AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

A 19 year old woman should have her own digs and be creating her own vibe, not dictating who her mum shags

Two parents arguing about their shared child is completely different to a parent and an unrelated adult with no parental rights or responsibility. The partner has no right to discipline your child. I suspect it is your ego tgat is hurt and the fact that your ex could make a CMS claim. I suspect that if your daughter does stay with her father, the partner will leave pretty soon afterwards.

Didn't realise I added it to someone else's thx

Maybe start your own thread to ask opinions.

Erm yes because this thread is 26 pages long and unlike you I have a life and don’t have time to read every single last comment!
The reality is that OP has had a normal love life and hasn’t just settled for the first man she came across immediately after her divorce. That is normal!

Erm yes because this thread is 26 pages long and unlike you I have a life and don’t have time to read every single last comment!
The reality is that OP has had a normal love life and hasn’t just settled for the first man she came across immediately after her divorce. That is normal!

Erm yes because this thread is 26 pages long and unlike you I have a life and don’t have time to read every single last comment!
The reality is that OP has had a normal love life and hasn’t just settled for the first man she came across immediately after her divorce. That is normal!

You missed that OP seems to have found at least 2 or 3 ‘ideal partners’ between this daughter’s father, including one she married and had a child by ?

With this frequency of found and lost ‘ideal partners’ I think it’s reasonable to wonder why you think ‘she’s finally found the one!’. You might get a better view if you take your rose-tinted specs off and look at the reality.

You can’t put your life on hold for a thirteen year old. If she wants to live with her father then let her go, she knows your number if she wants to contact you, which she will. I don’t think your partner should be involved with disciplining her or even telling her to tidy her room. Teenage years are always difficult for mothers and daughters, perhaps some time apart will be good for you both.

I did miss that. But it sounds like OP has just not found her ideal partner until now and that is how life is a lot of the time. OP is entitled to a love life just like her ex is. It’s a shame the OPs previous relationships didn’t work out and whilst that is hard for the child it doesn’t mean she should split up with her partner now she’s finally found the one! If the daughter wants to leave as there’s more stability at dads then let her but OP and her partner haven’t done anything wrong here except be normal adults who have normal relationships and expectations of a child in their care.

Poor girl, she has said she didn't like living with her dad before; if this is her preferred alternative to living with you and your partner, what does that say about living with you?

You haven't listened to her distress by keeping this man around (he is not her father and should not be disciplining her at this stage) and she's choosing to vote with her feet. I think there's still time to repair your relationship with her, but something tells me you'll continue on regardless.

Did You miss that in the last 10 years, OP has chosen to move at least three different men into her child’s home? One of whom she had another child with, married and divorced a maximum of 3 years ago (as she shared on other threads) before immediately meeting her current partner (as she says they’ve been together 3 years but 3 years ago was living with her second ex husband) and now getting engaged to him?

Do you think that sounds like someone putting their child first?

Why is everyone being so hard on OP? She is entitled to a new relationship just as her ex is. Yes divorce and remarriage is hard on children understandably and they want their parents back together but it’s unreasonable to expect that the step parent has no authority in their own home. As long as they are on the same page as the parent in regards to rules and discipline then of course they should discipline the child. The parent should take the lead yes, but the parent isn’t always there! The step parent has every right to live in a peaceful tidy home with a respectful child. Respect goes two ways. And the child needs to learn that this is an adult of the household who pays the bills and has authority in their own home compared to being a child that does not have any authority. The daughter is being spoilt and no doubt has a Disney dad given she only sees him on weekends and holidays so she is expecting an easier ride at his house. Let her go OP, you’ve done everything right. don’t listen to these awful judgey people who expect you to have no relationship or life and for your partner to be subject to bad behaviour in his own home. She needs to learn some respect and hopefully once dad and his partner find out what she’s like on a full time basis they will also start putting their foot down. She’s playing off each parent to try to get the easier life and the more lenient home. There’s nothing you can do about it except know that you did the right thing in continuing to be the responsible adult who won’t let their child dictate their relationship or their home and who actively parented and loved the child. Yes it’s tough being a child of divorce so try to listen to her concerns and adjust where necessary but she doesn’t get to dictate your love life or house rules, she a child and you are the adults.

Why on earth are you letting a partner who you've only been with a few years discipline your teenage daughter? He has no business whatsoever telling her to do anything, you are her parent so it's your job to make sure she does her chores etc.

I've had a stepmum since I was about 8. She has never told me off. I'm sure I did things that annoyed her, but I pressume she told my dad and he delt with talking to me about.

I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must feel to be 13 and to have an unrelated man who's only been in your life a few years tell you what to do in your own home. She didn't choose to live with him and his job is make her feel as comfortable as possible as he moves into her space... not to throw his weight around.

The child is entitled to be safe in her own home. I suspect there is rather more to the allegations made than the OP wants to admit.

I have adult daughter who gets anger every time I go round to see her at her dad's. She didnt take our divorce well. But its been 4 years. To cut a long story short, she came back from uni after lockdown and I had to send her to her dad's as she was upset I had moved her brother into her room and moved her into the bigger room downstairs. Then I heard a conversation on the ring doorbell of her and her friend saying horrible things about me and my boyfriend at the time. I got upset when she spend her student loan and didnt pay the rent and I was her guarantor. So I kicked her out. Since then she has ignored me or been rude to me. Every year she tells me n her dad shes moving out. She isnt working. But saying she is online. No proof. What can I do? Won't go for counselling either.

AIBU I moved in with my partner who earns less then me. We share the bills etc. But when it comes to holidays and going out he expected me to pay for me, him, my son and his 2 kids that's 5 of us. I dont think that's fair. He never takes me out and always says hes skint. What should I do? He has no ambition and i feel used!

Why is everyone being so hard on OP? She is entitled to a new relationship just as her ex is. Yes divorce and remarriage is hard on children understandably and they want their parents back together but it’s unreasonable to expect that the step parent has no authority in their own home. As long as they are on the same page as the parent in regards to rules and discipline then of course they should discipline the child. The parent should take the lead yes, but the parent isn’t always there! The step parent has every right to live in a peaceful tidy home with a respectful child. Respect goes two ways. And the child needs to learn that this is an adult of the household who pays the bills and has authority in their own home compared to being a child that does not have any authority. The daughter is being spoilt and no doubt has a Disney dad given she only sees him on weekends and holidays so she is expecting an easier ride at his house. Let her go OP, you’ve done everything right. don’t listen to these awful judgey people who expect you to have no relationship or life and for your partner to be subject to bad behaviour in his own home. She needs to learn some respect and hopefully once dad and his partner find out what she’s like on a full time basis they will also start putting their foot down. She’s playing off each parent to try to get the easier life and the more lenient home. There’s nothing you can do about it except know that you did the right thing in continuing to be the responsible adult who won’t let their child dictate their relationship or their home and who actively parented and loved the child. Yes it’s tough being a child of divorce so try to listen to her concerns and adjust where necessary but she doesn’t get to dictate your love life or house rules, she a child and you are the adults.