AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

Dp did not need to live with you and dd. Dp did not need to tell her to tidy her room that is your job. Having a teenager isn’t simple why complicate it by moving him in. It sounds like she would rather be with you but you moved in dp. So now the better option is to live with her dad. Dd is old enough to choose. In your position I would choose dd. She has told you she doesn’t like him would you want to live with someone you don’t like?

She’s lived with a couple of your bf?

so a few have moved in and obv moved out again till the next one

she is telling you something . Listen to your child

was she ok when he moved in - how soon after moving in did he propose ?

if this men is a decent man he will wait till she is 18 to get married

if she didn’t want to live with her dad and baby sibling and now does - what does that tell you ?

If your dd hates your partner and he tells her to do stuff in her home what did you expect was going to happen.

You have made it clear you have handed parenting over to someone you are about to marry and move into her home and she is no longer your priority

It’s not rocket science that she wants out.

She has lived with a couple over the years, her dad is married with another child and she has no problem with their relationship. She hasn't had problems with any of my previous relationships either, it seems to be the marriage she is having problems with. I have explained to her it won't change anything from what it is now

But she hates “now”

OP why can't you put the marriage plans on hold until your daughter either feels comfortable, or has grown up? 5 years is not so very long to wait (may be too late now to convince her you're listening though).

Can you have a calm conversation with her and really listen to her concerns? And look at solutions? The moving out to dads might be out of desperation that you're apparently not listening and feel like it's the only power she has, rather than being a suitable solution. Or it might be a clear statement that there's something about your house that she no longer wants to put up with. Ask her what she would like to be different and take her seriously. You won't know unless you properly talk to her.

But you have to be prepared to hear things you might not want to hear.

You have 2 options.

1. Live with this man and let your daughter move in with her dad.
2. Ditch the man and let your daughter live with you.

also what’s the odds she decided she didn’t like dads back then around when the new sibling was arriving which tends to happen quite a bit rather than there being a big issue because the fear of being pushed out and forgotten so if they don’t want to go then it doesn’t matter when they are not wanted. In their child brains.

She instinctively wants to live with a related male rather than an unrelated male during her vulnerable adolescent time. She understands more than you do.

You can explain all you like. Your DD is unhappy. She needs to be your priority. Call off the engagement and ask your man to move out. You can date when she’s at her dad’s, but keep her away from this relationship. You need to LISTEN to what she’s telling you.

Why are you arguing about her behaviour? It's up to you not him to parent her and if he doesn't like it, he shouldn't be there.

I really hope you don't start blaming her for ruining your relationship because it was her fault that neither of the adults including her parent could handle the situation they created.

It’s such a tiny amount of time that your dc are children until they are 18 what’s the rush of living together and getting married? You can still be in a relationship and then your daughter can just focus on her relationship with you and her dad without a random guy bringing in new dynamics to wrestle with.

I do actually think in some situations blended can work but a lot of that is sheer dumb luck if everyone gets on. If they don’t which could just be down to personality then leave the blending for now - she’ll be an adult in 5 years.

Ive been with dp for 4 years and it suits both our kids to keep separate houses and not blend. Got the rest of our lives to do that when kids grow up.

I don't argue with my DH, why do you think arguing is normal?

So she’s had no problems with various partners on both sides, and she’s telling you she doesn’t like this one, and it doesn’t ring huge fucking church bells in your head??

I’m afraid you reap what you sow. You have prioritised your relationship over your daughter and she’s decided she’s had enough.

The OPs 4th post timed 13.32 clearly states that the child has had no problem with any of the OPs previous relationships. It is not twisting anything to point out that this child has grown up this far with a number of men being part of her home. The fact that she is now old enough to say 'no more' is important.

But she's telling you she's unhappy.

Why aren't you listening?

She's not 'getting to split you up', she's trying to get some agency about whom she lives with.

Did you consider her at all when you moved this bloke in?

If she doesn't like how he parents her, what have you done about that? Do you just take his side?

It sounds incredibly painful but you sound like you've ignored her point of view for years and you're reaping what you sow.

Your DDs behaviour has been communication that something is off with your DP. You're being incredibly selfish and stupid to try and enforce her living with you and your DP.
Why does your DP have to get involved in telling her what to do? You're the parent, you should be doing it. If this was the only issue your DD had, it would have been easily solved by your partner stepping back and leaving the parenting to the parents.

She does not like my partner as she feels he is strict on her,

That she is scared to live here, that my partner is constantly telling her off, that me and my partner are constantly arguing. We do have occasional arguments, however they are normally in regards to DDs behaviour and no more then any other couple

Your arguing about her behaviour. Do you not get you're the parent here, not your fiance? He should not be taking on a parental role, he's scared her enough she doesn't want to live with him. She doesn't like the man you're marrying and she'd rather leave your home than live with him. Her dad took her seriously rather than dismissing what she's saying like you do and went to court to protect her.

You're picking dick over kid and you're losing your kid as a result of your choice. Don't try to force her back, she doesn't want to live with your fiance. Let her be.

The OP was posting in June 2023 about her three year old and mentioned a husband.

If she was okay with your previous boyfriends, and she is okay with her stepmother, then the issue is clearly your current partner. Not because he’s your partner or because you plan to marry him, but because of who he is as a person. She doesn’t like him, and refuses to live with him.

You can ‘object’ all you want, but at 13 significant weight is given to her expressed wishes. Furthermore, her father has managed to obtain a court order ex parte. This isn’t a minor detail. You’re downplaying whatever is going on in your home, but it’s clearly beyond the realm of ‘normal’.

This isn’t a situation where you’re going to get what you want. You can choose the man, or you can choose your child.

I have a 13 year old, and a partner (of five years) who is a lovely man and we are very much in love, and a few things struck me about your story. Despite the fact that my DC and partner get along very well, and they have fun together, and he is a loving adult in my child's life:

• he has never tried to nor would I accept him playing a disciplinary/parental role in my child's life
• I would not consider living with my partner until after my child has left for University (and possibly not even then).
• I would not marry my partner

You are ofcourse entitled to have a relationship. But, kindly, your child is well within her rights to not want to live with your partner and to not accept him playing a parental role. She is also well within her rights to choose to live with her dad in these circumstances. She is old enough to make up her own mind, and the court will accept her position on this.

Split up with your partner and get your child back.

So you choose your partner over your own daughter? No fucking wonder she’s gone to live with her dad. At least one parent is stepping up, shame on you.

She's 13, you can't make her live with you because you want her to, when she has other options.

If you want her back now, it sounds like you need to end the relationship. If you are certain that your DP is not being unreasonable, you can hold out for her to potentially decide the grass isn't greener, but that may not happen. She may be happier longer term at her Dads.

She may see a different side to your DP, or just not like him. That happens, there are people that for no apparent reason we just don't get on with. In that case, you may need to decide who is more important to you, your DP or DD.

It is so hard to say, with just one side of the story, which is likely biased no matter how objective you try to remain. It could be hormonal rebellion, your DP could genuinely be an AH to her when you aren't around. It will be a risk to your long term relationship with your DP if you stick with him, so you have to decide if that is a risk you are willing to take.

I'd recommend trying to work with, not against your exH, he seems to be trying to act in your DD's best interests, listening to her, providing options to her, willing to take care of her. So try and have a calm chat with him to work out what he has been told, and what potential ways forward you have.

Yes it's laughable. I'm in Oxfordshire and have no idea where my kids will move to unless they head to the north as everything is extortionate around here. My daughter is nearly 19yrs and my house is our home. I don't plan to make things uncomfortable for any of us and would never just move someone is because I was desperate.

In 2023 op was posting on Mumsnet about her. Her dh, a dd and a dss. becoming homeless briefly and having to move into her dad’s mouldy place. Also issues with her dss.

Now it’s 2026 and she has a new fiancé of 3 years.