AIBU to feel unable to cope with being seen naked?

Medical professional here. I can assure you when we examine a vulva/vagina we see it as any other body part, such as a nose or mouth. They are simply part of a body system to us. If you explain in the consultation that you are nervous, we do understand. We even feel a bit nervous sometimes getting our bits out, it's human to feel that way.
As others have said, some counselling would be good to help you overall around these issues. But ultimately, no health professional will be upset with you for being nervous.

I had similar from my dad OP, who was a devout roman catholic.He was very private, prudish and judgemental about certain types of clothing etc and anything sexual.I was very self conscious about my body as a teenager.I have overcome alot of it as i've got older (38 now) I think motherhood has helped with having 3 babies and all the necessary interventions and examinations 'down there') ive just pushed myself to get on with it as know it's important for baby's health aswell as mine.However if you are so overcome by the fear of a genital exam that it puts your health at risk, i think you definitely need to get some help with that.

I would say that the only thing i still have what some would say is an issue with, is sex.I dislike getting naked and my body being touched, and that has actually got worse as ive got older (maybe not helped by changes caused by weight gain, although I don't really have self esteem/body image issues in general, just don't like exposing it) i have ALWAYS had sex in the dark too.

Have you not been due to have any smear tests yet? As they are obviously very important to attend!

It is completely natural to want sex!

Yes , why does this sort of stuff not bother men?!

I know people mean to be helpful when they say that the medical people will have seen everything before, that they won't care, that it's nothing to them, etc etc but that can come across as dismissive. It's the OP who hasn't experienced this before, and has concerns about it, it doesn't matter what the HCPs experiences are - that's not relevant.

Also, OP, it's as good a time as any to get in touch with yourself in a fun way, as well as for medical stuff. Your body is amazing, and it's all yours. Your entire adult life will be richer for embracing your body.

Masturbating or sex is wonderful, totally normal.and natural, and something we can enjoy hugely. I hope you can get to the point of losing the generationally inflicted shame, because we are a long time dead , and that shame is actively damaging. Therapy all the way ❤️

I think it's unhelpful to state that you are always covered with a sheet- for example, at my village doctors I've had smear tests where I am naked from the waist down with no sheet. It was only me and the female nurse in the room.

However I am certain they would provide a sheet, if I asked for one beforehand. It's one of those things where it's no fun but the medical person sees people's private areas day in day out and won't give a single shit, and once you've got that first time out of the way, it gets a lot easier. You can inform them of anxieties beforehand and they should be understanding.

How do you feel about having sex with your future husband and him seeing you naked?
If it feels scary or shameful then maybe you should see a psychosexual therapist before getting married.

You're equating it to sex. There is nothing sexual about medical examinations! Need to find a way to separate them in your mind :-)

I promise you have nothing of any interest to them other than medical if it helps. They just don't care, they just want to see if you're poorly.

A bit like midwives, they just want to concentrate on a safe birth. They don't stand there pointing and saying 'oooh, a vagina!'. It's literally nothing to medical professionals, you may as well have gone in with a broken toe.

It's something you've got to try and overcome in a medical setting to stay healthy.

Are you abstinent until marriage because if a choice that you have made, for your faith and for yourself? Or is it because of the fear you have of being seen, or having anyone touching that area?

A PP has already mentioned this, but your mum is a hypocrite, OP. She surely hasn't remained covered from head to toe for her entire life. As a mum myself, it really bothers me when parents burden their children with their own beliefs and often unrealistic expectations.

Your mum really did a number on you with her puritanical views.

Not all Catholics are prudes. I was also brought up Catholic, but my mum was completely and utterly uninhibited - and I am too.

I think you need therapy for this, for your own confidence in medical settings, for enjoyment of sex (no one that’s unhappy being naked is going to have a lovely sex life), and so that you don’t give your future children hang ups.

Speak to your GP and get the ball rolling.

I don’t think many people are totally relaxed stripping off but medical settings are entirely cognizant of this fact, hugely discrete and all over safeguarding. I’ve never had a smear or coil insertion without an additional person there to chaperone (not requested, they just are there as a matter of routine). This other person stands at the head end, chats to you to distract you and offers to hold your hand. I’m old now but on the handful of occasions I’ve had to get my vag seen to it’s been kind, respectful and quick.

@Satel
id second going to speak to the GP about this - if it’s causing you anxiety now hopefully you can get some help to deal with this. Plus as a woman potentially you will have kids, need gynae procedures/ smears etc and so it would be good to be able to get past this.
Also - I’m guessing you’re choosing not to have sex before marriage for religious reasons? Have you had a discussion with your partner to let him know how
you are feeling about this? Don’t let your mother’s narrow minded views be how you navigate your start to married life.

Perhaps some counselling to help you move on from the revolting and offensive views your mother forced upon you. She's the one who should be ashamed. Dispicable, backwards, cretinous behaviour.

THIS is exactly what people are talking about when they bring up purity culture. OP has been directly affected by it.

Nothing to add except this is your health - it's important. You can work on the feelings of shame or whatever in good time but you must put your health first.
If you do need to expose yourself to a doctor please remember they've seen it all before and to help put your mind as at rest at it can be, ask then to explain exactly how the procedure/examination will go so that you can mentally prepare and know that it's going exactly as it should. You could also ask for a female chaperone to be in the room if that might help.

This
I can identify with the negative impact of your strict Catholic upbringing and your mum's negative views and prejudice, I have been on the receiving end of similar.
Please don't delay getting any required appointment.
You will be in professional hands and I am unsure why you feel an internal examination might be required.
You will be able to get any support required. Take care OP

Would it help you at all to think about the extreme hypocrisy in this very strong message your mum has given you. To be clear I'm not blaming her directly, because she is the product of her upbringing and the Catholic Church, as are you. But your mum had sex, you're the evidence of that. She has gaven birth. Doctors, midwifes and nurses will have seen her and examined her. She's made you view your own body with shame. Who knows if she stopped to think about the impact of her words on you. Who knows if she reflected on the impact that she herself may feel from receiving the same message from her parents and church.
Anger towards your mother and towards the teachings of your priest would be more suitable than self loathing. I don't think that you'll find the answers here, I think you need therapy to unpick this emotional abuse. You have been taught to feel quite extreme shame about your body and your sexuality. I think that's abhorrent and I'm very very sorry for you. I don't think you're overreacting and I do think you should take this very seriously. This is preventing you from accessing healthcare. Would you want this for your future daughter? You have so much time in front of you, sex is fantastic, motherhood is fantastic (most of the time!) This is your life and you should be able to access all parts of it fully without shame. Please consider looking for a therapist to help you

I suggest you decide to make friends with your body. Look at it in a mirror! You are 'fearfully and wonderfully made'
Take a look at the 'great Wall of Vagina' an art installation celebrating the vajayjay.
They are complex and amazing organs, and need treating with care and consideration.
You are an adult, it is terrible to thing to risk being ill because you are too shy about yourself to be seen!

You have been conditioned by your mum to view nakedness as shameful and wrong. It is neither. Our bodies are the only vessel we have to navigate the world, and they are worthy of respect and care.

Please consider speaking to a therapist to help find new ways of relating to yourself. Medical exams are necessary and this is creating a barrier that can be removed with support. But also as PP mentioned to help you move forward into intimate relationships, sex, childbirth etc as normal, natural life experiences.

I do think it is a bit unusual. Most people have no qualms about their personal bits being exposed during a medical examination. If they did, the world's population wouldn't be as high as it is. There's nothing shameful about it because it's for health purposes. When you get married, how do you expect to be able to be intimate with your husband? If you want children in the future, how do you expect to be able to give birth if you don't want down there to be exposed?