AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

She doesn't say that anywhere? I think when she said she has lived with a couple, she means her ex and his new wife? As someone has asked about her not living with a couple before.

Another PP seems to have misinterpreted that OP was living with someone else three years ago, I think they misread the OP - she split up DD's dad 10 years ago when DD was 3.

Not saying there isn't a problem with current OH but posters seem to be making things up here and twisting it into a parade of men.

"HuglessDouglass · Today 13:35
You are getting piled on here op and it must be tough to hear. But you are in a tough position and like it or not this is a pivotal moment in your relationship with your daughter.
Only you know exactly what has happened or been said, so only you can reflect on this. How long has she known your partner? How has it happened that an unrelated man has moved in and tells her what to do? It's irrelevant if you think he is right, wind back to being 13 and ask yourself how you would feel. And do you really think it is right that he is trying to take on a parental role? Can you do anything to change this dynamic? Are you willing to understand and prioritise your daughter, even if you think her behaviour is unreasonable? How will your relationship with her look in 10 years if you don't start listening to her? How will it look with him if he's the reason you are low contact with your daughter.....?
You mention that you argue but "no more than any other couple".... That is probably not true. You only ever hear of the arguments from people, you don't hear of the peace, most established couples are not arguing frequently."

@HuglessDouglass has nailed it: this is very sound advice.

In 2023 you had a 2 year old daughter, a husband and 10 year old step son. What happened to those?

If your ex has a Court Order and there is no reason to think he would lie to the school about that, if you show up at his house and make a scene, won't he just call the police? That won't exactly help your case will it?

Your parenting is absolutely something to aspire to. Someone who thinks 19 year olds should have their own place in 2026 isn't worth listening to.

Listen to your daughter. My second stepdad moved in when I was 12/13 and even though we have a really good relationship now, it caused a LOT of emotional damage.

My mum had got divorced less than two years before that, and she'd split up with the one partner who I had a secure attachment to less than two years before she married her first husband. Mums ex husband was a secret alcoholic and he hit me once. Nobody believed me. They used to have screaming arguments, and when my now stepdad moved in when I was your daughter's age, I was still dealing with the trauma of her previous marriage and the trauma of losing contact with the ex who had been there since I was a toddler.

My current stepdad had far too much say in how I was parented, and completely changed my mums approach to parenting me. He was also allowed to tell me off etc. Because he was a lot bigger, and a lot stricter I genuinely found him scary. Nobody listened to me and any behaviours I developed were put down to jealousy or teenage brattiness. They moved out of the area I'd lived in my entire life and I went from being able to walk to school to having to spend 90 minutes on the bus.

My biological dad isn't involved in my life, so I started staying with my gran regularly, she lived near school so I started staying there regularly to escape. During my GCSEs I basically moved in with her and just came home when it was convenient.

Me and my stepdad have a really good relationship now, he's been in my life for almost 20 years and I'm arguably closer to him than my mum. But how my mum went about things, and the amount of upheaval I experienced has caused a lot of unnecessary, lasting trauma, which sticks with me to this day. And if I'm honest I had to go through therapy to move past the amount of resentment I felt towards my mum and her refusal to prioritise my emotional needs.

This. And the rest. Poor girl.

One of my teenage friend’s at school her mum’s new partner who was moved in made her so upset that she pulled her hair out. Was in the days before kids could choose who to live with. Do you really want your DD traumatised? Which she is already. I applaud her for standing up for herself and her father is stepping up for her and being her parent.

If my dc didn’t like living with their own dad for any legitimate reason he’d have to get a flat and we’d have to wait until they were older before living together because kids are only young once, don’t ruin her home life and childhood because of a bloke.
My dp is my eldests stepdad (we have 3 children together also) so I’m not against stepparents or blended family life but your child is clearly miserable. Why are you getting married to a man who upsets your child? This is madness.
And make sure what she disclosed wasn’t actually the truth and she’s just buckled under pressure and withdrew what’s actually truth.
This has red flags all over it.

Is the correct answer.

Why doesn’t he leave telling her what to do. Could you not wait a few years to live together. 13 is the worst possible point to do it

But it has changed things for her. You are forcing her to live with a man she considers abusive and hostile towards her. You don’t appear to give a shit about that.

Was she ok with your partner until the engagement? Any chance you can just keep dating your partner until she is older? If he's the right man, he will understand and wait to get married later.

You know your daughter. The things she said, are they true? Has she ever made up things before? Because if it is out of character, I'd really rather lean to believing her. I probably would believe her anyway tbh.

If my child hated my fiancée I'd take a step back from that relationship and re build the one with my child. Move him out, delay the wedding and rebuild things slowly, or you'll lose her.

for now, until that happens, it may not be a bad idea for her to go to dads?

She does not like my partner as she feels he is strict on her, however he asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores etc.

Why is your partner doing this? That's your job, not his!

She's 13.

How many previous relationships?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

We should, it sounds like this isn't the first bloke that has moved in since the split with the child's dad, how about she puts her DD first...for once?

Let her go. A 13 year old shouldn't have to share a house with an unrelated man and you have let her down badly.

You're not listening

informed her and her dad this is not going to happen, I dont want my child living away from me.

Ah I see: you get to call the shots which is going to be having your cake and eating it.

If the roles were reversed

My DH and I have my DD EOW and all the holidays, she gets on great with my DH, and our new DC. Her DF has met a new woman, and they intend to marry soon. She doesn’t get in with the new woman, despite getting on with his previous partners, she says they argue, she’s overly strict and she feels concerned about her. She wants to move to ours, we want her here, think she’ll be happy and we will be happy.

She’s 13 and I think able to make her decision, her DF is threatening to come round and demand she returns to him!

I think she should be the one to decide.

Reads differently now, doesn’t it?

Sorry she’s already had to live with ‘a couple’ of your previous boyfriends? And now this one who she hates? Jesus.

Oh come on OP this makes it worse!! If you had said that she had issues with her Dad's relationship, your previous relationships etc then it shows that maybe she is jealous or wants just you own your own or whatever.

She's scared of this man and you aren't listening to her. No wonder she's left.

When you say nothing will change, in what way? Will he still tell her off, argue, can you think of a reason she may not like him or want to live with him.

Hope the toddler in all this is ok as well and her dad is looking out for her as well.