AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

Did you stay with the man your daughter hated? Had she said she was frightened of him like OP’s daughter has?

Sorry OP I would never let my partner parent my child. Mines been around for more years than yours too! Push is coming to shove, you pick your daughter in this scenario and not him.
i don’t think she will ever forgive you if you allow this to carry on. Poor girl.

Would it be possible she could resent you if you try to stop her now-obviously I don't know your kid, but you do, so what do you think? People say the years from 13-18 fly by, and then, if she's like lots of people, she will be living away from you-that's normal and ok; we want our children to travel, work and live in different countries etc. In any case, don't they take children's opinions into account by the time they're this old? Seek legal advice, but at this age, it might be up to her?

You’re partner should not be asking her to do chores , you should be as her parent, he is obviously triggering a strong emotional reaction and she does not need a 2nd “father” to boss her around, she already has a mother and father to do this.

Personally I’d be ending my relationship, as my children will always come first.

You say you’re heartbroken, are you heartbroken enough to call it off with your live in boyfriend? Guessing not.

I have already reported this; the advanced search throws up some mega inconsistencies so I wouldn't give this any headspace.

Your dd is trying to tell you something. Why are you not listening???

Why is your boyfriend involved in her discipline?

Why do you trump dad?

Can you vaguely remember being thirteen, I can, it's a lot, periods, boys, bullying, trying to fit in, your body changing, coping with secondary school, feeling your emotions strongly, feeling moody and upset for little reason. Factor in your mother is marrying her latest boyfriend who has moved in with you, is telling you what to do in your own home. Who argues with your mum, mainly about you. Your mother has been soft on you in the past and is now more strict thanks to the influence of this man who is trying to be a parent figure.

How would you feel, what's in it for her? Why should she be happy?

She's even telling extreme lies as she's unhappy or she's telling the truth from her perspective. She's telling you she's not happy and you're telling her tough, you aren't moving in with your dad. She wants to choose him despite having a tricky relationship with him at times.

Where's her soft place to fall that's familiar the same, no changes, she hasn't got it. Mister "tidy your room, put the plates in the sink, at your age I was, you're getting your own way too much" has moved in and marrying your mum and tough luck.

I think you're priorities are wrong, what's the rush to get married, she's thirteen! She's desperately unhappy. Do better.

If it won't change anything then don't do it. Prioritise your child, do not get married and probably kick him out.

Why is he discplining her?
Thats your job, not his.
Of course it is going to get her back up.
The state of her bedroom will be a teen flash point and he is sticking his nose in.

My husband wouldn't dream of going there with our girls, his daughters, he knows better than to go there.

I think your child has taken drastic action because she sees your first priority is not her.

Huge mistake that you may bitterly regret.

Regardless of who is wrong or right, most teenage girls would prefer to live with their dad over an unrelated man they don't get on with.

At 13 she can decide for herself where she lives.

I would ditch the man or at least postpone marriage till she’s older. If you don’t put her first now she will never forgive you.

As for living with her dad - I did a stint living with my dad after a fight with my mum (stupid fight, I was definitely wrong) when I was 12. Lasted 6 months and was begging to come back to my mums. Pizza for tea and no bedtime is great until it’s not. She will most likely come back but her relationship with you and probably the relationship with her dad will be seriously damaged.

Well you choose some funny times to suddenly start getting firm, then, don't you?

None of this obliges her to live with an unrelated man who thinks he's got authority over her when he hasn't, and none of it will be solved by you trying to force her into it. Poor child. If you won't choose her over the boyfriend despite all your selfless parenting then it's better all round that she lives with her dad.

Your partner is her problem. She doesn't want to live with him. She was thinking that due to all the arguing you would be splitting up.

Telling her that's not going to happen and she's stuck with him has prompted her to make the decision to move out.

You should respect her decision. She shouldn't be forced to live with him if she doesn't want to.

No she hasn’t. You have put your desires for multiple relationships ahead of her needs.

OP, I don't think you have to end your relationship, but I do think he should go back to boyfriend status and that the two of you should just date. That is, he should move out, and not be over all the time except when your daughter's at her dad's. Thirteen is a delicate age. What young teen girl would want an unrelated man who she doesn't know living in the house? She needs to feel like it's her home too, and at the moment, it clearly doesn't. And I doubt her dad's feels like her home, either, judging by what she's said in the past and the fact that he has a new partner, too.

Can't you just give her a few more years of it being her and you? Remember, men come and go, but children are for life. And why the hurry to get married? The vast majority of marriages fail, if you count the lot that stay together unhappily. Actual HAPPY longterm marriages are only thought to be about twenty percent. And the divorce stats are really high for second marriages. Marriage truly is a castle built on sand, for the majority. So think twice before you put your partner ahead of what your daughter wants. Really and truly. Think twice.

OP, you need go listen to your deeply unhappy child.

Has he convinced you that you have failed her?
Are these his words?

I think you have a choice between this man and your child.

Let her live with her father.
She is happy there.

Make a different choice and perhaps you can save your relationship with your child.

It is unfathomable to me that a mother would pick a relationship over her own child, so think very carefully about your decision.

This

"perhaps too much"
"instead of giving consequences"
"entitled"

all sound like vocabulary someone would use about someone else's child. She's 13. It's not old. It's still a kid.

You need to prioritise your child.

So you think letting your boyfriend tell her off and discipline her is an acceptable solution to your failure to parent her for years?

Or maybe you don't which is what all your arguments are about? Either way, he is bad news if he thinks your parenting is so dire he has to take over disciplining her.

She will 100% be better off at her dads, just let it happen.

In UK can’t just get a court order, you have to show you’ve been through mediation first and only then can go to court.
unless something very very serious has happened.
have you done a Claire’s law check on your new partner ?
lots of red flags here about her behaviour. How was she with him before you announced the engagement?

I also think you fiancé needs to move out until she is rather older.

yes, it may lead to the end of the relationship and if it is just a phase she will have plenty of time to think about it. But you will absolutely lose her if she moves out.

Are you sure it's entitlement and not distress she acting out over?

Has your change of perspective over how you've raised her been influenced by your fiancé?

Sounds like her staying with her dad is a good idea if she's unhappy in your home and you're out of patience.

You need to listen to her and ask him to move out, your child should come first. You can still have your relationship, outside of the house.

Me and my partner have been together 7 years, we thought about moving in jointly but decided against it as it wouldn't be fair to my son and daughter (14,11).

Stop making excuses for your crappy choices.