AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

I'm always a bit put out tbh when people start going on about how they've always put their kids first. You're supposed to put your kids first. You're supposed to create a safe and secure environment for them. What do you want, a medal? And if you're so selfless and sacrificing, why is it suddenly a problem now? Why can't you just date your boyfriend and not force your child to live with him when he makes her miserable?

She doesn't have to end it. They can just date (with him living in his own place).

It's not just about parent wants, it's about what's best for the children.
The Royals aren't a great example of a functional family.

OP has experienced marriage and living together. And her child had to go along with that too.

When you have a child, that means putting them first and not always doing what you want when you want. If she really can't wait to get married to the guy who orders her child around and argues with her about her, great news, the kid just made it really easy for her. The important thing is experiencing marriage and living together with him, so what's the problem, huh?

That man will be long gone and you will have no relationship with your Daughter and the only person to blame will be you.

Women don't tend to pose quite the same risk to teenage girls, do they? And girls tend to feel more comfortable around women.
The daughter may know her stepmother quite well and get along with her, at least better than she does with the prospective stepdad.

Ah be nice to have that reassurance on some of the threads where stepmums are made out to be scum of the earth.

Step mums are much less of a danger then step dads. Because males are much more of a danger than females.

Very odd that you had no notification of the court proceedings.

And she’d be living with her stepmum. Surprised people haven’t insisted the dad gets divorced to put his daughter first.

Because that’s not what most people want. If you split with the kids’ dad when they are 3 then that’s 15+ years of a “dating relationship”. Some people might be okay with that but many don’t want a life like that and want to experience marriage and living together. Hopefully with part of the royal family now being a blended family (and actually Anne remarried when her kids were teens/tweens so it was a thing before) people will see it’s not the worst thing in the world to happen to a child.

I do think he should back off a bit to see if it gets better.

Given the past contradictions from the OP where she moans about her stepkid’s mum I don’t think this is a genuine post anyway.

Kids aren't kids forever. Most people will have decades after they're grown in which to marry. They can date until then. It just depends whether you put your dcs wellbeing above your wish to move a new man in ASAP or not.

Indeed.

I'm not understanding. Why would it be so so terrible for your husband to ask his own kids to tidy their rooms?

A teenage girl who would sooner live with a closely biologically related adult male than with a completely biologically unrelated adult male? Seems very sensible of her.

But it's not nice for a child to have to share their home with an unrelated adult. While I don't share the common MN view that single mothers should stay single, I don't see why partners have to be moved in. I don't see what's wrong with keeping it as a dating relationship.

I think there's a big difference between living with a firm but loving parent and living with an unrelated strict man. Does your fiance like her or find her an irritating obstacle to your relationship? Best to let her stay with her dad if she's happier there. I wouldn't marry someone my dc weren't happy living with.

The partner would be moving out before my child moved out. She doesn't want to live with him op. You can see him outside the home or you can see your dd outside the home.

It really is as simple as this in the short term.

Your relationship is probably beyond repair, but there got now, let her go.

Yep, this thread is depressing to read, poor kid. time and time again we read about women putting the latest boyfriend before the welfare of their children, why? Makes me sick...

So if she is fine with everyone else, your ex’s and her Dad’s partner- what is that saying about your current partner?

She was fine with him until the engagement.

Your partner sounds like the Big Man doesn't he? Thinking he will move in with a woman and start laying down the law to a child. And then you - the Mum - takes his side!! That's how your child will view it. Poor girl. Already had the trauma of her parents splitting and all that entails (not saying it can't be amicable but it still is not the desired situation) and now she feels she has to move from her main residence to get away from a strange man. Have a good think about your behaviour.

OP have you done a Sarah's law request? Has you ex husband? If he has he may have been told something about your current partner. If it showed a crime or previous concerns he would get a court order to house her away from you and him.
As a survivor of CSA I can tell you these men target single mothers with young daughters and play the long game. Three years is really a very short time to be seeking to get married for the third (?) time.

How are you so stupid that you don't see the problem isn't her. She's had no issue with your previous partners or with her dad's partner.

Why are you so eager to dismiss what she's been telling you for a long time? If its at the point where she's moving out, and the school very much sound like they're acting in her best interests, it's because she's exhausted all other options with you. You're making it clear that you prioritise this man over her.

You can't stop her living with her father.

Wow. So people think that having a child means you have to stay single for decades? That's insane. OP is engaged to this guy. He's not a boyfriend.

If DD doesn't get on with him that's a separate issue but fuck being single and lonely for 20 years. Plenty of kids grow up with stepparents.