If you send your child to private school…

Yes but even £12k a year in purely disposable income is a hell of a luxury. The average cost is £19,000 a year.

We moved one child a year ago as her state primary was failing her due to the poor behaviour endemic in her class. It was the best move we made. It’s expensive but I can see what I’m getting for the money and the main thing is a calm environment with specialist teachers. She benefits from all the extra curricula and sport provision but the safe and nurturing environment alone is worth the cash in my view.

I haven’t moved my other one yet and have a real dilemma about what to do.

My DD is 25 now, but fees were about £12k a year - London day school. Fees have increased massively since DD was at school.

Just to be clear, when I say it’s about choices I obviously don’t mean that if everyone had a low mortgage and no holidays they’d be able to afford private school. I just mean that with our household income we could afford a much bigger house and lots of nice holidays/a snazzy car etc, but instead we personally choose to spend it on schooling.

Yes 100% over and over. Would rather sell my soul than my children go to our local state.

I’m in Scotland. Violence is absolutely rife as the government has banned permanent exclusion at the same time as mainstreaming as many kids as possible. We live in the catchment of one of the top schools in the country and it’s appalling for violence..

They can’t be. My DP and I have a combined household income of 135k and we couldn’t do it at all. Just out of the question. So either these people earn huge salaries and have low outgoings or they get help from grandparents or an inheritance/remortgage. You’d have to be netting about 10-12k a month for 5k on fees not to be an issue.

Best investment ever. Our child is happy, well balanced and now ambitious for the future. It's been the making of him.

In the state sector he was anxious, depressed and shutting down.

I would make the same choice again in a heartbeat. Worth every penny.

People are saying it depends on how good the state school is but honestly I think it’s just as relevant what you will be giving up by committing to those huge fees. If you scale down holidays a bit but can maintain a wealthy lifestyle, great. If it is a huge financial struggle and you have to do without lots of other things, probably not.

We looked at moving for a better secondary for my daughters but 1) my disabled son is in a lovely specialist SEN school after 3 years of fighting for it and 2) I care for my elderly mother (and am all she has after my brother was murdered) so moving wasn’t really an option. We still live in the first house we bought so our mortgage is very low, and we don’t have holidays etc, which is the only way we can afford it. Like you say, it’s choices. People generally try to do the best they can with what they’ve got.

We are nearing the end of our private school journey, relatively speaking. One through (went from age 6) and one with 5 years left (10 years in). I’d do it again and again and again in a heartbeat.

I teach in a state school and its fine. Kids do well there. Depends massively on the school though.

If you can afford it then private offers so many more opportunities.

But... saying that, we get lots of Y12 students at our state school as either the private school doesn't offer the subject they want or as 6th forms don't tend to have naughty kids in class there are fewer advantages of private school. The state school Y12 pupils are so much better prepared for A Level though. They have been in bigger classes rooms and not many had tutors so have learned to do battle with the work on their own. The private students have been so heavily spoon fed for GCSE that A Level is a shock for them and they struggle.

For me it’s about the opportunity cost. If you invested £20k into a stocks & shares ISA for seven years instead of paying school fees, and left it invested for a further seven years until DC was 25, the pot would be worth around £250k at an average annual growth rate of 6%. That’s a really good first home deposit in London or the south east.

I can’t afford to do both school fees and the generous house deposit, so I’m hoping I can make state schools work for my DC.

I have a friend who went to a prestigious private school. She is now late 40s and has never worked in her life. Relies on family money. Not great wealth, her parents both worked really hard to pay the fees and continue to support her. I've often wondered if her parents regret paying for schooling.

It’s often a choice though, rather than a privilege, many people will choose a smaller house, or less nice one in exchange for being close to a good school.

Having said that, we have brilliant state schools next to us but are the only people in our street using them.

I don’t regret a penny.

The breadth of opportunity, range of subjects and sports, the quiet confidence and most importantly happiness, are all excellent.

Totally agree with a PP that the answer entirely depends on how good your local state school is. I think a lot of people look at their small primary child and think they couldn’t possibly cope with the the massive state school down the road where runout has it pupils run amok and bullying is rife 😀 they come into mumsnet and read the same - - State schools are hellish places that aren’t fit for any child. Now obviously some are but many are great places with super engaged teachers, loads of extra curricular activities and heaps of trips. Ours is pretty run of the mill average comp in an average area and it has been great for my kids who have thrived there. We did do private primary for one and would not bother again. I’m pleased to have saved the money and spent it on other stuff and saved for the kids futures. BUT we are lucky that we have a good school on our doorstep. I agree that that is the luckiest position to be in - not having to fork out 2-300k for an average private because your local state is crap. So I do feel for those who have no choice (or feel they have no choice),

I have two in secondary school (currently £22k each year per child). Both went to a local village state primary school.

I think the question of what it’s worth is highly subjective. Both my children are very academic (both were greater depth across all indices when they left primary and both got academic scholarships). They achieved that strong basis through the state system, and had they gone to state secondary, I still think they would have done well. They might not have got quite as good GCSE grades as they are both on track to get now (both predicted all 7-9 grades across all subjects), but I don’t think top grades mean everything tbh.

I toyed with the benefits of simply saving the money for their futures, and I can still see the benefits that that option could have afforded them. What I think I am paying for though, and why I think it is still worth it, is the following…
(a) the best opportunity I can provide for them to achieve their academic potential (small classes, good resources, happy teachers, a peer group that is (typically) pretty bright, invested, and not disruptive, etc.)
(b) A broader range of extra curricular activities, sports and trips. (My children are very into sport, which I appreciate could also be sought outside school, but I do find that their school gives them a lovely intro into most sports and depth where they want to focus)
(c) the best chances I feel I can give them to enjoy education for education’s sake (for example, they both studied four languages until year 9, including Latin, which they both enjoyed, even though they have both chosen to pursue only one language at GCSE)
(d) Teachers who have the time to be very engaged with parents and who are able to invest time and resources in children’s bespoke strengths, interests and needs
(e) the best chances I feel I can give them to have the skills and confidence to launch themselves in the world independently. Of course this is also possible at state school, and of course only time will tell if investing in property would actually have served them better in the long run. It’s a gamble. But as far as gambles go, I feel investing in their education, skills and experiences is probably a good one.

I would like to add that I am not at all naive to the fact though that some of their primary friends who went to the local state secondary are also predicted to do very well. My children are still very good friends with a lot of their primary school friends, so I see them and their families a lot. I also find the balance that their mixed friendship groups offers them to be a huge asset for them, and I hope those friendships will last into adulthood.

It's mostly the small class sizes and the extra attention each child gets due to their being fewer of them. More opportunities to speak in public (fewer kids in each school play etc), leading to greater confidence. Generally parents with higher expectations and fewer discipline issues. Fewer kids skipping school and more supervision and dedication to making sure they work.

Equally you do need a good private school and there are definitely good and bad ones.

Potentially - but then to have grandparents who can afford that much in retirement again points to the families being wealthy. It’s such a different world.

id say at least half of people going at there cause the grandparents are paying.

Yes, I agree. I really wish we’d had a decent state option, but we didn’t.

Worth every penny for us.

We have 2 dds in a prep school. They're very happy there and learning well, so we think it's worth it. Our local state schools are OK but if we hadn't gone private we would have move to get into a sought-after primary, so comparing it to our local options isn't really relevant. But the best primary schools would still have class sizes twice as big, with no specialist teaching, no specific 11+ prep and not as much sports and arts. The cost of private school hasn't affected what kind of other spending we do, we still do the kind of holidays we like and live in the kind of house we want, and we are still able to put money away for our dc's future.

This is the thing that baffles me. These schools cost more yearly than some people’s annual wages. More than some household’s entire income.

And they claim to be normal working people