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Original poster

I need the most annoying toy for a 5 year old

263 replies

IrritatingToy · 11/06/2026 17:56

My sister and I are in a war of annoying toys, she bought my 3 year old a set of mini bagpipes.. I need the most annoying but equally awesome for the child at 5 years old. I want something that she’s going to despise and he’s going to love. Budget about £100. I’m not unreasonable but she was to buy mine bloody bagpipes!!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
18
shellyleppard · 11/06/2026 18:27

Drum kit and a recorder 🪈 😁😁

Overtheatlantic · 11/06/2026 18:26

A karaoke machine

Muffsies · 11/06/2026 18:26

SometimesTheIntrusiveThoughtsWin · 11/06/2026 18:09

Glitter. Boppit. Violin. Nerf guns. Sharpies.

My nephew has a nerf gun that's an automatic machine gun with a magazine of hundreds of foam bullets. He's been around my house with it, the kids LOVE it, but the bullets get bloody everwhere and they have to all be collected and loaded back in the magazine... and it does sort of condone violence. It's not a realistic gun by any means, it's not in the glorifying war territory, but it's adversarial and whips the kids up into a frenzy.

CoverLikelyZebra · 11/06/2026 18:26

Sorry it's nowhere near your £100 budget but the most irritating child toy I have encountered was a Transformer Pteranadon that transformed into I think a helicopter or similar. The awful thing was that it had no off-switch and the batteries weren't user-accessible, and it was activated by the slightest movement near it, and would also randomly attract attention when you haven't played with it for a while, with a cycle of "fun" phrases and roars, it was so awful, unbearable to hear, but DS loved it. Middle of the night, checking if DS was asleep, it would detect me and yell "I'm Pteranodon! Let's PLAY!". Eventually its batteries ran out and then it was silent and that was OK. The item that comes up if you google for it now doesn't look the same, and does appear to have an off-switch, so sadly won't be nearly so irritating.

Shoola · 11/06/2026 18:25

Those shoes that light up and make a make a squeaking sound with every step they take. A child had them on in the British museum the other day. Great fun! And no risk of losing him.

Cocktailsandcheese · 11/06/2026 18:25

Surely a drum set is the way to go?! With a recorder if you have any spare change

I agree that the VTech website should give you a few great ideas

Cheesecakeismeesecake · 11/06/2026 18:22

ThaneOfGlamis · 11/06/2026 18:20

A tonie box which only plays recordings of your child on the bagpipes.

Hahaha! Actually laughed out loud at that one.

I love this thread

ThaneOfGlamis · 11/06/2026 18:20

A tonie box which only plays recordings of your child on the bagpipes.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 11/06/2026 18:18

Lots of whoopee cushions.

franksmama · 11/06/2026 18:18

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZNRcMQJp5/

Here it is in action! This is the snail version, but the crab is exactly the same, only worse because the pincers fall off 🫩

franksmama · 11/06/2026 18:15

My DS has the most annoying whistling crab toy. It whizzes around on the floor with flashing disco lights, whistling something that sounds a bit like The Lonely Goatherd. The tune repeats about every ten seconds 😵‍💫

It’ll set you back £10 on Amazon or I’ll post you the fucking thing for free

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 11/06/2026 18:15

Or a remote controlled fart machine.

CrowMate · 11/06/2026 18:15

You could just give them 2 litres of coke and a pack of mentos?

IPM · 11/06/2026 18:15

So the kids get toys but rarely get to play with them because they're too loud/annoying.

Hardly seems fair does it?

Why not just call a truce and agree that you both need to grow up a little bit?

BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation · 11/06/2026 18:14

Boppit AND a recorder AND a harmonica. Also a set of drums if you can!

Member984815 · 11/06/2026 18:13

Slime or any annoying instrument drums are good, I got a great set of electronic drums for both nephews they love them

Luckykittycat · 11/06/2026 18:13

I take the suggestion of recorder and level it up to tin flute. You could do a goody bag, with a voice changing mega phone, tin flute, whistle and a xylophone. 😬

Soubriquet · 11/06/2026 18:13

Cheesecakeismeesecake · 11/06/2026 18:12

https://www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/toys/pre-school-and-electronic-learning/bluey/vtech-bluey-chattermax/p/249854

These are pretty annoying. Ask me how I know.

Oh look. Another VTech item. I reckon their office is in hell!

Soubriquet · 11/06/2026 18:12

I’m still traumatised by this fucking bear my dd had a baby and she’s 13!!!

I can still hear the song

“I’m a friendly light up bear
ill teach you
one two three
a sleepy hungry happy bear
hey come and hug me”

I need the most annoying toy for a 5 year old
Cheesecakeismeesecake · 11/06/2026 18:12

https://www.smythstoys.com/uk/en-gb/toys/pre-school-and-electronic-learning/bluey/vtech-bluey-chattermax/p/249854

These are pretty annoying. Ask me how I know.

JollyGreenWatermelon · 11/06/2026 18:12

bagpipes are funny

Slime I would go NC with you😂

Original poster
IrritatingToy · 11/06/2026 18:11

SometimesTheIntrusiveThoughtsWin · 11/06/2026 18:09

Glitter. Boppit. Violin. Nerf guns. Sharpies.

Boppit! Thats incredible

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 11/06/2026 18:11

Any making slime set. Not sure if still available but furby's were very annoying when my teen was young.

Cheesecakeismeesecake · 11/06/2026 18:10

Kazoo, about 50p!

....leaving you approx £99.50 to do something really annoying like spend it on yourself misses point

Edited due to terrible maths

TheWickerWoman · 11/06/2026 18:09

Sorry but 🤣🤣 bagpipes is so funny