t expect an adult to work in a *challenging/toxic environment and expect them to be successful, maximise their potential and have a wonderful experience just because they have a stable marriage and comfortable home. I say this irrespective of whether it is a private or state school,

(*obviously not referring to those that do work in these environments by the nature of their jobs!).

For our children British State schools were shocking and both we tried were ‘outstanding’z. I’m not sure people that haven’t seen other systems truly get how terrible the provision really is. The UK has serious issues it needs to face. We are now just above the GDP per person of America’s poorest state, Mississippi. There are very few jobs for graduates and when they do find them the salaries are shockingly low compared to other western countries. If our kids didn’t hold multiple passports I’m not sure I would have invested in private school. I’d probably have put the money into investment funds for them. I don’t think any of our children will stay in the UK to start their careers. Accessing mediocre healthcare is now increasingly difficult. The NHS spends more in settling maternity lawsuits than it does on actual maternity care. It’s all fairly damning. It’s not a place for the young to start out.

The research actually shows that the kids who thrive at state schools are the same as those who thrive at private schools - children with stable home lives and parents who offer a rich, loving, stimulating and supportive environment. That by far outstrips any difference of attainment that paying or not for school offers.

Our home postcode counts for contextual offers for state school students from many different universities…. so yes, I do live in one of these places.

There are some thugs in our local state school; knives being brought in, teachers insulted and menaced, students bullied and menaced. But one shouldn't talk about that because it's classicism? Keep burying your head under the sand but it's your child that suffers (perhaps in silence) because of your pc opinions. If you're not lucky to live next to an exeptional state school but then surely you must realise that it doesn't look the same all over the country.

That is probably the biggest misconception.
Yes, many kids thrive at state schools, but it has nothing to do with being bright.
Kids who fit the mould often thrive at state school. Kids who are even a little bit different- good luck.
For my clever (predicted gcse 7/8 across the board) but anxious ASD son, it was a diseaster. He can’t deal with the chaotic and loud environment and huge classes (35+ kids). He needs a disciplined and calm environment.
For my gifted youngest - similar (yes, we have the paperwork, he is profoundly gifted). He was bored to tears, and then became the class clown. He needs stretching way beyond “more of the same”. And that’s before we are talking about the incessant bullying over “non-masculine “ hobbies……

And yet they do! Areas of social deprivation still have hospitals, law firms, universities, big industries requiring highly specialised skills etc - they employ people and pay them a salary that goes a long way in areas where housing/living costs tend to be low. Meanwhile, the local state schools here sit at the bottom of league tables for GCSE results.

We could all up and leave so the area doesn't have educated professionals manning important local services/industries. But, instead, some move further out to the nicer countryside, where they pay more for housing and get better state schools but have a lengthy commute. Others of us choose to live closer to where we work and pay for private education.

In a perfect world, the local state schools would improve (and to be fair the local state primaries are very good, it is 11+ where the problems arise). I hoped that would be the case by the time my DS got to 11. But, by that time, there had been no obvious improvement in the local state provision. They had become more limited in their resources and opportunities available, with even bigger class sizes. The private school was the only school in the area offering the options that I had been fortunate to have in a state school in another area of the country. So, it wasn't state vs private - it was which school offers what we want for our child. We're lucky enough to be able to make that choice because we earn the money to pay for it.

Bright, academic kids also thrive at state school

Yes for our child. They are very academic and love sports. At a very selective school with lots of sports opportunities and loving it, no longer bored especially in maths. Offered a grammar place but much more rounded focus in the school they chose and are at, and would have been single sex which we were not keen on.

Completely depends on the child and the school options though. Whether state or private either could be the best option in different circumstances. We visited and applied to equal numbers of both.

There are the more druggy sets at any type of school. You just have to try and influence your child not to be in that group. Ideally not by keeping them under house arrest for their teenage years though like a pp! This can actually backfire as when they get freedom at 18 they can be unsafe as they’ve never learned how to socialise safely.

@XelaM
Absolutely not worth it. It's a total con in my view.
My daughter has been in private education since reception (now in Y11 doing her GCSEs

Are you sending her to state school for her A levels?

Yes that’s true.

My two go - i would do the same again if i had to choose - the school works for both of them and they are thriving. I would hope when they have children, they also do the same.

My post stated that the children I knew in private school tried more drugs than the friends I had who went to state school.

not that every kid who goes to private school is handed a bag of cocaine on passing the entrance exam!

that was my experience. It also hadn’t stopped me sending my children to private school

I have 2 in a prep school, it’s crippling us financially and we literally watch every penny, but I still believe it’s been worth it.

They’re bright kids who were getting overlooked in their state primary schools, and now they’re able to work at their academic level because they’re in smaller classes and the school doesn’t have an issue with kids being high achievers. A teacher at their previous state primary told me that in years gone by they would have moved them up a year so they could work at their level, but they don’t do that kind of thing anymore.

They’re also now in a catchment to one of the best schools in the country - so the sacrifice is worth it for us.

Yes it has been worth it. Our child is bright and an all rounder. Feel lucky and grateful to be in the position to send her. Feel this school really challenges her, class sizes are small and discipline is good.
I was worried she would get lost in the mix at a big state school.

In my personal experience it's still true that private school pupils are more likely to take drugs.

When I was a teenager, it was true that private school kids were more likely to take drugs-because generally they had more money. Sadly, drugs have got much cheaper now-so much more egalitarian.

Maybe no one should wish violence on anyone

The thing is though, there are lots of things that dictate where you live. Sadly we had to be as close to my vulnerable parent as possible, and we also had to consider accessibility to my disabled son’s SEN school (and my ongoing commute). I’d rather my kids didn’t have to get a bus to secondary school, but that’s just the way it’s worked out. Thankfully they still have their primary school friends close by and see them all the time, and I ferry them around a lot to see their secondary school friends.