AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

But she hasn’t done this before. It’s just this guy

I presume the others didn’t order her around in her own home and think they are her father to be obeyed

You are going to have to choose between your daughter and your partner. That may not be fair, but it’s a fact. Listen to your conscience.

if this is real, which I really hope it isn’t, please for the love of god change your ways.

this is a 13yo CHILD crying out that’s she’s unhappy. We can only guess as to why - it could be just teenage hormones or it could be unspeakable abuse or anything in the middle. The reason matters less right now than your response to it. If you do anything other than prioritise your daughter over this man, she will be traumatised for life and probably never forgive you.

Ditch the man. Go back to dating him on a weekend while she’s at her dad’s. Give it 5 years and see how things end up. You have your whole life to remarry but those years can never be reclaimed for your daughter.

I’m with your daughter op. If someone other than my parent is giving me orders I’d leave. You’ve got a choice, ditch him and keep your daughter, or keep him and do irreparable harm to your relationship with your child.

That poor kid. Better off with her dad.

Some may say this is extreme but could you not hold off on marriage until she is an adult herself for the sake of your relationships? She may feel differently about the situation then

I had posted chose your child. But I take that back. Your child is far better off with her father. Interesting you don't mention the 2 and 10 year old you used to have.

How many men have you introduced her to since you split with her Dad?

What is the information she has told school which you say is not true?
Without sounding rude to you, I always keep in the back of my mind ‘there is no smoke without fire’

My mother prioritised her new relationship when we kids were all adults (not even children) and as a result now has no contact with my brother and two of her grandchildren. And a different relationship now with her two other children as a direct result of her decisions. Tread carefully to protect your family (you and your children)

The daughter is entitled to a life of her own too.

No wonder she is choosing a perfectly good alternative elsewhere, for being 'stamped on hard'.

Alternatively it's this particular bloke. Let her live with her Dad, better than forcing her to live with a man she doesn't like with no choice in the matter.

This is such bad advice I don't know where to begin, but luckily most people on the thread are wiser than this.

And even luckier, the child has an alternative option to being stamped on hard and is using it. Go on stamping hard on a child who's already voted with her feet over having Mum's boyfriend order her around. See where that gets you...

She should do no such thing and is entitled to a life of her own. Her ex has a new partner the DD doesn't object to, so the DD is trying to specifically break up her mother's relationship - she may have done this before, but it is typical teenage behaviour to do this and it has to be stamped on hard.

Teenagers routinely try to disrupt their parents' new relationships. You are entirely right to back your new partner e.g. in requiring chores etc of DD. Your ex has decided to weaponise your DD's strategy to break you and your partner up. If she is that keen to live with your ex I would let her go. Tell her she can come home whenever she pleases and is expected to attend your wedding - tell your ex this as well and make sure he knows the date so has no excuse to prevent DD attending.

She don't want to live with you and you shouldn't use your partner to tell her what to do. He isn't her father?

Have him move out until he's 18 or so. He can stay over when she's at her dad's. Courts will listen to her more and more as she gets older.

No...it seems like she has justifiable issues with your present bloke.
Sounds like you have a mature thirteen year old who does not want to be bossed about by the bloke you're about to marry and who she does not make her feel secure in her own home.

Get the male partner to live elsewhere and you live with your daughter.

I'd be listening to her a lot harder than you appear to be, especially since she has not displayed such an antipathy for previous partners, it seems like she has voiced her dislike for the man loud and clear, and is deeply unhappy with the possibility of him becoming further entrenched in her life and her home. Thank goodness she has people around her that will listen to her concerns - her father and her teachers - and a place where she will feel safe - her father's house. Because it doesn't seem like you provide either of these things at this point.

She has been repeatedly telling you she is unhappy but you have bypassed that and moved him into her home and space anyway. She has had to act with her feet.
Why couldn't you just date and live apart?
You will have to choose whether you live with your new man or your daughter.

I'm a step daughter (only child) and my step dad was introduced to me when I was 5. He never told me off and was just a wonderful kind soul. My Mum asked me if I thought she should marry him and when I said 'yes' we went and asked him together (I presume they had actually already become engaged before then). He died when I was 9 and not once was I scared of him.
As others have said - ditch him, he sounds awful. I am forever grateful my Mum married my stepdad - it sounds like your daughter would never feel the same and anything less than that is poor parenting by you.

Who isn’t actually a parent.

No you can't demand her back as if she is an object that you own.

You haven't been listening to her, and she is old enough to make her own decisions.

Why would she want to? She didn't choose to be parented by someone she dislikes.

I literally can’t think of anything worse as a young 10-13yr old girl going through puberty, than have a strange unrelated man living in my house!

It astounds me that women continue to do this to their daughters. Really beggars belief. Just wait literally five-six years until they’ve moved out???? Put your daughters first. I would never do it to my daughters.

In OPs case, your daughter is being brave enough to articulate her discomfort and you are ignoring her and criticising her for it. Let the poor girl live with her dad ffs.

That’s a fair question!