AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

You've made your choice about who to live with, and she's made her choice based on that.

If you want her back get rid of the bloke trying to play dad and having arguments with you about it.

If you want to keep him around then accept your daughter doesn't want to be there.

I dont think this is a model to aspire to either tbh. Having a grown ass woman dictate your love life? 😂
The healthy path is somewhere in between

It's nearly irrelevant

You are just as much a parent as her dad. If she wants to live with her dad, she can. You have no more right than he does. Why don't you listen to her?
She's not an object, you are being nasty to her making her chose between 2 parents.

No one can tell you if your current partner is too strict or not ,but if she's happier with her dad, let her.

My DD is 19 and I still wouldn’t want to move a man into our home that she didn’t like or who thought he could tell her off. My kids come before any man, and I have promised her that she will never have to share her space with anyone she hasn’t chosen to live with. This was part of the reason my last relationship ended, as my DP wanted to live together and he has a teenage son. Absolutely not happening.

As a younger teenage girl, just coming into puberty - even more of a HELL NO!

Put your DD first or lose her. She’s lucky she has somewhere else to go.

Also don’t be so quick to dismiss her complaints, you think your arguments are normal but for her to hear conflict, especially she is cited as the cause for it, is incredibly upsetting for her.

So why don't you just move the boyfriend out and not get married? Problem solved.

You are in a relationship with a man your daughter doesn't like.

The reason why she doesn’t like him isn’t actually relevant - she didn’t pick him, she doesn’t want to live with him. She doesn’t want to share you. And that’s totally understandable. Would YOU want to live with a random man in your house that you never chose don’t even like and spends all his time with your loved ones? I think not!

By staying with your partner you are prioritising your own happiness over your daughter’s. Fine, that’s your ‘right’ I suppose (though for the record I think it’s a bit shitty).

Well she also has a right to prioritise her own happiness. Her first choice is to live with you without this man, but her second choice is to live with dad. And making that decision is HER right.

You say you are ‘heartbroken’ that she chose her dad over you.
This is how she felt when you didn't listen to her and chose to live with a man she doesn’t get along with. Sounds like he doesn’t like her either if he’s always having a go about her behaviour. You are her MOTHER. You are supposed to love her more than anyone else.

How is her relationship with her father. What's his current setup?

When did your partner move in with you; had something specific set this off or has it been a gradual thing as your partner has moved in and started to be authoritarian?

Is this about maintenance really?

How many men have you lived with since you separated from your child’s dad?

And been married based on her other threads.

I totally missed the 10 year bit on this one.

So multiple men a failed married and now this man who the daughter hates with a passion.

Well talk to her but clearly she very unhappy about something and you aren't listening to her - so try talking and listening if she'll do this at this late stage.

The courts will listen to her at her age.

So you can not demand she lives with you and clearly something about this man and this marriage has her worried enough to talk to school and make allegations. I'm not surprised her dad is taking it all very seriously.

You’re being selfish and seeing this situation only from your own point of view.

You’ve said that you don’t want your daughter living away from you. You’re not putting her feelings first at all and you’re just thinking about what you want.

The same statement runs true with regards to your partner. You have put your feelings and wants first and have this man living in your home when it clearly is having a negative affect your child.

Put your child and her feelings first. Listen to her. She’s been telling you how unhappy she is and you’ve chosen to ignore her so she’s literally voting with her feet so to say.

Your poor daughter has had multiple men move into your home to play step daddy and you obviously put the importance of relationships before her. No wonder she wants to leave.

“Any of my previous relationships” - how many men have you introduced her to? Bit of a worry OP.

This man does not sound nice. He sounds controlling. Listen to your daughter

What do you think the situation would look like if you put your DD first @Bigglebiggle

it obviously has changed things for her though. She has a man come into her life ordering her around and telling her what to do. You and your partner argue which upsets your daughter. She's unhappy.

Two parents arguing about their shared child is completely different to a parent and an unrelated adult with no parental rights or responsibility. The partner has no right to discipline your child. I suspect it is your ego tgat is hurt and the fact that your ex could make a CMS claim. I suspect that if your daughter does stay with her father, the partner will leave pretty soon afterwards.

So youve moved a couple of men into her home in 10 years?

Again, why are you surprised she wants to live with her Dad?

Poor kid.

You are getting piled on here op and it must be tough to hear. But you are in a tough position and like it or not this is a pivotal moment in your relationship with your daughter.

Only you know exactly what has happened or been said, so only you can reflect on this. How long has she known your partner? How has it happened that an unrelated man has moved in and tells her what to do? It's irrelevant if you think he is right, wind back to being 13 and ask yourself how you would feel. And do you really think it is right that he is trying to take on a parental role? Can you do anything to change this dynamic? Are you willing to understand and prioritise your daughter, even if you think her behaviour is unreasonable? How will your relationship with her look in 10 years if you don't start listening to her? How will it look with him if he's the reason you are low contact with your daughter.....?

You mention that you argue but "no more than any other couple".... That is probably not true. You only ever hear of the arguments from people, you don't hear of the peace, most established couples are not arguing frequently.

I believe your DD.

You should prioritise your role as mother here.

I don’t know why your partner needs to tell her off anyway? He joined her life when she was 10, that is a delicate age to navigate. “Telling her off” is your job alone. He can tell you if there is something he wants you to address.

Your poor Dd. You see her struggles as “trying to break you up” rather than taking her seriously 😢

You want to marry a man you daughter dislikes enough to want to move out of your home.

Wow. Perhaps it’s best she lives with her dad tbh.

It is him OP, your boyfriend. It’s not marriage.
She is terrified of him and there are going to be reasons for that. Ones you are denying to yourself.

You can't "demand" anything

Exactly this!!!

So 2023 dh wasn’t her dad either then?????

I think it's a bit off to be slagging op off for having a man in the house? This is what men do isn't it? Crack on with their lives and let the women do the child raising?