AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

This.

Tell your bf to back off and leave the parenting to you. Apologise to your dd tell her she is your priority and see if you can persuade her to stay. Don't marry this man who tells off a 13yr old. He is so out of line. Yes if he'd been in her life she was a toddler but this is inappropriate.

Honestly I’d let her move in with her father. Work on building the relationship with her again.
if there’s a court order - you need to see it asap and adhere to it.

Listen to your child. You could not possibly be there all of the time to have full insight. She does not like him. This is not about chores. Plenty of teenagers don’t like chores. This is about how your partner makes her feel.

This is out of character for her as she has been incredibly accepting of all of these changes in her life from both of her parents. The problem is him not a bloody wedding.

You are making an enormous mistake.

Why is your current bf going into your dd's bedroom to supervise the "cleaning"? - a 13 year old should be able to expect absolute privacy in their bedroom without an unrelated man entering to berate her. I find this a huge boundary overstep on the part of your bf and more than a little creepy.

This happed to me many years ago when dd was similar age, she lasted 6 months before she wanted to come back, let her go. And then and now we have the best relationship.

She is desperately, desperately communicating how unhappy she is at the thought of living with this man and him being her stepdad. Why not put the marriage off for now? She might feel differently in a couple of years.

Either choose your dd or this man. She’s old enough she gets to make this choice and not come back!

How many different relationships has she been exposed to, ffs?!

You’ve had various different men around your daughter? In your daughters home. Before she was 10 years old?

Ugh.

I despair.

Why shouldn't she live with her dad for a while if he is able to keep her and she wants to go? You've had her for the vast majority of the time for TEN YEARS; he should have been doing more all along and he should have the chance to do more now. But most importantly, she's old enough to decide for herself. I'd just walk her through want to expect and make sure she's thinking through the decision, then reassure her that she's welcome at your place either to spend a little time like she used to do with her dad or to come back more permanently if she ever wants or needs to.

The fact that she used to prefer your place to her dad's isn't relevant anymore - for now, she prefers his. She has outright SAID that she's afraid at home; why would you insist she stay somewhere she feels unsafe or uncomfortable when she has another perfectly good home to go to with her other parent???

Let her go.

This is really sad and I don’t think it’s good for children to move from pillar to post and neither do I think it’s great to give them “power” over your life. On the other hand, I think you need to show her she’s a priority because things clearly aren’t great and you need to be honest with yourself about that. If you want to mend your relationship you’ll need to do something pretty radical and I urge you to do it.

That must be hard for you to hear.

I think I’d say prioritise your child and find out exactly why she’s unhappy. If it’s because she thinks he’s too strict, that’s probably a good place to start. Ask why he’s disciplining her rather than you. You’re the mum so it should really be you in this relatively (in the scheme of things) new relationship.

If over time he can ask her to do things, he should be mirroring how you’d deal with it.

Your BF must be absolutely fucking ecstatic - he has weaponised your DD so that you are so gaslit - and now she is leaving. All planned by him.

Why are so many women prepared to lose their children for a boyfriend?

This girl has been telling you she’s uncomfortable with your partner, you still moved him in, got engaged and plan to marry him. It doesn’t sound like you’re taking anything she’s telling you on board.

Your objection should be aimed at your boyfriend telling your daughter what to do in her own home.

This man is a stranger to your daughter. He has no right to be telling her anything, requesting anything of her, questioning yiur parenting or involving himself at all.

you definitely should not be arguing with him about her behaviour, it is nothing to do with you.

if you prioritise this man and your relationship over your daughter then she should go and live with her dad

If she is fine with her dad and his partner and has been fine with your previous partners... Id look closely at your current partner.

Why can't you have a relationship without living together, or waiting until your DD is 18 for him to move in.

Think you need to take the rose tinted glasses off OP and see things from your DD point of view. From what you’ve said, she is clearly upset about her home life. Put your daughter and her needs first. She’s 13, yet you seem to be of the opinion that you shouldn’t be prioritising her like she’s an adult?! She shouldn’t have to put up with some random guy attempting to be her dad and telling her off either

You've made your choice - a(nother) partner
your daughter is making her choice.

You reap what you sow my dear. Should have got rid of the man years ago. This is why I would never move a man in. Widowed 8 years ago and will never complicate the family setup with a man.’

I'm thinking maybe she changed the sex of, and relationship to, her dd in that post to hide her identity?

A court would consider her old enough to choose. But, it’s up to you what you do now.

I’m wondering whether this is the real reason why OP is objecting to DD moving out. After all, the DD’s objections are being ignored.

I suppose OP marrying this man also means he will own half of her home, and he’s laying down the law already. Poor DD.