AIBU to object to my 13-year-old daughter moving in with her dad?

Don't create an argument in front of your daughter. It will count against you in the long run. Calmly contact her dad and ask to talk about things. If you can't negotiate a solution you may need to get a solicitor and go to court. However at 13, your DD"s views will hold significant weight

I’d be doing a Clare’s Law and believing my daughter. Why is your boyfriend parenting your daughter????

I’d say this is a massive red flag for the man you are with. Something is going on if she’s been fine with other relationships and with her DF’s relationship. It does seem like you aren’t listening to her. I think she would be better off with her DF for the time being, decisions need to be made on what’s best for the child not what you want.

Exactly.
Even if the daughter was making things up to cause trouble... something isn't right in her life. And that needs to be the priority now.

Yeah I am pretty concerned about the things the DD has said that OP alleges are untrue. There is clearly sufficient concern for the child’s NRP to get a court order for her protection…

Yeah I’d pick my dd over a man any day.

Well if there is an ex parte order then the OP will find out fairly soon.

“Today I have got a call from the school to say DDs dad has picked her up and taken out a court order“

That would rather suggest it’s been issued.

“Recently she has told her dad and school information that is not true, leading to the welfare officer being involved”

There are very obviously ongoing concerns relating to the family situation, and social
services will be involved.

And no, you don’t get this level of intervention because mum’s fiancé asks you to tidy your room. This points to OP perhaps not being the most reliable to narrators.

Even if she is entitled and just a brat (which I don't believe)... she's a child. She has very few choices available to her and can't be expected to have the same emotional maturity as an adult, especially when the adults around her aren't modelling it. People so often expect children to have more maturity, selflessness and understanding than the adults around them.

She doesn't sound entitled more upset TBH.

If she so out of control would a move to her Dad - with Step Mum and settled family really be so bad for her - new rules she has to follow and someone else to enforce punishments when she's getting in trouble - could be a chance to reset your relationship with her - build the loving bond back up instead of having to instil discpline all the time.

For some reaon there is an issue with this partner and her living under the same roof - if she goes to live with her dad give time and space to work past what ever is going on.

If you fight it then I think you are burning more bridges. She may as PP have said go to her Dad realise it's not great and end up coming back -- if you stop her she's more likely to dig her heels in and stay even if she really like to come back.

Do we actually think he got an ex parte order though? Because I don’t and it wouldn’t be in force until served on the OP in any event. More likely he made an application and that’s it. If he did get an ex parte order it would likely be due to things that would require social services or police to make contact with the OP at some point as she has other children, so I am sure she will find out soon. But you don’t get ex parte orders because mums fiance asks you to tidy your room.

Lol I don’t think I’m the one projecting to be fair. Just find it interesting that the OP has done the lions share of parenting over the years and now Mr Wonderful dad swoops in, collects the child from school and applies for a court order rather than trying to resolve things with the OP or even communicating this to her himself. I’ve seen too many of those dads in my time I guess. Anyway, time will tell but I don’t think the grass will be greener. I’d still let her go if I was OP and say that the door is open to come back if she wants to.

Or while her father may not be perfect, living with him is preferable to living with the partner OP has moved in. She is by no means guaranteed to ‘chat shit’ in a home she feels safe in, with a stepparent she has a good relationship with.

That the father was able to get an order ex parte speaks volumes. They aren’t just handed out, which means the court has very real concerns about the daughter’s safety around the partner.

I’m sure it’s satisfying to think that the daughter is the problem here, and OO can get all she wants without having to choose between her partner and having a good relationship/ a relationship at all with her child, but that doesn’t necessarily reflect the reality OP is actually facing here.

I also think there's a lot of projecting going on.

And even if the OP's daughter is a horrible brat (which there is no evidence of), she still doesn't deserve to have to live with an unrelated man.

It sounds like you're projecting to be fair.

I know someone in a situation similar to OP, she has always been her child's friend, but never really set boundaries in terms of expectations and behaviour, always wanted to be 'good cop'. Of course, that leads to problems later on as the child appears to have no respect for their mum's authority. For all we know it may have been a parenting missmatch that broke OP up from her daughters dad, I know separated parents where the children act completely differently for each one.. the ones with no boundaries or routines seem to struggle more with authority for sure.

.. enter a step parent, who disagrees with OPs lax parenting and tries to enforce behaviour expectations and boundaries himself, keep a clean bedroom, tidy up after yourself, do chores etc, that's all fine, but punishing the child and shouting all the time, arguing with your girlfriend about how she parents is massively overstepping. If he doesn't like how she parents he shouldn't be moving in and getting married, OP should be protecting her daughter from that dynamic and the child shouldn't have to be punished because her mum is desperate to have a bloke around.

This is well said....

of course they're not.kid

but is your logic " kids in nuclear families have to endure shitty family situations so that's the bar?"

if you live in a shit situation and you have an option to not live in a shit situation, would you stay just cos other people have to put up with it?

op has mentioned that DD has been fine with the other men she's been made to live with because of ops choices. I don't think op needs to be single forever, but maybe not introducing the kids (plural, she said it's not related to her other kids) to a succession of men? and absolutely this would apply to her ex too.

I’m sure 😂 Maybe the dad is one of those magical dads who does all the parenting and doesn’t delegate it at all to his wife/partner. Although if he was like that, I’d have expected them to have had a 50/50 arrangement by now. My guess is the DD will get a bit of a reality check when she moves in but she will know the dad wouldn’t break up his marriage for her or listen to her chat shit about her stepmum so she has to like it or lump it. I also suspect the dad will get a reality check and that in about a year or so he will say she really has to move back to mum as she’s such a bad influence on his younger kids or something. But at the moment it suits him to be the wonderful saviour.

not exactly the same situation but my nephew decided he wantged to live with his father at 13 because he gave him more money

nothing you can do especially if hes already got a court order-you can take it back to court but they will listen to what the child wants at 13 you cant demand anything

dear god, how many men have you moved in and out over the last decade???

maybe her step Mom is nicer to her than your current beau? and consistent, not just the newest bloke Mom has moved in.

This is also her PRIMARY home

Of course she's come first all your life, you're her parent. That's exactly how it should be.

If she's never had a problem with other ex's or her dads new partner....YOUR NEW PARTNER IS THE ISSUE. Whether you believe that or not, it's true.

And maybe he dads wife won’t be trying to parent her or arguing about her and doesn’t make her feel unwelcome.

I’m adding to the voices of those saying to listen to your daughter and prioritise her feelings here.

She needs a parent who is putting her first and that sounds like her Dad right now.

This will always stay with her - think very hard about whether you want yo permanently damage your relationship with your daughter and cause her long term emotional scars.

33% of men do not have a criminal record. This figure comes from a study that looked at men born from 1953 onwards and was looking at the data for when they were around 52. The offences will include things like minor traffic violations, not paying a TV licence, could even include being gay. In 1953 apparently almost 1% of 10 year old boys would count in this criminal stat (apparently - I’ve not further verified that one). If you are looking at figures for men in their early fifties as well, it’s not going to be a representative figure for all ages. Why would you not apply common sense to a statistic you read and ask yourself does this sound plausible! The Sarah’s law suggestion is a sensible one, to describe the OP as moving in unknown men is a bit silly (I’m sure she knows them quite well by that point).