AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

And you don’t think her change in behaviour might be because she is very unhappy? Is your bf the one saying she is entitled? You have created this situation by not listening, moving in your bf who she doesn’t like and letting him tell her what to do and interfere with your parenting. It’s not because you put her first is it?! Sounds like she is better off at her dads. You don’t get to demand anything but you could try to work on your relationship with her. I am also wondering how you can say you always put her first when there has been a string of bfs. You clearly value your relationship with the latest one over the happiness of your daughter.

No one should be parenting your child except you. Just because you love this man your dd doesn’t feel the same and why should she have to live with someone and be told what to do by a man she’s not comfortable with.
if you are happy in the relationship and want it too continue take a step back. Go back to dating and occasional sleepovers. If he genuinely loves you and your dd he will understand.
But yes your dd is old enough to chose who she lives with.

Please, please prioritise your child. You're setting her up for a lifetime of feeling unheard and abandoned.

Fairly established but the daughter has been clear she isng happy.

She had her parent stogether for 3 years, this man is around 3 years, and in the intervening 7 years there were multiple other male partners moved in. I suspect 3 years might be a long relationship for the OP but really its still alot of turmoil for kids.

Your daughter has a right to feel safe and happy in her home. Your job as her mother is to facilitate that. You don’t want to help your daughter be safe and happy because you are prioritising the man in your life and your relationship with him. What you are asking people in this thread to endorse, is your ‘maternal right’ to force your daughter to stay in an environment she’s not happy in just so you can have everything your way. What kind of mother does that? She’s a human being, not an ornament in your life.

Fucking hell, poor girl. She expresses her distress and all you hear is ‘She’s trying to break us up’. LET HER GO. And know this: she’s leaving you because of YOUR choices. This your doing, not hers.

You have a choice: live with the man, or live with your daughter. Anything in between would be manipulative and abusive.

Why is your partner telling your daughter what to do? He should be leaving that to you. He sounds overbearing if he knows telling your DD off is causing issues but is continuing to do it anyway. A decent partner wouldn't try to come between a Mum and her daughter.

Choose your daughter over the man. Always.

I agree. I was widowed when my dds were 11 and 13. Would moving a new man and other kids into the home have been a good thing for their wellbeing? No, so I didn't do it as their well being is important to me. No regrets. They are doing well and we have a good relationship.
If OP's next marriage doesn't work out, (60-67% of second marriages don't) I wonder if she will feel it was worth her dd moving out for.

Sarah's law.

Great post.

Have you done the basic checks on him eg Claire's law

‘She hasn’t had a problem with my previous relationships’….

Just how many bloody men have you traipsed through her life at only 13? By 13 my children had had one. Their father. Sorry, but I think she should go and live with her father if that is what she is requesting. In a family court her wishes would be prioritised so you have to either end your relationship or you support her. She is 13, not a child, but an adolescent entering adulthood physically. Periods, hormones etc mean that she has a greater need for privacy and to feel safe than ever before. You should be able to understand this and the fact that you don’t is, frankly, shocking in it’s selfish lack of awareness of her needs. You don’t get to choose which [biologically unrelated] men are allowed into her space at that age.

If she's had 'a few' partners come through her very short life, and now lives with your current, still quite new partner whom you allow to tell her off and boss her around...then no, I don't think you could be described as always having let her come first.

You’ll never get a balanced view on this on this site. My DD1 wanted me to remain single from 3yo to when she left home. That was not a reasonable request in my view. My DH is pretty strict. But he’s also a very good parent.

This sounds really hard. Couple of things I would note from your posts

• you don’t get to choose how she feels, she is telling you how she feels and you just have to believe her even if it doesn’t suit what you want to hear
• in each post you are minimising problems that she is raising ‘we don’t argue that much’ well enough for you daughter to raise it at school and not want to be in her own home ‘he’s not that strict’ again he clearly is and also if question what someone who’s been in her life a couple of years has any business telling her what to do in her own home
• your mention about the stealing etc like that’s adding to the issues at home - she’s acting out because she’s unhappy, surely that’s very simple to understand
• you don’t want your daughter to move in with her dad because of how it makes you feel. Well for a start he has as much rights to have her live with him as you do and also this isn’t about what you want when you’re not willing to make any compromise. Her home has became somewhere she doesn’t want to be and you’re focusing your own daughter as being the issue here
• lastly and possibly most sadly, you are giving her a clear message that she’s not important enough. You have been with someone 3 years and their place in your life has taken precedence over the 13 years your own daughter has been there for. that’s so so sad. She will never forget this I’m afraid so have a good deep look at your choices and be rawly honest about the motivations behind them.

It’s a fairly established relationship. It’s very common for people who have been together three years (or shorter) to get married or have kids for instance. Most weddings I’ve been to the couple haven’t been together longer than three years. For a 13 year old, three years is a really long time. Children don’t perceive time the way adults do. It’s not the length of the relationship that is an issue - that’s something that 40 something adults project onto the child. I’ve seen someone calling a five year relationship a “new partner”. A child would never view five years as new so shows a lack of understanding.

Choose your daughter

I am pretty certain that it doesn’t mean shag all you want at all. It says just be happy being a mother. And I was on another long running thread where the OP did have a FWB and was told what a shit mum she was and should put her kid first because what if the kid bumped into the FWB. Another thread recently where the OP had a boyfriend and her son came back unexpectedly and walked in on her having sex and again massive tirade about being a shit mum for having a boyfriend.

So no I do not buy that people saying this stuff think it’s fine to have sex. And also most women don’t just want casual sex with some “fuck buddy”. They want a real relationship, companionship and some of them want marriage. That doesn’t make them shit mums at all and having a stepparent doesn’t ruin a child’s life.

I agree. It's not all about what OP wants. Dc wellbeing matters too.

The LATEST partner. Mum has has said she's had a number of partners move in during this child's short life.

3 years isn't a long time when mum has a revolving door of men in and out.

It’s hardly a household that’s inviting for her. She’s going through puberty and needs her mum more than ever.

Who's the random bloke? Surely not the partner who she's been with for several years who the daughter was fine with until the engagement?

Much less random than any daycare arrangement.

Unless you run a brothel at home I am not sure going to work is the same thing as having a random bloke move in even for women who think womens only role is to care for others

I'd also wager that if this was a teenage boy getting into trouble and stealing etc posters would be a lot less quick to tell OP to call off her marriage for him.

Do those that think you can't have a partner while raising children also think it's irresponsible to work while your kids are young? You defo can't give them as much focus/spend as much time with them while working.