AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

What is wrong with some of you women? Piece of dick? She has been with him 3 years and is engaged. Is she not supposed to have a life after her divorce? 13 year olds behave like brats. Do you not have teenagers? And she probably gets away with murder at her dad’s every other weekend. Is she not supposed to do chores around the house or keep her room tidy, or behave?

Dad is already remarried. What about that?

Yes, this! Dad is already remarried!!!! Nobody is slagging him off!!

Did you read the bit where it says Dad is already remarried? Where is the slagging off for him?

This sounds really hard. Couple of things I would note from your posts

• you don’t get to choose how she feels, she is telling you how she feels and you just have to believe her even if it doesn’t suit what you want to hear
• in each post you are minimising problems that she is raising ‘we don’t argue that much’ well enough for you daughter to raise it at school and not want to be in her own home ‘he’s not that strict’ again he clearly is and also if question what someone who’s been in her life a couple of years has any business telling her what to do in her own home
• your mention about the stealing etc like that’s adding to the issues at home - she’s acting out because she’s unhappy, surely that’s very simple to understand
• you don’t want your daughter to move in with her dad because of how it makes you feel. Well for a start he has as much rights to have her live with him as you do and also this isn’t about what you want when you’re not willing to make any compromise. Her home has became somewhere she doesn’t want to be and you’re focusing your own daughter as being the issue here
• lastly and possibly most sadly, you are giving her a clear message that she’s not important enough. You have been with someone 3 years and their place in your life has taken precedence over the 13 years your own daughter has been there for. that’s so so sad. She will never forget this I’m afraid so have a good deep look at your choices and be rawly honest about the motivations behind them.

It is him OP, your boyfriend. It’s not marriage.
She is terrified of him and there are going to be reasons for that. Ones you are denying to yourself.

3 years? So barely out of boyfriend territory and hes already living in her home, youre already engaged and he thinks he has the right to tell her what to do?

I cannot understand why you seem surprised.

I think it's a bit off to be slagging op off for having a man in the house? This is what men do isn't it? Crack on with their lives and let the women do the child raising?

I’m sure the ops not even thought about losing child maintenance yet and having to pay her ex 🤣.

All to keep a piece of dick in her home. 😂😂

I’d be worried your partner is abusing her in other ways. Even if he’s not, wtf does she want to live with a strange adult man? You need to kick him out

That she is scared to live here, that my partner is constantly telling her off, that me and my partner are constantly arguing. We do have occasional arguments, however they are normally in regards to DDs behaviour and no more then any other couple

All my life she has come first, perhaps too much as ive always done everything for her and always tried to understand her instead of giving consequences for any mis behaviour, because of this she is now acting out at school, stealing and constantly getting into trouble. I love her to bits but my failings as a mother in her early years have now led to her being entitled. This is nothing to do with my other children.

That she is scared to live here, that my partner is constantly telling her off, that me and my partner are constantly arguing. We do have occasional arguments, however they are normally in regards to DDs behaviour and no more then any other couple

except the whole reason having a man move in when you don't know him that well is different is because men are far riskier to have around than women. that isn't women hating. op hasn't clarified how long they were together when he met her kids or moved in, or how long the others were around before they met the kids or how many of them moved in. it's also the child's primary home which makes a big difference. if Dad split up with new partner and started moving women in and out, I'd feel exactly the same but without the higher risks of child abuse.

However, this website always vilifies the man.

First of all, it doesn't. It's just female centred, which is unusual and precisely why we attract so many angry MRA types who think a forum of mostly women is morally failing if it reflects its demographic rather than acting like the Old Bailey. There are very few places like this, so they come here. (If you want to fight sexism, start with the manosphere. It's bigger and it's worse.)

Secondly, and more importantly though, this is an absolutely shitty premise to start from when looking at this situation. You demonstrate that your priority is not the security, safety or wellbeing of either the child or OP, but whether or not men in general are coddled enough in a female centred space. The child is being forced to live with an unrelated man whom she has demonstrated she is unhappy with, and would rather live with her father and his other family than be subjected to that, and your first and primary thought is "well what about men on MN, they're such victims"?

You say you were a shit as a teen, ok I believe you, but that's just as irrelevant as your overarching priority being women coddling men on MN. It really doesn't matter that a largely female forum centres women or that you were an arse as a teen. Try looking at something other than women prioritising men, and yourself.

The first step is ditch the man for your child ffs!!!!

She is clearly not happy at all to be living with this man and her dad is supporting her unlike her mother. Shame on you.

Finally someone with a bit of common sense.
As usual, mumsnet showing they actually hate women and hold them to different standards than men

Finally someone with a bit of common sense.
As usual, mumsnet showing they actually hate women and hold them to different standards than men

Jesus Christ is OP not allowed a relationship? They have been together three years! This is not a flash in the pan or the latest in a series of casual shags and men coming and going.

OP, if you can be absolutely sure your DD isn’t justified in her dislike of your partner, then ignore the advice on here and don’t split up your relationship on the whims of a child who I’m sure would love to have you all to herself and is trying to manipulate the situation. What happens when she doesn’t like her dad’s partner, if/when he has one? She doesn’t like the boundaries and is spitting the dummy out.

First of all, he might have told the school he has a court order but have they actually seen it? I would have thought they would have to ‘serve’ it to you before it could be enacted, unless a copy is on its way to you. You need to get legal advice urgently.
It’s true that the courts are highly likely to allow her to stay, at her age, if that’s what she wants. All you can do is let her know how loved she is and how much you want her home. If it doesn’t go your way, push for a high level of contact.
But would I fuck be ending a long term committed relationship because a stroppy teen doesn’t like being told no.

I don't condemn her for wanting a partner, I just don't see why he has to be living with them, never mind marrying. Many people have excellent, committed relationships in which each keeps their own home.

People are saying it's OK for the girl to to go and live with her dad because that is what she wants to do, right now. It is preferable,, in her eyes, to staying with mum and future stepfather. Only time will tell but from what I read, it seems like a good idea now, she can but try.

I wish the op would come back and let us know how things are going.