AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

It is NOT up to your partner of barely 3 years to be telling your daughter what to do. He is not her parent.

No wonder she’s sick of him. He’s moved in and starts acting like he’s in charge. Add in teen hormones and it’s obviously a recipe for disaster, why didn’t you stop him before this? It’s your job and role to deal with your daughter. She doesn’t need a third “parent” figure - she has 2 parents.

Your choice OP. Him or your DD.

Listen to your daughter. Shes trying to tell you she's not happy

Those of you saying ditch your DP are mad @Bigglebiggle she is acting up and no child should dictate what their parent does.
As long as he's not abusive then it's fine to ask her to tidy her room, but in all honesty that's not his job, it's yours. So why were you letting him do your job? You may have lost your DD because of you not him.

I hope she comes round and the court order has a review dates so this can be discussed in court or with mediators.

Couldn't agree more. From bitter and learned experience.

I’d really look at this relationship. Speak to her by yourself about why she doesn’t like your partner. Has something happened?

Unfortunately, she is old enough to decide where she wants to live. And as heartbreaking as it is, it is not with you.

My nephew, last year, decided he wanted to live with his dad. Not quite a year later he is asking to come back home.

Dbd.Dick before daughter.Choose her.

In the 1980s I was a residential social worker caring for girls who were under care orders, They had been in trouble, stealing, skipping school, alcohol, drugs, bad boys ++ they were ALL from homes where there was another "Dad" or Dads. Not bad girls just couldn't cope with a bloke who had NOTHING to do with them telling them what to do and having to share their Mum in their precious teen years.
Do consider holding off on your living together relationship for a couple of years.

If he has a prohibited steps order I wouldn’t recommend it. I’d probably step back and arrange a visitation schedule.

You can object, but I'm not sure you should actually fight it. Dad is her parent too, why shouldn't she live with him and see you weekends and holidays?

Don't get me wrong, I'd hate it, but surely it's not different to how it's been for him for however many years since you've split.

It's a shame she has met multiple partners, I assume they didn't try and parent her though. Chores etc should come from you, not your boyfriend (assuming he hasn't been there as long as she can remember given she met others). And even if your arguments are about her, kids shouldn't be hearing them. Of course she's not going to be happy living there if she's basically hearing that she's the problem all the time.

Sorry op I think you should put your dd first. Why do parents just move on without considering there kids feelings. She might be ok with dad’s relationship because she doesn’t live there. You might lose your dd you don’t want to so why can’t you just date this guy live apart not everyone can cope with blended families. I get you want a relationship and to be happy which is your right but you’re making your dd miserable.

I was 13 when my stepdad moved in, and my mum was so grrat beforehand, almost fiercely explaining that if I didn't like it he isn't moving in. He had grown kids and knew the score nd never lay down the law at home (my mum more than capable of that!) Point is, to you he's your partner and therfore has some authority to tell your daughter what to do like a parent, to her he's a man you're with, he's not her dad. She obviously doesn't care for him.

How curious

How strange, what's the point, I don't get it.

"He asks her to do what most 13 year olds do, tidy her room, help with chores". This sentence summarizes it all; that is why she wants to move in with her dad. Your partner is not her father. His role is to be a friend—to support her if she is upset or sad, and to give her a ride if she needs one.

3 years ago you had a 2yr old DD, a 10yr old DSS and a husband. What happened?

How many other children do you have? Do they live with you?

do They see their father often assuming a different man to this.

Exactly how many men have you made her live with?

Why shouldn't she live with her dad? He's her parent too.

If you dismiss this as a 'phase' and argue in front of her i don't blame her for wanting out.

You are not listening.

She hasn't had problems with any of my previous relationships

Then ask yourself why she has a problem with this man and not the others. She is saying that she is scared to live at home, and you are brushing it off as her misbehaving or not liking you getting married. The one thing you are not questioning is this man.

Why is he in any way disciplining her or telling her what to do? You have mishandled this OP. Try and see it through her eyes for a change.

I understand it’s upsetting but at 13 there isn’t anything you can do as the court will take her feelings into account. It does sound like she has a problem with your partner in general, rather than a problem with her parent having a partner, seen as she has no issue with dad’s partner. It can be difficult being a step parent, but I do think he probably is over stepping being strict, given they have a difficult relationship. As the consequences are now she has left and this may impact your relationship. You should focus on seeing her on weekends, but not with your partner present.

Also a 13 year‑old shouldn’t feel scared in her own home, and she shouldn’t be placed in the middle of arguments between adults.

If her mother’s partner is raising his voice, creating tension, or suddenly taking on an authority role she isn’t used to, that can feel intimidating and confusing for her.

At her age she is already dealing with emotional and physical changes, so any instability at home can feel much heavier.

You’ve also acknowledged that arguments do happen between you and your partner, and that he has begun telling her to do chores when that wasn’t the dynamic before.

From her perspective, that shift alone can feel like a loss of safety or control. Her feelings aren’t something to dismiss.

They’re a signal that something in the environment needs attention and support and as you’ve failed to listen to her, she has went to her dads who can provide an environment that supports her mental wellbeing.

You’re prioritising your new relationship over your daughter, that’s the bottom line. Yabu.

If a bloke was telling me what to do in my family home I would also fuck off and leave you both to it.

Poor girl.

why is he disciplining her in this way?
he isn’t her father