To think having children makes women miserable?

It certainly seems to on here. I don't understand the complaining tbh but then I've always looked at it that men don't really want kids in the first place. Or at least not more than women. If women laid out they wanted 50/50 raising of the children until 18 beforehand- see the birth rate plummet! So if you want kids there are certain sacrifices because men will never want them as much as women. If it's so hard then don't have them-simple. I hate all this "she's raising his child and enabling him to progress at work nonsense"-yeah the child he probably didn't even want in the first place!

Sounds like your mum’s problem was her marriage not the fact that she had children.

It’s not to do with being a mother. It’s to do with having an awful “partner”

Some people definitely just accept what is and carry on. Some don’t feel like they have a way out. For some it will be convenient or money. Lots of reasons.

I haven't read the full thread but as soon as I read the title, I knew the issue. Plural is the issue.

Having a child can be easy, having more than one makes life more difficult. I do not know one Mother who is generally less frazzled by going from one child to more than one.

Yes love multiples and they play together when other and look out for each other but you also have to split your time, double the monetary expense. I just don't see the appeal.

And don’t marry a man you have to persuade to have children and then be surprised when he doesn’t step up.

I think having children makes many women less happy in their marriage/LTR. Seems like it from what I read on here anyway.

In your own example the children are not the issue so YABU, you answered your own question.

Adult life sucks. Coming home from work to cook dinner and do admin sucks. That isn’t even child-specific. Your posts barely even touched on parenting, it was your day being lazy and that would have grated even if they were child free.

Some nice comments on here.

I'd say that the very fact that you are asking the question and aware of the type of relationship you want to avoid means that you are at a lower risk of replicating your mother's misfortune.

And it's additionally possible that your mother's amazing relationship with you gives her enormous pleasure and satisfaction. You might find the same one day!

The good thing about relationships/parenting is that you can choose your own path and you don't have to recreate your own childhood if you don't want to. Nothing is inevitable (took me years to realise this!) Engaged, loving husbands and fathers can be found.

My father worked all hours and was violent and made horrible, cutting remarks. My husband works from home some of the week, has never harmed our children and they adore him. He does all the cooking/shopping and is sweet and considerate. Sure, having children can be really difficult and stressful at times, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

This is a good post

For me:

Newborns - miraculous and character building
Toddlers - unbelievably cute, loving, unjudgemental, funny and amazed by ordinary life, helping you see the world afresh
Children - curious, funny, loving, and make everything from cycle rides to christmas more fun
Teens - witty, challenging and educative - they introduce you to new music, ideas, comedians, fashion

I think having a full time job while trying to juggle all the child care and housework is often what makes women frazzled and unhappy. I also think trying to do that with 2 or 3 kids is much harder than one.

Having a child certainly made me happier than any job ever has, but I only had 1 and only ever worked part time and then only once he was at school.

Touché

Don’t forget that they’re also bi-lingual as her DH is French. 😁

Having kids is a risk as you don’t know how you will take to it or whether your kids will make your life a misery.

In recent decades women have realised that they don’t actually have to take this gamble which is why the birth rate is on the floor. Myself included as I’d rather walk into traffic than have children!

I’m only in uni and nowhere near having children but reflecting on my own family it’s something I think about a lot.

Then may I respectfully ask what's happened to the 4 children you apparently actually do have? 😳

Better rethink the four children you refer to on other threads.

A useless man definitely makes life harder.

Im a single mum and love motherhood.

Sounds like someone's bending the truth more than a little, for what purpose I don't know, but to answer the question anyway, the problem in the family you describe was the father's personality. That relationship was doomed for unhappiness whether they had kids or not.

There are no guarantees in life, and some mothers do end up miserable, but having children isn't usually a source of misery.

I think not having a support network can make motherhood a miserable or very hard experience for some women. A husband/partner, grandparents, extended family, the ‘village’ support network.
Motherhood is not easy but can be very fulfilling if , as a parent, you can dedicate yourself to it without suffering other majors hardships.
It also depends on the child’s temperament , health of the mother and child, so many variables.

well it was your dad making your mum miserable, not her children.

Having children is not compulsory, in fact unless you really really desperately want children don’t have them, because it is hard at times and if other bits of your life are difficult (partner, money, work) having children makes those issues 10 times worse.

That said, my children have bought a level of joy and fun to my life I did t even know was missing. They make me happy every day, and I have never for a second regretted them. They have made my life.

So many independent variables. It makes some women miserable. This is often the women who didn’t want to be one in the first place really but got pregnant accidentally and for whatever reason felt unable to abort OR they felt a bit pushed into it due to societal norms but deep down, they didn’t want it. Not always of course. Some women want to be a mum because the idea sounds nice but when they’re actually in the thick of it they realise it isn’t for them- too late obviously.

Or they just have a shit unsupportive partner and would probably do better alone, like your mum…

Didn’t make this one miserable. Best thing I’ve ever done. It’s tough sometimes but DD has brought me more genuine, unadulterated joy than anything else I’ve ever done. My only regret is that despite trying, we weren’t able to have more.

Sadly for DS his dad isn't in the picture. But I'm glad you have a decent DH. 😊

I always think it must be ten times harder if you have a partner and are still doing everything while they laze about. And knowing my ex, I would be doing everything, because work is the most important thing in his life. He couldn't even change DS's nappy the one time he attempted it and he has two adult children. I assume his ex wife did everything. I'm still doing everything for me and DS, but at least I don't have to look after another grown arse human, and I have a break when he goes to bed and I can please myself.

I also make sure to spend time and money on myself and my hobbies. My mum didn't for years and I remember being a teenager and encouraging her to do so!

Having my two children is the one thing I did right to contribute to my happiness.

The dead beat man in the equation has been the over -sold element of my life I’m working on getting rid of.

Children are a joy. Lazy sexist men are cunts. My question is why do intelligent professional women flog themselves and enable it? Your mother should’ve put her foot down and kicked his arse into touch.